chemistry

Oops - I haven't written Nerd Alert (NA - seemingly appropriate initials) back yet. The email is sitting in my drafts. I can't come up with what to say.

Sure, I'd like that? Um, no.

How about you introduce me to all of your friends and then never try to talk to me again?

Or maybe it is just too late at this point to be anything but honest - I didn't really feel a connection with you ... I forget every time I agree to a set-up that inevitably one of us will reject the other. I guess that is until the "one" shows his ... uh, face.

So match.com has a new site called 'chemistry' which looks to be more like eharmony, but with the unique match.com cheese. you can't search & they send you matches & you say yes or no. on another side note, match has made it so you can't see the people who email you unless you subscribe - they finally caught on to the "you can hit me at 'sexyman' at y! dot com" trick. oh well, guess you gotta resort to the onion for free online dating. I think I'll just go drinking with my friends and hit up all the men for drinks ... much cheaper and usually more entertaining (as well as productive). Sometimes, it is even entertaining for the men.

Half a Glass

So Nerd Alert from the company holiday party sends me an email today. He so intuitively observed that the "set-up" meeting was awkward (he unmistakably has a keen eye for the obvious) and thought we should meet under less pressure for coffee or something soon.

How am I supposed to respond to that? I am COMPLETELY not interested, but we really didn't get a chance to chat or whatever. So, if I say no, I look like a self-centered, pretentious bitch. If I say yes, I have to suffer through a coffee date that I have zero interest in having.

Tis the season for giving? Or is it better that I sacrifice looking like a complete superficial bitch in order to spare us both wasted time? Then again, if I try to see the glass half-full, I could possibly meet some new single folks at my job since I know very few there now. I guess I'll see what mood strikes me in the morning when I email him back.

Not such a prize

no more faith in my boss's judgment on men. do i come off as that much of a geek? wow. he was nice enough, but nothing fantastic. and he left the table to get a drink and didn't ask if i would like something. my glass was empty within arm's reach of him. total turnoff. i don't mean to be superficial, but i consider that an important detail that indicates a man's attention to detail of a woman's needs and just simple manners.

Oh well, next???

holiday fun

Tonight is the company's annual holiday party. I have been to very few social events with this company over the past year, but this one sounds like an event I shouldn’t miss. Not to mention, my boss wouldn’t let me out of it if I tried. She wants to introduce me to a guy that works here. She is all about setting me up on dates. I think I am the replacement for her daughter who is on the other side of the country currently. It is sweet in a way, but also a bit awkward. Also, I have a terrible sinus cold, so I’m sure right as she is introducing us, I’ll cough up a big hunk of phlegm. Men love that in a woman, right? Even if he allows that to pass and continues to chat with me, I am so doped up on meds, when added to wine, I am surely not able to hold anything resembling a socially-acceptable conversation ….

Crush

It has been a while since I have had a “crush” on anyone. You know, that feeling you get about someone that just makes you giggle, and you don’t know why? I currently have 2 definite crushes. They seem to be popping up all over the place, and I can't control it.

Maybe “they” are right – when you aren’t looking is when they show up.

Whatever it is, I feel like a teenager. Can’t stop thinking about one or the other. One I have never even spoken to. New guy at work – sooooo cute and always smiles at me when we pass in the hallway. And, based on his resume, he’s pretty darn smart, too. Love that in a guy.

Guy #2 has a much longer history. Known him for quite a while, had a crush on him when I first met him, got to know him, got over it, and now it seems to be back. I hate to even admit it because I don’t WANT to like him, but I guess I can’t really deny it. I do my best not to give him any more attention than I would anyone else, but I have recently found that he is always around – conveniently wanting to do the same things I want to do ... and pay for it all, too. Grrrrr.

And apparently I am being “set-up” tonight. I guess more of a big happy hour and both of us will be there. I trust ermmagirl's judgment, so it should be interesting. I guess this means I’m back from my dating hiatus!

breathe

I often have to remind myself to just take a few deep breaths and things will improve. I will get through all of the shit that life keeps throwing at me. To be cliche - that which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. And I am improving and each week seems to get better.

Why is it then that I haven't been able to stop crying all day? Luckily, I already had the day off, but I have wasted it listening to one song and crying instead of studying? Maybe if I had a voice or any creative writing talent, I'd be able to release all of this. I guess that is why I blog.

I never intended on this blog to be a "diary" of sorts, but it is definitely morphing into it. And it does help. For any readers that read for the funny dating stories, I must apologize for changing the mood recently. Once I pick myself and everyone else back up, I will hope to make up for it and "throw the cat around" a bit to quote miss v's hubby. probably not to the extent he means, but get myself out there on the dating scene again.

I hope writing now will help me to focus for the rest of the day on the things I need to do. Wish me luck!

Here are the lyrics to the song I can't seem to stop playing:

"Breathe (2am)" - Anna Nalick

2AM and she calls me cause I'm still awake
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season.
Yeah, we walk through the doors.
So accusing their eyes like they have any right at all to criticize
Hypocrites! You're all here for the very same reason.

But you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl so cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe

In May he turned 21 on the base of Fort Bliss
Just a day, he said, down to the flask in his fist
Ain't been sober since maybe October of last year.
And here in town you can tell he's been down for a while
but, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles
Wanna hold him
Maybe I'll just sing about it
. . . .

There's a light at each end of this tunnel
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out and these mistakes you've made,
you'll just make them again if you only try turning around

2AM and I'm still awake writing a song
If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd 'cause these words are my diary screaming out loud and I know that you'll use them however you want to

But you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl
so cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe . . .

SDB

stinky drunk boys. aren't they fun? always. and they even remind you to change your sheets regularly. what is wrong with that?

oh, yeah, the fact that i am "old" . . .

i cannot be responsible for the sdb's that visit after i have too much wine. he calls, and it seems like a good idea at the time. we don't have or do anything sexual ... just argue, play su do ku, and drink. i like it. i just hope that i'm not being the asshole this time.

ms intimidation?

sorry it has been a while since my last post. the personal life that has zero to do with my dating life (other than the fact that it prevents it) has been taking over recently. in fact, i broke down completely yesterday morning on my way to work, but luckily miss v talked some sense into me and i called in sick to work to finish up my paper. with a major first draft of my paper out of the way, i am feeling a lot better. 4 weeks and 1 day to go until the end of the semester. now i only have to learn two subjects in less than 4 weeks. pshht ... no problem!

i read an article on the post last night that made me ponder if maybe miranda was on the right track when she acted like a flight attendant instead of an attorney in order to get a date. granted, deception is not my strong point, so this is all hypothetically speaking. the article was about a local gay guy who has recently written a book for women, speaking as the gay friend all women need. the women who wrote the article met the author for drinks and he immediately said that although she should keep her standards high, she should not cross men who don't meet them immediately off the list. Miss Overly Critical, Miss Defensive and Miss Independent. Apparently, this behavior is either a complete turn-off to any man that she would have an interest in or she stops the relationship before it starts because they do not meet her high standards immediately.

Me? critical? nah....

Seriously, these guys DESERVE the critique i provide. if only they knew about this blog and could learn from it. maybe i am helping other men who see some of their own behaviors in my stories? okay, i admit it, this is purely for entertainment purposes!

so, i am thinking of changing my name from ms independent. any ideas?

how things change

things are never as they seem. even from a close observer's point of view. people surprise me more often than i ever could have imagined. i think it is a good thing, whether or not it makes people feel good or not. a person should always be honest with how they feel instead of adhering to what others think they should feel.

what isn't good: that a close friend feels like they need to hide or be embarrassed of how they feel. your true friends will support whatever decision you make, and only warn you if they think it may cause serious harm or that you are just not thinking rationally at all. if your friends don't support you, who will?

You know who you are, and I am thinking of you!

wanted: cuddle buddy

sometimes i just want to cuddle. the comfort like a warm blanket, but with a body attached. problem is that most men want to do more than just cuddle. what's a girl to do?

sleep with her friends' husbands of course! luckily my friends don't mind one bit. it is almost as perfect as having a gay friend - someone to cuddle who doesn't want to (or at least wont try to) have sex with you. problem is, they are not available very often.

isn't casual sex an option? you justifiably ask. always, but that takes away from the cuddle factor. you don't spoon casual sex - hell, you probably shouldn't let them stay the night. i'm looking more for the emotional comfort than the sex. but that just doesn't happen. you either have a fuck buddy or a boyfriend. although horny on occasion, the thought of a real life full-time sexual relationship pushes me over the edge i am so dearly trying not to get too close to. i want to skip all the bullshit.

*poof* you are in a long-term perfect relationship, and your man understands when you are sad and just want to cuddle. and he'll begrudgingly have sex with you at the most inopportune moment because you are FINALLY horny - don't blink, you'll miss the window.

but reality doesn't work that way. anyone offering free cuddling services with no strings attached? a slight possibility of sex, but it can't MEAN anything. no feelings involved. impossible. you are emotionally dependent on a cuddle partner, so as a result, you can't casually bump uglies with them, too. no matter what each person says or believes, one party will inevitably develop feelings and/or want more out of the situation.

i guess a kitten and a vibrator (mutually exclusive, for all you sickos out there) will have to do for now.

blink

life can change in a blink of an eye. i often complain that my social calendar gets booked in a blink of an eye without me doing anything. not that i should ever complain of such "problems". It is nice to know that people want you around. I wouldn't survive otherwise. It is just inevitable that everything you WANT to do happens on the same weekend or week. Although not something to complain about, it is overwhelming sometimes ... whether you just want to be there or whether you feel bad for not showing up. Fortunately for me it is the former, but that makes the decision making a lot harder.

