Sunday, June 25, 2006

Oops, I did it again ...

Twice in one week, I found myself in a situation that, after looking back, makes me a complete asshole. Not because of anything I did, but because of what I have no intention to do later. These two men have not been so subtle about their attraction to me in the past. Not to the point of actually asking me out, but more on an attention level when we happen to be out in groups. I have had confirmation of my suspicions on both, so I’m not just being presumptuous. And I know I am not compatible with either and don’t plan to prove that fact by starting something that will inevitably end up disastrous. Considering that both are in my very close circle of friends, I shutter to think of how ugly something like that could be.

On both occasions, I had been drinking, so I didn’t want to drive home. Sensible yes, but I saw both situations coming way before my first beer. But yet, for whatever reason, I chose not to avoid the situation. No sex, no craziness, but definitely feeding the attraction and encouraging the behavior.

One I just know better than go there. Too many flashing red lights, and things I would want to change about him before he would be “datable.” All of us smart women know that is a deal breaker. Never go into a relationship thinking you can change him. You can’t. We will remain “just friends.”

The other? I am just completely not attracted to him. Not to mention he is a stiff tongue kisser – eeeewwwwww. I thought I would never meet that guy again after high school. Apparently, they still exist into adulthood. The future looks bleak. He mentioned several times before I left that we needed to hang out and that he’d call me. And he did. I haven’t returned the call yet. But I can’t decide which is worse: to call back and keep encouraging him until we inevitably go out, and I have to tell him that it isn’t going anywhere; call him back and tell him I can’t go out with him over the phone; or ignoring him until I will inevitably see him again with our friends.

Like I said, I am a complete asshole.

Friday, June 16, 2006


Has it really been that long since my last post?? Time seems to be flying these days. It will be over a week before I even realize I have entered the next month. Time is slipping away from me. But, considering the stress of studying for the bar exam, this is probably a very good thing.

This seems to be a period of transition. I have many friends that are in major transitions of their lives. Divorces, marriages, new homes, new loves, break-ups, engagements, babies, new jobs, new relationships, etc. Maybe that's just where I am in life. I will be "thirty-something" at the end of the month. Many people, including my mother, have told me about how great the thirties are: a lot of respect professionally, decent money,but relatively little responsibility. Considering this often comes from parents who have so much more responsibility than me, I have to think the next decade can only be fabulous. Most of the transitions are positive moves, whether or not they appear pretty on the face of it. No, they all are ... I believe that everything happens for a reason and as cliche as it is, what doesn't kill us, make us stronger. And better. People who have been handed everything on a silver platter all of their lives are shallow for a reason. Not saying that it is their fault, but I'm glad I am not one of them. No education, amount of money, or book learning can replace real life experiences.

And why exactly is Jason Priestly back on television? Ah, I digress ...

The dating scene isn't so blog-worthy these days. But I really am happier than I have been in years ... maybe ever. Life seems rather easy, and I think I have it easier than most - although I'm not sure my friends agree. I am lucky. I don't deny it. Yes, I work hard, but I also fuck up as much as the next, but for some reason, I still land on top. I think it is a matter of solid values. Not values that imposed on me by work, my parents, religion, society or anything else; but values that i TRULY believe in. It doesn't matter WHAT you believe, as long as you really believe it and live it. The people that have similar values will be attracted - it is that simple. How often do you hang out with people who don't have the same baseline values as you? Not saying that you aren't different from them or chose different options than your friends, but no matter what you guys click. I like to think that the reason I have the BEST friends EVER is because I am also a good friend. It works and no matter what, these people will be by your side forever - so chose wisely and don't just follow fads - good peeps are good peeps. The most miserable people are those who don't know themselves and only follow everyone else hoping to find something that works.

All of this lofty discussion actually has a point. I am a VERY happy single woman. I take care of myself, and I like it that way. Eventually, I want something more, but now, I really like where I am and who I am. And I am so glad that a relationship does not define me. I guess my fear is that am TOO happy here and have closed the door to any serious relationship with a man because of the effort required. Why fix something that isn't broken???

Well, if for nothing else, for the sex .... oh, and so I don't have to continue to hire a husband to do the work around the house! Well, not really, but I like to keep up the hard-ass facade.