Friday, November 18, 2005


I often have to remind myself to just take a few deep breaths and things will improve. I will get through all of the shit that life keeps throwing at me. To be cliche - that which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. And I am improving and each week seems to get better.

Why is it then that I haven't been able to stop crying all day? Luckily, I already had the day off, but I have wasted it listening to one song and crying instead of studying? Maybe if I had a voice or any creative writing talent, I'd be able to release all of this. I guess that is why I blog.

I never intended on this blog to be a "diary" of sorts, but it is definitely morphing into it. And it does help. For any readers that read for the funny dating stories, I must apologize for changing the mood recently. Once I pick myself and everyone else back up, I will hope to make up for it and "throw the cat around" a bit to quote miss v's hubby. probably not to the extent he means, but get myself out there on the dating scene again.

I hope writing now will help me to focus for the rest of the day on the things I need to do. Wish me luck!

Here are the lyrics to the song I can't seem to stop playing:

"Breathe (2am)" - Anna Nalick

2AM and she calls me cause I'm still awake
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season.
Yeah, we walk through the doors.
So accusing their eyes like they have any right at all to criticize
Hypocrites! You're all here for the very same reason.

But you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl so cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe

In May he turned 21 on the base of Fort Bliss
Just a day, he said, down to the flask in his fist
Ain't been sober since maybe October of last year.
And here in town you can tell he's been down for a while
but, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles
Wanna hold him
Maybe I'll just sing about it
. . . .

There's a light at each end of this tunnel
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out and these mistakes you've made,
you'll just make them again if you only try turning around

2AM and I'm still awake writing a song
If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd 'cause these words are my diary screaming out loud and I know that you'll use them however you want to

But you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl
so cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe . . .

Saturday, November 12, 2005


stinky drunk boys. aren't they fun? always. and they even remind you to change your sheets regularly. what is wrong with that?

oh, yeah, the fact that i am "old" . . .

i cannot be responsible for the sdb's that visit after i have too much wine. he calls, and it seems like a good idea at the time. we don't have or do anything sexual ... just argue, play su do ku, and drink. i like it. i just hope that i'm not being the asshole this time.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

ms intimidation?

sorry it has been a while since my last post. the personal life that has zero to do with my dating life (other than the fact that it prevents it) has been taking over recently. in fact, i broke down completely yesterday morning on my way to work, but luckily miss v talked some sense into me and i called in sick to work to finish up my paper. with a major first draft of my paper out of the way, i am feeling a lot better. 4 weeks and 1 day to go until the end of the semester. now i only have to learn two subjects in less than 4 weeks. pshht ... no problem!

i read an article on the post last night that made me ponder if maybe miranda was on the right track when she acted like a flight attendant instead of an attorney in order to get a date. granted, deception is not my strong point, so this is all hypothetically speaking. the article was about a local gay guy who has recently written a book for women, speaking as the gay friend all women need. the women who wrote the article met the author for drinks and he immediately said that although she should keep her standards high, she should not cross men who don't meet them immediately off the list. Miss Overly Critical, Miss Defensive and Miss Independent. Apparently, this behavior is either a complete turn-off to any man that she would have an interest in or she stops the relationship before it starts because they do not meet her high standards immediately.

Me? critical? nah....

Seriously, these guys DESERVE the critique i provide. if only they knew about this blog and could learn from it. maybe i am helping other men who see some of their own behaviors in my stories? okay, i admit it, this is purely for entertainment purposes!

so, i am thinking of changing my name from ms independent. any ideas?