But then things change ...

priorities can shift upon the hearing of certain words: 'i love you', for example changes everything you've known in a relationship. Unfortunately, so does 'cancer', without all the fun romance involved. that word was recently muttered (again) by my mother. my priorities dramatically shifted instantaneously. i suddenly have no interest in my dating life, only my family and close friends. she didn't deserve to go through this again ... and truth be told, i didn't want to watch her go through it either.

how exactly does a woman defeat breast cancer for 9 years, and it suddenly reappears in every bone of her body without any warning? it just doesn't seem right. and it isn't fair. luckily, she didn't have to suffer long, but i think the lightening speed of the entire thing made me go numb. which clearly helps get through all the bullshit, but what happens when you start feeling again?

i wasn't ready for it, but I tried to put up a facade of strength for everyone else. and myself. the mind has a way of believing whatever you tell it. if i can keep telling myself i can get through all of this, the last year of law school, and the legal job search from hell, maybe i really will pull it all off. only time will tell, but some mornings i think i deserve a gold medal for just getting my ass out of the bed and in the shower.

The P Factor

When was the last time you considered the promiscuity of anyone? High school, maybe college, but after a certain age, that "judgment" seems to disappear as irrelevant. Especially in reference to your friends. Really, at this point, who cares? Does anyone really care whether you smooch on every boy you meet, throw the cat around every week, or wait until marriage? If they do, they are not your true friends. Obviously, we all care about our friends and would be concerned if there were a health, mental, emotional or other issue that needed addressing. But if someone chooses to have sex with a new guy every week purely because she enjoys uncommitted sex, isn't that okay as long as they are careful and use protection? To each their own, I say.

A person's P factor should not be relevant. If you think it is, take a good look at yourself. It is probably a result of your own insecurities. Of course, none of us agree on everything or behave the same way or have the same values, but we also have no business judging anyone else.

Life is too short for that nonsense.

Sadness

Sadness is all around: tsunamis, hurricanes, terrorist attacks, subway bombings, earthquakes. according to my step-mom, so is the end of the world (aka, the coming of Christ). these events are all prophescies predicted in the bible, dontcha know? Has not EVERY generation thought and said that?? Oh, but no, this is ACTUALLY it. Thanks for playing. I try to explain to her that I just do not believe the same as she does, but she cannot see past her faith. It is unfortunate because otherwise, we are basically on the same page.

Funny story: having a relatively calm conversation about relaxing with my step-mom. Mention that I watch 'Will & Grace' on thrusdays for a laugh. They haven't watched tv for over 10 years and haven't a clue. I explain - BIG mistake. Make light of a sinful behavior??? Ugh. I try to explain that it is important to make light of a behavior that many Americans find reprehensible in order to defeat discrimination, but I end up in a conversation about how we all are sinners and need God to lead us to the correct path. I lost it.

My step-mom surely thought I was about to admit I was gay: I am a very strong advocate for gay rights; I am single at 30 and have no desire to have children. Much to her disappointment, I confirmed that I like men and that I thought it would be much more complicated to date women. I guess that livened the mood a bit, and we moved on to a new conversation. And then the phone rang ... damn, so much material just lost on a moment. My dad had left the scene so much earlier -- wonder where I got my dislike of confrontation?

wine drunk

yes, i am wine drunk.

wanted to blog.

went to my sisters shotgun "wedding" this weekend. it did go VERY well. i was surprised. my crazy, dependent, drug-addicted, prego, unemployed alcoholic, bipolar sister is married. Hmm, maybe my standards are not as high as I thought they were. She married Forrest Gump. He is the sweetest man alive, but not a smart man. I fear for their children (the first of which is scheduled to show up in March). I will be a good aunt - i promise.

A good sister? Different story. I want to smack her back into reality so often it may eventually kill her - if she could ever live long enough on her own. She just does not get it (bless her heart; she means well; yadda, yadda, yadda). Puffing on her cig, wondering why all of a sudden i give a crap about her smoking habits. Where exactly have you been for the past 20 or so years?????

Don't ya love your family? Not a god-damned thing you can do about them - they are stuck with you for life.

thanks for playing

partyboy: whatcha' doing this weekend?
me: not sure yet
partyboy: wanna do something?
me: no, but thanks
partyboy: nice answer ... lol!

hopefully never to be heard from again. ahhhh ...

it's almost getting lonely these days now that i have managed to make my suitors tired of turn downs from me. i have plenty to keep me occupied through january or so, though. but that makes this blog rather blah, doesn't it? politics is just too boring to blog about (no offense to all you dc politics bloggers - i just don't have the interest to compete with you!); school is just boring to non-lawyers and even most lawyers; work, well, i know better than to blog about work (we've all heard of the termed "dooced"). so, that leaves me with very little to blog about. not that i think i am boring, but aren't blogs in of themselves a type of ego indicator? i mean who are we that we think we are interesting enough that ANYONE would want to read about OUR lives, thoughts, or opinions on anything?

Human nature being what it is however, people are nosy and want to know what everyone else is doing. Those of us willing to share are purely the providers of the gossip - straight from the horse's mouth so to speak.

SO, i'll take one for the team, and i'll try to go whore myself out a bit more often for you people. am i not a teamplayer?!?!?

top five

So, apparently the writers of Forbes are not reading my blog (not surprising). Nor are they dating in DC (again, not surprising). They ranked DC 5th in the nation for city with the best single life. If this is true, I better start looking to relocate in one of the top 4 cities ...

http://www.forbes.com/2005/07/25/singles-best-cities_cx_05sing_0725land.html

the secret to men

I have finally discovered the secret to dating men:

IGNORE THEM . . . A LOT!

Treat them as you would if you did not have interest in them for anything more than friends. Men want what they think they cannot have. This theory is the basis for that stupid rules book, but they take it much too far.

Keep it simple, like men. Don't call them back, don't reply to their emails and text messages, and don't accept their invitations. Obviously, you must do some of those things every so often to keep them interested, but it really takes about a half of a percent of effort. Problem is, women don't act like that -- they have guilt or feelings of obligations to return a call. Unless of course the woman is not that interested.

That's where I am currently. Not that interested and can't get the redhead or party boy to stop contacting me. Maybe I should start calling them several times a day, along with sending text and email messages. Then I will give them mushy cards, talk about marriage and kids, and talk about what we will do for New Years. I say less than one week of that behavior, and I would be hard-pressed to hear from either again. But that takes so much more effort ... although it would be great for entertainment value.

Please tell me I don't sound as much like a guy as I think I do!

Look ma, i like beer too!
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now this is news

Science made a very profound discovery this week:

“[W]hen it comes to achieving orgasms, women are more affected by mood, self-esteem and other issues of the psyche than men.”

If you don’t believe me, here’s the link:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/09/05/AR2005090500761.html

Hey, thanks for the news flash, brainchild! Where the hell have you people been? Obviously not having sex with a woman. You could have saved yourself a few million dollars of research and just picked up a copy of Cosmo. Even better yet, you could have just asked a few women. If it isn’t just those nerdy scientists that didn’t realize this, it isn’t any wonder so many women do not enjoy sex.

Get with the program people.

off topic

i know that this post has very little (if anything) to do with dating, but i want to remind everyone to donate to a charity asap. whether or not you donate to the red cross or other organization that is directly helping the Katrina victims, charities of all types are going to be affected by this disaster. just by pure numbers alone, i know that some of the victims statistically must have serious diseases and cancers, heart disease, HIV/AIDS, and other major health issues. The state of poverty, despair, and utter chaos is going to magnify the existing health problems and add many, many more. Not to mention that there are more poor, homeless, hungry, illiterate children and adults than anyone can imagine and this problem will have an impact on generations to come. People are dying everyday because not enough is being done. We can't all be there obviously, but PLEASE contribute in any way you can. Even $1 will help buy a baby food or water. If you absolutely cannot afford to give, please give blood or volunteer somewhere that is shipping supplies, etc.

The Post has a list of reputable charities, as does FEMA. Also, PetsMart is taking donations to care for the animals that have been abandoned or lost (thanks to ms J for that info). If you need a little incentive, United Airlines is offering 500 bonus miles to people who contribute to three chosen organizations. Pick one or 10, and do it TODAY.

I'll step off of my soapbox now ...

meat in a can

sorry about the blog comment spam. you will now have to use word verification in order to post a comment. hope you kids can deal with it.

reverting to buttercup

remember back in high school and college when it was acceptable, almost expected that you smooched on boys in your close friend circle? unless you are on a tv sitcom, this behavior does not seem like a smart move once you are past a certain point in your life. not that i know exactly when that point was. and apparently, i either haven't moved past it or have chosen to ignore it. nah, i think it is the alcohol. and the fact that i know it isn't smart. and maybe just because everyone keeps telling me it isn't a good idea.

i think he's been looking for this opportunity for a while, got lucky that i have decided to binge drink the past week, and he happened to be there flirting.

lucky for me, my friends sent me and him in opposite directions saturday night. ermmagirl is the queen of cockblocks. i was so hammered that i hit my head on my bathroom tile floor and now have a bruise on my eyelid! glad purple eyeshadow is back in style this year ...

and you thought i would grow out of this behavior!

diet dr pepper

I stroll into work one day to find an unopened diet dr pepper bottle on my desk. Underneath the bottle is a note:

Thought you would enjoy this. Have a good day. –M

Who is M? Who knows I like diet dr pepper? Hell, who knows me at all at work? People I see around the office flash through my mind, but for the life of me I cannot recall one whose name begins with an M. It occurred to me that I shouldn't take a drink from a stranger -- much like what your parents tell you when you are little at Halloween. But lord knows, I've taken more than that from a stranger at a bar without even knowing the first initial of his name. So, I said fuck it and drank it.

A bit later, I get an email from a hotmail account. The sender’s name comes up as “M****** L********” and the address is something random and nondescript. M says he likes my new hair color and hopes I enjoyed the drink. I thank him and ask if I know him.

No, but he has seen me around. Am I interested in lunch sometime? Does it bother me if he is younger than I am?

No, you freak, it bothers me that you know who I am, have access to my office, know my email address, know how old I am, know what I drink, but will not tell me who you are or ask me out like a normal person. I wonder who he is, how he knows how old I am, and if his balls are visible to the naked eye. I vote no considering he actually thought this was an acceptable way to approach a woman. I didn't bother to reply this time. Thanks for playing, but no. I like my men with spines. He may as well have had a friend pass me a note during homeroom:

Do you think M is cute? Circle one: Yes, No or Maybe

stage 5 clinger

went out with rugby boy a few nights ago. i now realize why i wasn't all that excited about him in the first place. he is a doormat. he is the epitome of "too nice."

and needy

we had drinks and a small bite. i begrudgingly accepted his invite to go to Iota for one more drink. he then offered to ride in the cab with me "to see that i got home safe." i made it perfectly clear that i was tired, drunk and not interested in having him come back to my place. so, of course, he did just that. he said it was so he could "sober up" and then drive home. please.

so i did what any reasonable girl would do: i excused myself to the bathroom and never came back.

the fact that i was curled up on my bed asleep in my clothes should have been clue number 653 that i was not interested, but alas, he decided that i needed to be held, and he curled up beside me!! when he FINALLY left in the morning, i didn't even see him out. just let him leave.

the doormat has no self-respect. he is still sending me text messages and emails. he told dragonfly that he thought i was sad. how about not interested, buddy???? get a clue.

chipotle

For the second tuesday in a row, the redhead has called from chipotle in my neighborhood to see if he should deliver my a burrito. pun fully intended. last week i said no. tonight i was hungry.

(pms rules ALWAYS)

I ate the WHOLE thing, and it was good. But, alas, no sex. Barely even a kiss. Not sure what is going on, but he is obviously still interested. He came over even after I told him about my new love. he is extremely allegeric, but still willing to try. sucker.

my new love

it has finally happened. i am totally and completely in love. i am so unashamed that i am willing to post a picture of him without fear. ain't he just purely irresistible???

forgetful

I received a voicemail today from the redhead checking on me since he hadn't heard from me in a while. He also threw in a casual mention of my birthday, that he knew it was coming up, and hoped he hadn't missed it. Too late, buddy, it was 2 weeks ago!! What a fool. I didn't let him in on it, though. Just left him a return message that I was still in Roanoke and wasn't sure when I would return.

Got a message from Rugby Boy asking me to go to a Nats game. Too bad I'm in Roanoke, I would have loved to go ...

Party Boy is still hanging in there. Called the last 2 weekends in a row to see if I wanted to do something. The impressive part is that I haven't called him back, and he keeps calling. Either he is persistent or just an idiot (most likely). He calls 4pm the day he wants to go out. Sounds like a "plan B" to me. No thanks.

birthday fun

It is my big day. My thirtieth birthday. Can you believe it? I can’t. My friends freakin’ ROCK!!! Gifts, a cake in the shape of a cosmo (pink cake too!), balloons, dinner, drinks … you name it! I even had a birthday princess headband and wand. Love them.



Let us not forget the cake men … many of them. Yummy!!! I guess they are right, I am a man-eater! They are irresistible!

I am not so distraught about leaving my twenties. More about entering adulthood. I am hoping I can still get away with the same shenanigans that I have for the past few years of my life. What else is there exactly?

I’ve had a few too many drinks tonight, so I need to head to bed now. Maybe I’ll run by McDs in the morning just for fun. Haven’t done that since I’ve been 30. Oh, I suddenly see a whole new world of new beginnings in front of me!!!!

Effort

I am starting to get hate messages warning me to blog or else, so here it is. I have put myself on somewhat of a dating hiatus. Not that I'm not communicating with men about possible dates, but just not really following through on them. I have reached a state of apathy currently.

Will he call? Hell, who cares? Not me.

If he does call, often I wait days to return the call if I do at all. Or hope that he is calling to cancel a tentative date.

Just seems like it takes SO MUCH EFFORT these days, and I'd rather hang out with my girl friends (and of course their fabulous beaus). Apparently, though, I am not alone with this feeling. Fish, my favorite blogger, is having a similar experience: http://thisfish.com/Archives/000981.html

Hopefully this notion will pass soon enough or this blog will have to be laid to rest ... and we just can't have that!

see? it isn't just me ...

when i received this today, i had no choice but to post it. i mean, an article about about dating in DC? how appropriate ... enjoy someone else's perspective here for once!

From George Magazine...
By Ann Coulter

The really appropriate setting for writing an article about dating in the nation's capital would be home alone in my D.C. apartment on a Saturday night. By chance, however, I'll be in New York this weekend. By chance, I've been in New York every weekend for approximately the previous 147 weeks, give or take a few shuttle mishaps. But since all my stuff is in D.C., I do have to drop in occasionally. Consequently, I've become a minor authority on dating in Washington. Maybe not on dating exactly but one crucial element of any date: "the ask." Boys in Washington don't know how to ask for a date. What they do is try to trick you into asking them for a date. They say, "I know you're really busy, so call me when you'd like to go out to dinner" or "Call me when you're back in Washington" or, my favorite, "Are we ever going to get together?" What are you supposed to say to such completely insane things? I've never figured that out, which is why these conversations tend to end in hostile silences.

"Call me when you'd like to go out for dinner" isn't asking for a date; it's asking me to ask you for a date. For male readers in Washington, asking for a date entails these indispensable components: an express request for a female's company on a particular date for a specific activity. Oh yes, and the request has to be made to the female herself. Roughly once every two weeks, I get a woman on my answering machine asking me if I'd like to go out with some dumb-ass male friend of hers who's too afraid to call me himself. (For those outside Washington, I'm not kidding.)

This isn't a screeching, hate-filled, anti-male screed. It Is a screeching, hate-filled anti-D.C. screed. There's no large sociological point about relations between the sexes here. It's Washington. I know this, because while D.C. males are on my answering machine with vague announcements that they've called, I still get messages from boys in New York saying, for example, "I have tickets for the opera next Friday. Would you like to go?" Males in every other city know how to ask for dates. So it's not me; it's not feminism; it's not the millennium. I've begun aggressively inquiring of every female I come across:"Pardon, but have you noticed that boys in Washington don't know how to ask for dates?" The consistent response has been a raft of stinging denunciations too numerous to catalog here. If I were asking something preposterous, like "Say, have you noticed all the alligator carcasses in the street lately?" I wouldn't be getting such emphatic affirmations every time. Recently, I asked a female on Capitol Hill about this, and she said right off, as if I were a psychic, "We were just talking about that on Saturday night!" She had been discussing it in a mixed crowd and reported that the boys began hectoring the girls-C'mon, this is the twentieth century. You're modern women; you can ask for dates. I asked her if waiting for women to ask them for dates had worked for these guys. No, they just sit around with friends, year after year, waiting for their theory to play out. This is also how government programs are conceived and tested, so it makes perfect sense that only in Washington are males still waiting for action on the no-ask dating plan.

In fact, the incapacity of the D.C. male to request a date is the perfect synecdoche for this whole pathetic city. There is a total absence of normal civilized conventions in Washington. The customer is always wrong, the cabs don't have meters, and complete strangers ask for the sports section of your paper on the subway. In every real job I've ever had, it was a convention for the boss to give a Christmas gift to the people who work for him. In Washington, minimum-wage staffers take up a collection to buy Christmas gifts for the senator and chief of staff. There's a reason boys asking for dates is a convention of civilized society.

First, someone's going to have to face rejection. It may as well be the aggressive, testosterone-pumping, hunter male. Speaking for myself, I'll take 69 cents on the dollar (or whatever the current feminist myth is) never to have to ask for a date. But the whole point of this convention is to reduce, if not eliminate, the need for rejection anyway. The entire dating system runs on implicit understandings. If the hunter male doesn't like a girl, he doesn't call. That's the end of it. If the hunted female doesn't like the boy, she's unavailable without a good excuse three times in a row. No explanations, no hurt feelings. When you start fiddling with a centuries-old system like this, you're just asking for trouble. If you can't operate by covert signals, you're going to get horrifying, misery-inducing explanations.

Second, no one makes any money in D.C. From this, I deduce that young men should make loads of money. There may be grating aspects to 20- and 30-somethings earning kazillion-dollar bonuses, but at least wealth gives them the self-confidence to ask for a date.

Third, TV is reality in Washington. Restaurants close at 8 P.M. A few really, really late-night places stay open until nine or 10, but even these sometimes close unexpectedly at eight. (In addition to being always wrong, the customer is an impediment to the serious business of Washington, which is watching TV.) So everyone is home watching TV all the time. Like many New Yorkers, I never had a TV, but I got one when I moved to Washington. The peculiar thing about watching TV after a long lapse is that you are actually aware of TV changing your perception of reality. I've started subconsciously associating men of the cloth with murderous Nazi conspiracies, for example. I've got a million more television-induced perception shifts, but the relevant one here is that females are invariably the sexual aggressors on TV. The typical romantic overture on the small screen is boy meets girl, girl drops dress. TV hasn't ruined me yet, though. My romantic fantasy is still this: Girl meets moving-company guy, girl moves back to New York.

what the hell?

the last i spoke to the redhead, he asked if the fact that his match.com profile was still up was an issue. well, he didn't really ask, he just said he hoped it wasn't an issue with us. he hoped that wasn't the reason my profile was active again and causing the awkwardness between us. his profile is always active when i do look at it, which i don't do that often. but tonight, i felt compelled to look at it. his profile hasn't been active in over 5 days. is he trying to say something to me, or is it just a coincidence? i definitely do not think the latter, but not not so sure about the former.

six feet under is on tonight. is it odd that it makes me so happy? it hasn't been on in so long. it makes me feel somewhat normal. maybe because all of the characters are so completely nutty, i seem sane. i love that show ...

the talk

i was all geared up to end it with the redhead tonight. then he called and brought up the recent awkwardness himself. completely caught me off-guard. that's not playing fair at all. did i go through with it? of course not. i don't like talking about these things over the phone, so i didn't say much of anything. besides, i wanted to hear what he had to say about "us". he thinks things are often good, but sometimes extremely awkward. i've been feeling more of the latter myself.

he did bring up the fact that my profile is updated on match. the thought of us being an actual couple made me think. did i want that with this guy? my answer is no. we don't really click, and it isn't all that natural when i'm with him. it feels forced. when i felt him trying to get closer, i pushed back. i activated my online profile again. i broke dates with him or made other plans before he could ask. i don't think i have a fear of commitment, just a fear of commitment with him.

we will both be out of town this weekend, so we agreed to discuss the issue later. i will go in with an open mind and see what happens ...

memorial day

Memorial Day weekend. Seemingly appropriate that I do a little memorial of my so-called dating life. It has been admittedly slow, but I do blame only myself for that since I have been pretty much avoiding it. For example, I am heading off for a girls’ weekend today, but thought I would check in and update since I have been so slack recently.

The redhead is still dangling by a thread, but I am thinking that is over. He is trying to be sweet, and it is annoying me. A sure sign that I am just not into him. Considering his age, I feel as though it is only right that I let him know and move on to find someone else. He is probably getting to a point in his life when he’d like to settle down. Not that we have discussed it, but I’m willing to make the assumption. Otherwise, I really don’t mind hanging out with him, and he isn’t inhibiting my social or dating life in any manner, so it wouldn’t be of concern.

The Party Boy still makes an appearance (by phone) every so often. I haven’t seen him since our first adventure, but we keep talking about making future plans. I am definitely not into him, but he is all about having fun and pays for everything, so what the hell?

A new boy entered the picture a couple of weeks ago. He is a friend of dragonfly’s and seems to be very nice. Almost too nice, but I haven’t gotten a chance to get to know him yet. He’s been traveling, and I have had prior plans on any of his free days. I guess we’ll work it out eventually. I haven’t come up with a proper behavior-appropriate name for him yet, but let’s call him Rugby Boy until I know more …

The SG has not been in touch in months. Too bad, he was pretty cool for a while. That being said, I didn’t really feel a real spark with him either, so it is probably for the best. If he did decide to contact me again, there would definitely be no hard feelings. I easily could have contacted him, but didn’t bother either. Again, probably pretty telling.

Hearsay

Hmmmmm … what is the value of gossip? Is it merely to make us feel like we are the one in the know or is it to make ourselves feel better about ourselves because we are not doing whatever the person we are talking about is rumored to be doing? Hard to tell. It is probably a different motivating factor depending on the gossiper and the gossipee.

My only thought after an entire semester of the laws of evidence is that there is a distinct reason why hearsay is not allowed as a form of evidence in most cases: it is unreliable. There are too many variables affecting the truthfulness of the statement. Seems logical, but yet we all typically cave for any gossip a person can provide us. We are all more than willing to believe just about anything we are told even if we know that it is purely based on a speculation or completely innocent event or conversation.

I feel as though I may have gone on this tangent before here, but I cannot find evidence of it. If it is a repeat, I apologize. What leads me to this conversation is that the Party Boy has quite a reputation with his group of friends. He is known to know how to have a good time (take as many inferences as you can – I mean all of them). He may or may not be able to legally justify his income and expenditures. I didn’t really hang out with him enough to confirm anything, but I was well-warned. I decided to just go with the flow, but do so with my eyes and ears wide open. Nothing implicating anything extremely strange or even slightly illegal was ever mentioned while I was out with him. Maybe he was just being careful considering my education area or maybe the rumors are merely just that and nothing more.

I admit though, typically rumors and stereotypes result from some legitimate fact, whether it be misconstrued or exaggerated. These stories come from his frat brothers … maybe he was young and dumb, and he has changed his ways. Or maybe I should stay away. Doesn’t really matter in this case because I’m not interested … thank God I don’t have to find out!

public appearances

What exactly does it mean when the person you have been seeing makes a public appearance with your friends? Is that an automatic sign of intent to be more or merely a test to see if that person could be more? I ask only because the redhead made a very voluntary, unsolicited public appearance a couple of weeks ago. I was out with the usual crew having the usual “one drink” that had turned into an all night affair. He called and decided he was going to pick me up there and then we would hang out. As I’ve mentioned before, he is not a drinker, so it was a bit odd for him to try to mix with my very tipsy crowd. He held his own, but I resorted to literally hanging on my pseudo boyfriend Chris (Miss V’s fiancée), instead of hanging with the guy that was there to see me.

Do I have a fear of commitment? I think not. I think I only am not thinking of this guy as more than a fuck. Excuse my bluntness, but I’m trying to be honest here. He’s a nice guy, but there are no sparks going off with him. I enjoy hanging out with him, but he is not a long-term type of thing that deserves my friends’ attention. I don’t really mind the fact that they met him, especially considering the fact that they may be beginning to think my entire dating life is a sham because they never meet any of these guys; but it just doesn’t seem worth all the effort to try to mesh those two worlds until I know it is right. Or at least somewhat more worthy.

I often long for the guy that requests to hang out with my friends because he realizes how important they are to me, but at the same time, I am cautious of who I am willing to expose to that part of my life. My friends are the most important thing in my life and also the gatekeepers of my most intimate secrets. To expose an outsider to this relationship is of the most utmost seriousness to me. I know I definitely put way too much importance on this innocent maneuver, but for whatever reason, it really means a lot to me.

Maybe I should take a hint: this is most likely NOT the right guy!!!!

taco tupee

okay, so i've received many complaints about my recent hiatus from the blog. to be honest, it isn't by choice. i love to blog and tell you all what is going on in my dating life. i have just been crazy busy. who would have thought that i would be more busy after finals??? i have the best social life and the best friends EVER, i cannot deny that fact. as much as i love my laptop, the temptation to go hang out with friends and have drinks on a nice day outside wins ever time. at least i am not THAT much of a cybergeek...

but, let's catch up:

the girls and i were discussing the possible benefits of a brazilian bikini wax (and the permanent laser option as well) and we came to the discussion of what if you decided to permanently remove too much hair?!?! the obvious trend recently is to go completely BARE, but what happens when that trend changes and you've chosen the laser route??? Is there a possible market for taco toupees? Will that be socially acceptable or will women have to get plugs and hope for the best? If so, will they stay in place during THE activity???? How exactly would you keep them in place?? Or is it a done deal and men will just have to deal with what they thought was sexy during this time for the rest of their lives? Maybe this serves them right, but who actually is the victim in this situation? No doubt, the man will be the one to invent and market the taco toupee. And no doubt they will profit from it beyond all sense of reasonableness. I mean, look at the high heel. Whoever thought that would be as popular as it is??? They hurt, they are uncomfortable, they cause long term back problems, but yet, men love the look and therefore women wear them and long for the best version they can create. I admit that I prefer them over flats any day.

Sexual brainwashing.

so many questions. As for the pubic hair question, I think I'll choose to stick to a temporary solution to the trend and only do a permanent option for the always unwanted area (i.e., bikini). isn't exciting to be a female??? so many things to debate....

binge and purge

well, folks, since we last saw our fearless leader, she was finishing up finals, heading to gold cup, then off to cancun mexico with the law-school harem. although there have been many adventures demanding blog attention, our heiress has been a bit under the weather the last few days with a rather severe case of, um, lets call it food poisoning. none of us know the true nature of this wretched creature that encompassed the bowels of ms independent, but it did not treat her with kindness and has made her life rather uncomfortable.

fear not, kids! she is gradually on the upswing and will most definitely bounce back in just a short time. she will be sipping on margaritas, cosmopolitans, stellas and rum drinks again in no time flat. not only does this give her much more ample opportunity to find some fine young men to blog about, but it also provides much entertainment for everyone participating in the festivities. belly up to the bar my friends while we wait for MsIndy to recuperate fully (a few toasts in her honor could never hurt either) ... we have quite a few stories to tell to bring us up to date!

who am i??

i was soooo wrong about myself.
i really am evil.
possibly bezlebub himself.

i give into temptation, and the buffet is full of it as we well know. saturday it was a text message from Party Boy (the one from the wedding reception). The name is appropriate, but I'll leave that for another post. He suggests a low-key dinner study-break, and I go for it.

SUCKER!

Soon after that, I receive a surprise call from the Redhead who wants to bring me Starbucks while I'm studying. (Everyone together now: "Awwwwwww"). Who could resist that? Not ms willpower herself. Unfortunately, he wasn't on his way, and was coming by my place in an hour and a half or so ... approximately an hour before Party Boy picks me up. Hmmmmm. Uh oh. So I think quickly, tell PB that I'll need an extra half hour and tell the RH that I made dinner plans with Ms Dragonfly. He still brings me my caramel macchiatto, and we play around until I realize that it is after 7 ... PB will be here in less than 30 mins!! I basically push RH out the door, touch up my make-up, brush my hair and squirt on some perfume. Voila!

Then the guilt sets in ... HARD. Not because I'm technically doing anything wrong, but because I had to lie to do it. I guess I could have told RH that I had a date since we haven't made any commitments to each other, but that just seems like I'm rubbing it in his face. Besides, guilt isn't anything a couple of grey goose and cranberries won't take care of ...

Turns out, PB takes me to a very nice dinner at Ortanique with a group of his friends. Then on to dessert, which consisted of several chocolate martinis for all of us. Way too many martinis later, I'm back at his place, and his roommate is offering me scrubs to sleep in. How do I get myself into these situations?? Oh yeah, my best friend Al Cohol puts me there. Party Boy tries to molest me, but other than the fact that he really can kiss well (yum), there isn't much tempting me to let him (he's lacking SUBSTANCE ... he is purely for entertainment purposes only). so I push him off all night until he finally gives up. Whew!

trash

Why is it that people feel as though it is always someone’s job to pick up after them? What tells a person that it is okay to leave their starbucks cup on the table after they leave even though the trashcan is on their way out the door? Clearly this wouldn’t apply in places where people are paid to serve you, but we all know the difference, don’t we? I’m sure I have been guilty on more than one occasion of doing something stupid in this genre or making assumptions that were obvious to others. But in starbucks??? It isn’t like this is the first time you’ve been here. We all know how it works. They are kind enough to let people sit around for hours doing nothing and how do we repay them (ok, besides for the $5 latte)? We let them clean up after us, too. I can bet most of those workers are barely making enough to buy a latte with their hourly wage after taxes.

This is the same for people who feel like throwing trash and cigarette butts out the window is appropriate or not reprehensible. Or the women in bathrooms who get water all over the counter, throw paper towels everywhere or trash the toilets. Where did you grow up? What makes you so god-damned special that you think others should clean up the messes you make?? I wish I had your mother. Mine sure as hell didn’t clean up after me, and I am glad for that now. I know how to wash my own clothes, my own condo and my own dishes. I find myself so disgusted by these people who don’t. It is rude, presumptuous and completely unacceptable, but for some reason I see it on a daily basis.

Sometimes I hate Americans. We are so fucking spoiled, and all we can do is complain about it. Where the hell do we get off?? We have no right to complain about shit. We have everything we need to survive handed to us on a silver platter in comparison to other people in most other countries. As long as you make a reasonable amount of effort to get out of bed and keep a job, you will be fine. Not saying there aren’t the less fortunate here, too, but that’s off topic. And not to say a good rant isn't necessary (what do you think this blog is???), but don't take advantage of others in stupid, inconsiderate ways. Grow up, drink lots, and be merry.

Okay, I’ll end my rant here and get back to studying, or as choofly would say, learn how to fight The Man.

So little time ...

I have so much to blog about these days, but such little time to do it. In the midst of finals, everything else seems like a chore, even enjoyable things. But for a small recap (mainly to remind myself of what to blog about later), here are topics of current interest:

Taco toupee
Public appearances
Hearsay
Pillow talk

If any of you who have been around have any other topics that I have forgotten, please remind me. I will be back soon, I promise. Don't miss me too much ...

second thoughts

i am having second thoughts about my last post. not that i think that i am not so much the player, but more that i may have presented it in the wrong light. i am not TRYING to date as many men as possible, but I have not found anyone who has made me want to commit to them in quite some time, possibilities seem to present themselves rather regularly these days, and i seen no reason to tell perfectly good men no, even if i see no future in it. I am just trying to enjoy myself, not limit my options and see what happens. I didn't use to have this so-called problem, so I think it is a combination of narrowing down what I really want and having several choices in front of me to test out.

It is somewhat like a buffet. The fillers are in the beginning. the experts know to skip those or only pick very carefully. the good stuff is at the end, but some of the middle stuff is REALLY yummy and worth your stomach space. so, you test it all out before you commit. after you taste it all, you go back for the best items (and dessert, of course). if you come back to the same buffet multiple times, you eventually know, and go straight for, what's the best. skipping all the crap in between, but still grabbing a couple of the "not as worthy" items just for kicks.

That's where I am in my dating life. I know what's good, but still want a hot buttered roll and the ultimate chocolate dessert here and there. When that perfectly cooked piece of meat shows up, I'll be ready to fully commit and devour it in one sitting. Puns fully intended.

Playa

For years I have never quite understood the male “playa” mentality. Jumping from woman to woman, but keeping them all close enough to call for the occasional date, but never too close in catch they are spotted out with someone else. As an outsider, I view it as degrading to the woman “played” and as perpetuating the social negative male stereotypes. But, this system provides them plenty of guy time and allows them to keep things so casual that a date break is not a complete deal breaker. Besides, it keeps the women interested … everyone wants what they can’t tame.

After a few cocktails and much discussion on my current love life and guys in general, my friend totally calls me out – YOU are the playa!

At first I giggle ... guilty as charged. But after much thought, I begin to wonder what has changed for me that has morphed my complete outlook on dating. Is it a supply/demand issue? Just 5 years ago, most of my girlfriends were young, single hotties out on the town every weekend scoping out the guys. Now, most of my girlfriends are still young hotties, but seriously attached or married. For the men looking for a sensible single woman over 26 or 27, the pool of decent possibilities is seriously depleted. Of course, the number of available men is also on the downturn, but since men tend to mature a bit slower and get married a bit older than women -- the result seems to be a substantial improvement to my single status. Of course, this window of increased opportunity is only so big. Eventually, age will catch up with me and the only available men will be divorcees with children or complete 40 yr old losers that still view partying at Dewey Beach every weekend as the ultimate summer. But I think I will enjoy it while it lasts, but keep my eyes open for that special one that makes me tingle all over …

Technology rocks

Text messaging. The wave of the future. Or maybe it is already here, but I'm too old to really catch on completely. I know all the kids prefer it over actually TALKING on the phone. As IF!

Text messages from three different boys in the last couple of weeks: CJG, the New Guy and some random I basically said only hi to at a wedding reception Saturday night. I guess I best get used to it. I do love technology and I am the first to admit I am better on email or IM than on the phone. Gives you that extra minute of pause to think up that good reply that you just aren't quick enough to do in person most of the time. Makes me seem much more witty than I really am. But you can't be all that witty within the limits of text messaging. Or is that the artform that I have yet to master?

This handy little tool is somewhat foreign to me at times. I understand the beauty of it when you are in a loud crowded bar or at a show, etc. But what is the obsession about? Not to mention, it provides the other party with a permanent record of your drunken messages:

Will work that pussey all nite long.

Yep. That's what I received from CJG one night recently. Actually, that is what my friends received on my phone after they decided to fuck with him a little and play hard to get. Which brings me to the point that you never know who may be writing you or who may see your message. Please note that the key word is misspelled. Drunk spelling may be worse than drunk dialing. Forever engraved in my head and my cell phone. And don't think for one micro-second that I haven't pulled out my phone to show that to just about every single one of my girlfriends. I can't wait until the day I am out with a few of my ladies, and we run into him ... they are never quite as gentle as I am. Let the games begin!

Anonymity

As I continue to blog about my past, present and future dates, I have to wonder – what if I get found out by my current or past beaus? Obviously, I don’t use names, but it would be undoubtedly obvious to anyone close to me who I am referring to, especially if it is them! Really, does Carrie Bradshaw have this problem? She writes about all of her dirty laundry and never once is it mentioned by the man she is dating. They obviously know she writes a sex column – wouldn’t they read it and think, “She’s talking about me!” even if she wasn’t? Why wasn’t that ever an episode in Sex and the City? Stupid TV writers – what fantasy world are they living in anyway??? I know I would never hear the end of it if one of these fine, upstanding young, um, "men" ever found this site. Not that they don't truly deserve to know the truth of their fuckedupedness ...

Lucky

Ever have one of those nights with one of your friends that you just can’t explain to anyone else? That happened last night. Miss V and I met after work to look at shoes for her wedding. Sounds innocent enough, but I didn’t make it to work today as a result.

Shopping = food = beer = bar = boys = free beer = drunk = stupid = hangover = calling in sick.

Still in our work clothes, we manage to run into a couple of boys who want us to play pool. A friend from class shows up, too, and the night takes off.

PDA, booted out of the bar, after party, broken coffee table, carpet stains … just to throw out a few key words to describe the night. Burnt Orange Shirt guy gets cuter and cuter as he delivers the Stella bottles to us without hesitation. Good man. Unfortunately, he doesn’t live here, and he leaves tomorrow morning. Not that I need the kind of complication that a long distance fling would bring into my life anyway, but he definitely made me laugh more than most guys I’ve know. I’ll blame it on freedom – the freedom to be yourself in front of someone you will most likely never see again. It is rather liberating with just a hint of sadness. I am even free to admit that I’d go on a real date with him, only because it will never happen. My aloofness deserves a vacation every now and then – hopeless crushes are good. And as we all know too well, if there was a chance in hell that he’d be around for any amount of time, I’d pick him apart until all that was left was a meatless carcass.

On a final note, Miss V’s fiancé has officially banned us from planning play dates during the week. The voice mail he left me used words such as

“irresponsible” & “immature” & “not to be trusted”

in combination with the theme of repetition. Like we do this often or something … it has been at least 6 months since the last time we skipped out on work due to an unplanned week night out. A girl has to have a night out every so often. We are not 30 or married yet, why act like it? Hell, most of the time he drives the bus that takes us to Drunken Debauchery Land and although we are trying to escape by climbing out the windows he has us chained to the seats to ensure we endure the entire wild ride. I think he’s just jealous he wasn’t there.

No Class Wednesdays

The MCs (married chicks) decide that I must meet the new single guy at their work. Conveniently, the New Guy coordinates a happy hour on Wednesday, which just so happens is my night off from class. So, I coordinate with ermmagirl and head over to the bar. Within minutes of walking through the door, he is chatting me up, and things are going along smoothly. It took basically no effort to get him into a conversation. I guess that’s why he is in marketing. I move over to talk with some other friends and never get back to the New Guy. Two of his female friends join him and the groups separate. Wait a minute, don’t they realize that he is mine to assess for the evening? How am I supposed to find out everything wrong about him, critique him like a bad B movie and dismiss him if I can’t even grab his attention away from these two tramps?

Now we’ll have to meet again so that I can size him up appropriately. But that’s what this type of year is great for – happy hours and shameless flirting.

The night ends early, so what’s a single girl to do on her night off? Call the Redhead of course! He doesn’t hesitate to invite me over, and I don’t hesitate to accept. Things are definitely going well on that front, but I’m just not sure how long he’ll be able to hold my attention. I think I’ll just sit back and enjoy myself until I find out.

See? No class on Wednesdays.

Joyride

It has been a long week, and I am finally starting to feel more like myself again. Laughter is truly the best medicine. The Barbie short bus came out again on saturday night. Girls’ day was exactly what the situation required. Granted I haven’t been all that productive today because of the vast amounts of alcohol I imbibed last night, but it was well worth it. I haven’t had that kind of fun in a really long time and needed it desperately.

Ermmagirl is like a good luck charm or something when it comes to my dating life. Last time, it was The Youngin’ (a story for another time), and this time it was both Baldy and Mulva. Managed to get BOTH numbers in one night. Miss V also gets mad props for reeling them in with her acrobatics on the silver couch!! You would never know the place basically was empty based on our level of amusement. Thankfully, the whole night also was documented on camera. Ahhhh … I love technology.

On a side note, the Redhead stopped by tonight for a “study break.” Seemed more like a make-out break to me, but hell, who am I to argue about technicalities?!?!? I called him old, and he threatened to spank me for it … yeah, baby!

Pagan Rituals on Easter

I’m going to get a beer, do you want anything?

That was my approach to determining if my drinking would concern my date in the least. It didn’t seem to, he got a Red Bull and didn’t hesitate to smooch me later. I still haven’t gotten the nerve to ask him about it. He has mentioned drinking when he was younger, so maybe it is just a healthy lifestyle decision, but something tells me there is more to it than that.

He doesn’t have a wonderful bubbly personality or anything. It isn’t bad or even dull, just nothing particularly engaging. Maybe he’s an introvert like me. We’d probably have great conversations drunk. And he isn’t hot by any means – although he is much better physical shape than myself who is 11 years his junior. So what is it? Is it the draw towards feeling as if I am wanted? Maybe. Or possibly the mystery that surrounds him – I pegged him for an older, safe government contracts attorney that would completely bore me in approximately 2 dates like the Neighbor. But instead he takes me to the Blackcat to see an alternative NY band that we’ve never heard of – and we are disappointed when they only play a 45 minute show. He isn’t touchy when we are out, but once behind closed doors, a completely different personality appears. He obviously knows how to have a good time and isn’t hindered by what others may consider faux pas. Now I even question how safe he is – not as in “in danger” – but as in “a sure thing.” Maybe this persistence thing is his come-on act for all women. Seems like a lot of work, but maybe some are a bit easier than I am.

His group of friends is almost exclusively made up of women. Or at least it seems so by his conversations. He just doesn’t dress well enough to be gay, so that isn’t of concern. Is he the guy that all women love but think of as only a friend that they could never date? What does this mean for me? Not sure. Luckily, I’m not the jealous type, although I have checked a couple of times to see if his match profile is still active (it is). I think it would actually scare me more if it weren’t. I’m not ready for a full commitment from this guy yet, I haven’t even determined if I like him or not ...

Chaste

It has been well over a year since I've made it to date 4 with anybody, but apparently I'm heading that direction this weekend with the RH. He waited the mandatory 2 days to contact me, and we've been emailing back and forth for the past couple of days. A rather foreign concept these days. Most men are scared to contact you more than say, once a week, unless they are firming up plans for a date. I guess this guy's been around the dating block a few times because he seems to have struck a good balance and have a feel for when the time is appropriate to reach out or hold back.

But what is balanced about taking four months to get to date 4??? you understandably ask. Maybe I've been a little vague before now, but it was actually me who turned him down many, many times. It has been 4 months since the first date, but it was months before that when he first contacted me on match. In fact, the first email exchange I can locate (which is definitely not the initial one) is dated July 04! He is undeniably persistent, yet not in a scary stalkish type way. I think he digs me. But then again, who wouldn't? Ha! If that were only true ...

Not sure what we are doing yet, but I'm somewhat certain we'll end up at his place since he has mentioned his fireplace and cleaning his townhouse several times. The opportunity for a grand, romantic make-out session and wouldn't you know it -- miss flow comes in town for a visit! damn my luck. At least that will keep everything within certain boundaries. No guess work involved. Maybe he'll think I'm chaste. I had to say that b/c that word makes me laugh -- not necessarily b/c of its meaning. Just one of those words that makes me giggle. I'm sure it is prompted by some immature notion I have stemming from adolescence that is connected to its meaning, but hey, who said i was mature?

Predictability

The phone rings.
What are you wearing?
You aren’t serious, are you?

He was serious. This was an extension to a rather unexpected ending to a entertaining, but not all that exciting date. It started innocent and uneventful enough. Dinner and a movie. Macaroni Grill of all places. Not bad I guess, but not really all that great either. Maybe we need to school him. Look at him. He can’t dress. Of course we need to school him. Not to mention we need to work on that whole not drinking thing. But he did mention going out to places around the area, so I have to assume he isn’t against drinking per se, just not in to doing it himself. He ordered flavored iced tea. I had water. Next time I will have wine. I’ll need it to prepare me for what he may pull out of that hat of his.

Be Cool was surprising entertaining. A somewhat fitting analogy for the entire date. I had very low expectations, and they were exceeded. Considering my last few dates (other than the SG) have only lowered the bar, I must say this was a pleasant surprise. Not that anything amazingly fantastic happened (other than the make out session in the car and the phone call afterwards), but it was nice that nothing horrible happened. Is this what my standards have come to after all this time? Just being satisfied with the not so horrible?

Miss V’s fiancée will hate him. That’s what kept going through my head the entire night. Not sure why, other than the fact that he seemed to be straight-laced and not much of a party guy. But then again, he keeps surprising me: the suggestion to come up to my place (thank god my place was dirty, and I opted against that glass of wine!), the surprising kiss at the end that turned into a rather intensive make-out session in the car (are we 16?), and of course the phone call. Two days ago, I considered him safe, but basic and boring. Now I’m not so sure I know him at all …

Three

Three. There is something about the number that I haven’t been able to pinpoint. Particularly in dating. I do know that if I don’t like a guy, he will never see date 3 with me. I have found that if I am getting dumped, I won’t see date 3 with him either (nor will he call to let me know when I think things are going fine, but that is a completely different subject altogether). What I don’t know is what date 3 actually means to most people, particularly men. For some, it seems to be the appropriate time for a first kiss, for others, they think it is perfectly acceptable to ask you to spend the night, and still others, ask you to be their girlfriend. But, no way around it, date 3 means something. So much so, I dread the third date. No, I dread the time period preceding the third date until after the forth. It is full of insecurity and self-doubting. Two traits I wish I could delete from my character.

Will he call?
What if he doesn't call?
Why hasn't he called? Play by play with friends over the last date to determine what possibly went wrong.
It isn't you, its him. You intimidate him. Sure ... like this 5'2 petite frame intimidates a hamster.

The time period surrounding #3 is delicate. Fragile.

Why am I disclosing my third date theory to all of you at this moment? Clearly, because I am currently in that time period with not one, but 2 men. I do have 1 third date scheduled for this week. To my utter dismay and complete discontent, the time period between date 2 and 3 has been approximately 6 weeks. Does this mean that if there is a date 4 that I will be in limbo for approximately 3 months total with this guy?!?!? I’m not sure I can tolerate that. Nor am I sure I can tolerate his intolerance for alcohol. I mean, what attorney in their right mind doesn’t drink? Obviously, he is in the wrong state of mind. I guess we will see how that plays out when I order a glass of red wine at dinner. The last guy I dated who didn’t drink brought me white zin when I ordered a glass of zinfandel. The HORROR!

I should have ended it then. It should have been a sign. No, it was a sign that I opted to ignore. I will never make that mistake again. Or am I doing it again by going out with this guy?

As for the second guy, well, not sure about him. He’s giving me all the “I’m just not that in to you” signals right now. Which can also be interpreted as the “I’m just too cool to act like I’m in to you” signals as well, but I'm more of a realist. I've been here too many times to think positively. Either way, they are making me think twice about accepting a date 3 offer, if there is one. I will. I always do – just to see if I was right? Just to force them to dump me, or do something that I consider a deal breaker? Or maybe, just maybe, I’m hoping he will prove me wrong. Highly unlikely. I hate to be wrong.

But I am … often.

But never about date 3. So far, anyway.

Starbies, the Gay Friend & Curb Potential

I know I've been a little slack in posting this week. Coming off of Spring Break was a bit harder than I thought ... I'm back on the Starbucks train, which I had managed to deboard for almost a week. Being on the train is much more pleasant for all those involved, though, so I'll take one for the team. Just don't tell my dad! As for the update in my dating life, there isn't much because I was out of town for the weekend. I went home to help Miss V choose bridesmaid dresses. They say weddings are a good place to meet dates, but this will be the fourth one in a year or so, and I haven't met any potential dates. Maybe you need to bring a date in order to meet another one ... I need to find that "stand-by" guy that will attend all the occasions where I need a date. You know, the gay or completely a-sexual (to me anyway) friend that you completely adore. Whatever happened to him?

I digress ... Now for the update:
Friday, as I am shutting down my computer to leave work and head to my hometown for the weekend, I get a call from the Redhead. He's in town this weekend and wants to get together. Nice notice. When I return from the weekend, I see that the SG sent an email about an hour after I left on Friday.

What is the deal?????

Don't these men realize that they should contact me at least 2 days in advance of a potential date? Believe me, I don't subscribe to the dating rules book or anything, but I actually do have a life, a pretty great one if you ask me, and I am not putting my plans on hold, waiting for a boy to call. I guess it is better than the CJG who would IM me approximately 10 minutes before he wanted to see me. Or better yet, call when he was "in the neighborhood." Ha! Needless to say, I was just not spontaneous enough for him. Well, sorry kids, but if you manage to squeeze your little scrawny ass into my plentiful social life, you probably belong there. If not, let me introduce you to my good friend, The Curb.

Barbie short bus on the highway to hell

Technically this post is not about the dc dating scene, but last night definitely deserves to be memorialized. And hell, we were at one of the newest, hippest dating spots in Arlington. That counts for something, right? Sure it does. What started out as a suggestion to a few friends to get together for happy hour ended up as a large night of complete drunken debauchery. At almost thirty, you think we'd be past this by now, but oh no ...

So we start out with red wine and apps.

By the end of the night, we have a $250 tab, and the waiter we'd been torturing all night finally refused to serve us another bottle of wine.

But that is not all ...

I hear that I touched tongues with Miss V's fiancee. Who tells me? Miss V, who isn't the least bit mad, just disturbed (I'm glad I don't remember it!). Yes, she was there, and if she had thought of it first, would have been the instigator. Apparently this was a ploy to turn on the only other guy in the group for me. I'm sure it made sense at the time ... maybe.

Also ermmagirl comes to the realization that she is immensely pissed at her husband, Chad, who isn't even part of the party last night. No, while listening to her favorite indie band on the way home, she decides that Chad has stunted her growth ...

musically

And boy, is she pissed about it. When he comes home, he finds a drunk bitchy ermmagirl who refuses to talk to him for absolutely no reason. She's so mad, she won't even tell him why she's mad. Needless to say, they laughed about it the next morning.

We all wake up the next morning with amazing hangovers, but somehow all make it to work. Of course, we are IMing about last night instead of working, but hey, we are there!

Okay kids, I'm not feeling all that inspired right now, so comment away!!!

Randomness

Where the hell is spring already?!?!? Today was just an evil tease to remind me that it is still winter, I'm still in school, and although Spring Break, I still have to work all week. I've been in a do nothing funk for a couple of weeks now. Not bad enough to keep me at home mind you (read the last few entries), but I have zero motivation to do much of anything else. Instead I search for ex-boyfriends' wedding websites (found them! that does wonders for your ego) and eat too many Healthy Choice mini chocolate chip cookies. At least I do all this while sitting on my new couch! It is beautiful, although broken ... it will be replaced.

What spawned me to look for yet another ex-datee's wedding website was nothing other than an IM from his fiancee! Talk about odd. I went out with this guy (Tom Cruise look alike) ONCE, and we've spoken on IM a couple of times a month since. I mean, honestly, what the hell? After several iterations back and forth of trying to reassure this loon that she was really worried about nothing (why do I bother?), she finally either bought it or gave up. Although TC referred to her as his girlfriend that he was trying to get back together with, their wedding website does in fact say they have been dating since about the time I met him, and they are getting married next month! Not that I care in the least either way.

Where do I find these men? Oh yeah, match.com. Remember kids, quantity, not quality is what you get at those sites. It is entertaining, but exactly like a bar -- good for entertainment, but not where I plan to meet the man I marry. Of course, considering I drink more than most fish, there is no doubt I'll at least be drunk when I meet him! Speaking of, where did I set that glass of wine ... ?

Let's just be friends

I finally had to break down and call the Vegetarian tonight. He is such a nice guy, I just haven’t been able to face the fact that I had to tell him I was interested in more than friendship. I really wish I had gotten to know him otherwise and not because he was interested in dating me. I wanted to see him again, but didn’t want him to have the impression that I was interested in dating him, which is not really fair to him. We’ve only been on one date, but I got the impression that he may have been contemplating asking me out for quite a while. My leaving the job was just a perfect opportunity for him to take a chance and not have to face me if I said no. He took it very well, but then instead of ending the conversation when I should have, I kept blabbing away digging my hole just that much deeper. To say the least, the conversation was rather awkward at the end, and we both were ready to get off the phone. Although I’m determined not to be one of those people who just never call back, this one was by far the hardest. I know I would appreciate the honesty, but some people would probably prefer not knowing and lying to themselves. I hope he can understand and we can at least act normal if/when we ever seen each other again.

The Bartender

I went to dinner with a couple of friends last night and, after a lively conversation about their recent breakups and how we needed to get out more, we decided to head over to the dance club Home. Luckily, we happen to know a bartender there, so we skip the line and get discounted cover charges. Okay, let’s be honest here, I am the one who knows and in fact dated the bartender. Although a great guy (he does have a very good day job, but bartends on weekend nights for extra cash), we went on a few dates and things went progressively downhill. I wouldn’t hear from him for a couple of weeks and then get a drunk phone call at 3am asking if he could come over or that he loved me or whatever was on his drunken mind at the time. If I didn’t answer, he would just keep calling over and over again, leaving a message every third or fourth call (this is not an exaggeration)! But, all in all, he is a good time, and I enjoy flirting with him. And, hell, the free booze and priority service doesn’t hurt either!

I never quite know how he will react when he sees me after several months of no contact, but he is always the same, genuine, sweet guy. He gets me a drink, asks what’s new, if I’m married yet, asks if I miss his drunk dials, and then says he’ll call me soon to hang out. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn’t. I don’t remember the last time we hung out when he wasn’t on the back side of the bar, though … I’m guessing almost 2 years.

The night was great fun until my purse went missing. This would not have been a huge deal, except for the fact that my cell phone, my ONLY phone, was lost with it. Hard to cancel your credit cards without a phone! Luckily the one friend that hadn’t disappeared paid for our cab ride back to my place and she let me use her phone to call the credit card companies. As I was dialing the first one, though, we get a call from the other girl we were with earlier. She has my purse and my friend’s coat! She said she couldn’t find us and thought we had left, so she grabbed our stuff for us. DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA!! Maybe the Bartender was a bit too nice too all of us with those shots! It all worked out in the end my precious cell phone is back at my side. Whew! Close one.

Inevitable

I knew it would happen eventually. I was SMASHED last night, couldn't
find the keys to my place and ran into my neighbor (and yes, he was
walking the dog who was wearing its little coat). I don't really
remember what I said to him, but I think he was trying to be helpful.
Which is more than I can say the last time I ran into him while lugging
my huge new shelf into the elevator by myself. I guess that was before
the new girlfriend, and he was probably still very bitter with me. Ugh!
I need to stay away from bars where when I walk in the bartender finds
seats for me and keeps my wine glass full ....

With my head pounding and a mcdonalds egg & cheese biscuit in hand, I wrote the required apology email. Tune in next time for the next episode of drunk in the city!

Patience is a Virtue ...

A virtue I don't have. I am having a good boy week so far: several emails from both boys (Redhead and SG) basically chatting me up about nothing. Neither asking me out for the weekend, just checkin' in. That is definitely a good sign, right? So "they" say. Then why don't I feel very excited about it? Maybe because I am much more worried about getting a decent smooch out of all of this than I am witty email conversation. In today's world of online dating, coffee dates, and speed dating, the whole notion of conventional courtships seems archaic and slow moving. I am soooo impatient! Of course, if he dared contact me every day and expected to see me every weekend, his ass would be thrown to the curb faster than a NY minute! I just want to get passed all the song and dance and of the dating ritual.

I would definitely fail that test where they put the kid in the room with a twinkie and tell her if she doesn't devour it as soon as she is alone in the room, she'll get two in the future. Nope, I'd eat the twinkie and then be left with the zits, fat feeling and no extra twinkie. In the long run, I guess that's okay because 2 twinkies would just lead to more zits and more time on the treadmill. How does all this relate to my 2 dates? I have no idea ... as usual, I lost my train of thought and boarded a completely different one going in the exact opposite direction. But maybe you can tell me where I was going.

Hey, this is my blog, and I'll write whatever I want dammit!

Bitter El Cheapo

No matter your opinion on whether or not the guy has to pay for the first date, there are certain ways to go about suggesting splitting the check without being overly offensive to either party involved. Bitter El Cheapo was apparently single for a reason. Now, granted, I was 30 minutes late for the date because of traffic, but I had no way to contact him to tell him I was late. I planned to apologize profusely as soon as I got there, but he gave me no such opportunity. After I spotted him and walked over, his first comment:

"Oh, was I wrong? Was the date at 6:30 instead of 6?" with a smart-ass smirk across his face.

Me (completely ticked off by the implication and now with equally smart-ass look on my face and as nonchalantly as possible): "Nope. You were right. I was stuck in traffic and didn't have your number with me. " And I sat down.

El Cheapo graciously rambled off the happy hour specials for me, and I proceeded to order a glass of red wine not included in his list. I'm not sure whether he was stating these for his benefit (doubtful, see end of the story), for mine (doubtful again, he never got over the fact I was late - hence his first name), or for the lack of conversation. Needless to say, the conversation was a bit strained the rest of the time. After about 30 mins, I had had enough and said I needed to go meet some friends for dinner. He promptly got the tab from the bartender. As the bartender turned around, El Cheapo looked over at me and, acting surprised, said: "Oh, do you need to get your tab, too?" The NERVE! Luckily, the bartender had already put us on the same tab. I looked over, saw that my wine was $9, and I quickly handed El Cheapo $12.

El Cheapo: "No, that's okay, you only owe 11." and he hands me back a dollar.

Me: walk out the door and never look back ...

Flamethrowing Superman

SG asked about some of my worst date experiences, which reminded me of how many of my dates I have yet to post on this site. I am not sure how I overlooked the Flamethrowing Superman! I would call him Flaming, but he was definitely not gay. A bit too much of a meat head and almost zero in the clue zone. Hey, look at that, I managed to use two words beginning with a "z" in one sentence! Oh, sorry, back to the story ...

Superman was a friend's boyfriend's friend. You know how those are. You go out with your girlfriend, run into her boyfriend and his friend and you are stuck with this guy for the night. And then he called for a real date. I couldn't go then because I was in the midst of finals, so we pushed it off a couple of weeks. Then came Christmas. This guy actually called me on Christmas Day to wish me a Merry Christmas!!! I should have realized immediately that he was going to be excessively clingy and completely not my type.

As usual, I didn't take the hint and we made a date for the next week. He suggested we go walk around the National Christmas Tree and all the decorations, which I thought was a bit ho-hum, but okay for a first date. Things went downhill from there. He was planning to metro and would meet me on the platform at my stop. He was late. I, of course, wear my typical first date casual, but nice outfit of jeans, nice heeled boots and a cute top. He has on a pull-over fleece, baggy jeans, and tennis shoes. Hmph. Looking at my boots he determines that his idea to walk from the trees to the Capitol won't go over well, which is true, but what exactly is there to see at the Capitol at night anyway?!?!? It isn't like I haven't lived here for the past 7 and a half years or anything. Soooo, we go walk around the state trees, stop by the bon fire and are done in about 30 mins. So, naturally, as we are walking away, I ask where we are headed next. He admits he has no plans for anything else and also has ZERO money. Not just that he needs to hit an ATM, no money at all until he gets paid at midnight that night. Um, why exactly did you ask me out for that night instead of tomorrow night when you would have at least a dollar to your name?!!? Trying to save face and be nice (there's a theme here that I need to put a hold on, huh?), not to mention it is too damn early to do anything else with my friends, I offer to buy him a drink at the Old Ebbit Grill.

Who is at the bar on a date in front of us when we walk in? None other than the Napkin Guy himself! Ha! I was so tempted to say something, but did the typical look away and ignore move instead. Luckily, we found seats far away. I hand Superman my card, ask for a Grey Goose Cosmo (I may as well get a good drink, I AM paying after all) and tell him to order whatever he wants. He gets a Miller Lite. Not that I am a beer snob or anything, but I really hope his reasoning behind his order was that he didn't want me to pay for more than that. I'm guessing it wasn't. As he sits down, he pulls off the fleece and uncovers the t-shirt he has chosen to wear: a black Superman logo tee with flames shooting out from behind the "S"! Ah, what a gem, I think to myself. He says he felt guilted into wearing it because he had gotten it for Christmas. I ask the next logical question: "Did I give it to you for Christmas?"

After two drinks, he has already mentioned that he has to go catch up with his buddies in Clarendon (and checked his voicemail for the details), so I decide it is time to go. He sees me to my metro stop and then proceeds to meet his beer-guzzling, iron-pumping, Superman t-shirt appreciating friends. Then it hits me: this guy has no cash, but plans to go out drinking with his friends for the rest of the night?? I find out later from my friend that Superman and his friends have the bartender hook-up somewhere in Clarendon. If only I were 22 again, he may seem like an almost dream guy: no balls, no brains (which is the only reason he could wear the t-shirt without having balls), no clue and free drinks whenever I wanted. Suuuhhhweeeeet! I would have walked all over him for weeks using his free beer hook-up until I just couldn't justify the annoying fly any longer.

And to top it all off, he called at 10:30 the next morning to tell me he had a good time ... I didn't answer and never heard from him again. Whew!

Need a Push to the Gym?

Need that little extra push to go workout (I know, what the hell am I talking about, right?)? Well, buy this season's swimsuit right now. Yes, NOW. You know the stores are already pushing them on you. Have you been to Target recently? Or how about the five thousand catalogs Victoria's Secret sent you this week?? You do know. Anyway, I digress. The point of this entry is this: buy the swimsuit, try it on and walk your little ass to the gym as fast as you can. You won't even have to think about it. Be sure to change into gym clothes first, though ... you'd ruin that pretty little swimsuit you just bought with sweat ...

Well, if you need me, I'll be on the treadmill ...

The Real First Date with SG

SG and I had our first real date. The first first date was a double date with the couple that set us up, so it didn't really count. Although I thought the first one went well, I wasn't sure if it was because of the other couple or not. Not to mention, on a double date you can never really look face to face with your date because you are always sitting beside them.

Anyway, I thought the real date went well despite my lurking head cold. I tried to keep my head down to earth during the conversations, but a couple of times he went financial-speak on me, and well, you know. I don't think he noticed. Did I mention he was a finance guy? Does some type of due diligence for clients or something. Accounting and I just don't get along well, so I'm glad someone likes it. Credit, debit, whatever.

He walked me to the door again, which I thought was very nice. Only a small peck, but seemed awkward ... Maybe that was my fault. I never know what to do when a man is acting like a gentleman, so I freak out and try to get out of the situation. I thought it would be best to give him a peck, say good-night and get inside! Not to mention I have a cold (so a full kiss was out of the question), there are extremely bright lights at my front door and all the desk folk can see what's going on at the door on camera. I'm not one to be the center of attention, especially while showing any signs of affection. Ick!

All in all, not sure how he feels at all, but I would definitely see him again. Unfortunately, that would be date three, and we all know about date three. Or do we? Ah, material for another post ...

Cruise calls it off

I get an email from the Tom Cruise look alike today. He has NEVER emailed me before, so I know this is odd. I had IMed him last night when I saw him online, but he never responded. Turns out that he and his new girlfriend were on the computer, and she apparently got very upset that I had sent an IM. So, he sends a rather abrupt email asking me to never IM him again. SORRY dude! Did you ever tell me you had a freakishly jealous girlfriend??? I think not. I thought about replying with some smart ass email stating that he could IM me anytime because, unlike himself, I would never let a jealous boyfriend control me or dictate whom I could talk to (and for all of you grammar nazis, yes I KNOW I ended the sentence in a preposition and i MEANT to *gasp* -- this is my blog, it sounds better that way, and you can just deal). Again, I'm too nice and sent a "sure, you got it, whatever dude" type email. Not nearly as satisfying, but that's why I'm doing this blog, right?

Current Status

Those are probably the major highlights of the past year. I am now dating a couple of guys (okay, 3 if you want to be technical), but all of which are VERY casual. A date here and there and all less than 3 dates each. Let's name them, shall we?

We have the redhead govt contracts attorney who is 4o, but definitely doesn't look or act that much older than me. Met him on match last year ... he pursued me persistently until I gave in and met him for coffee in November. Finals and the holidays happened, and I didn't see him again until a couple of weeks ago for lunch. Then work happened and he's in Florida pretty much full time for a few weeks .... we'll call him "the redhead" for now.

Next is a guy I was set-up with by an ex-coworker. Only been on a group date with him, so not sure about it yet, but going well so far. He is by far the most well-mannered date I've had (or at least remember) since moving to DC. He needs a name ... how about SG for "Southern Gentleman"?

Third, there is an ex-coworker. Not really my type, but super nice guy and very interesting. I'm thinking I need to nip this one in the bud before I really feel bad, though. Any suggestions for a name? Oh, he's a vegetarian ... we'll use that.

Cranberry Juice Guy

I met the CJG on yahoo personals. I thought I would try a new site since match was only so-so. Yahoo is definitely inferior in my experience. Not just because of CJG, he was only the beginning. This was during the period of time when I began to think that canceling the first date was normal, and possibly some sort of dating test. Not that I really care to be honest. Maybe that is the problem -- they want me to care. But if I can say one positive thing about online dating, it is the ability to have a date whenever you want one. It takes away the desperate issue altogether.

But on to the story ...
CJG and I had drinks and dinner at Faccia Luna in Arlington after work. I thought we had a great time, but he was, shall we say, fishing for compliments. He is very entertaining. But he requires more positive reinforcement than I am willing to give him, particularly on a first date. He walked me to the metro, but went to kiss me and then backed away like a tease. I honestly have no idea what he was trying to do, but we have all decided he is gay.

However, I was willing to hang out with him a couple of more times for a very casual date (gay men are GREAT friends). On date three, we decided to hang out for a while in my place. He walked in, went straight into the kitchen, opened my refrigerator and drank out of my cranberry juice straight from the container!!!!! WHO DOES THAT!?!?!?!? Not to mention, he seemed to feel no embarrassment when I caught him. He didn't understand why I was annoyed and just said that I could keep that bottle for him each time he came over. NOT!!! Needless to say, he's never been invited back into my place.

He still contacts me from time to time ... what a loser!