Monday, October 15, 2007
I'm back on match and have been on dates with 2 guys so far. One was reminiscent of the Stage 5 Clinger, but WORSE. I had to break up with him TWICE after only 3 dates. I mean, really?? I'm hot and all that, but have some pride. Now he has emailed me because he wants to return my earrings I left weeks ago. Not wanting to make him think that there was still any chance, I had considered them a casualty of war. But he can't let go. So I agree to meet him for a drink and to watch Monday Night Football - at a bar. He of course offered to meet at my place or his, to pick me up or to give me a massage (no, I'm really not kidding), but I thought a public place with other legitimate distractions would be best. I can appease him, get my earrings, have a couple of free beers and watch football. Seems like a win-win to me.
The other guy just doesn't seem that smart. The conversation is always rather superficial and generic. He is really nice, not even "too nice", but I'm just not feeling it. I went out with him a few times and chatted with him on the phone, trying to figure out the problem. I still don't know what the problem is, but I don't think I should waste any more of his time. Time to say goodbye. Hopefully he will be easier to break away from than the first one!
Then there is a guy from about an hour away that I met online 2 years ago that is trying to finally meet me. He says his second job is as a professional poker player which really turns me off completely. Not to mention he keeps asking me to come up there after I have told him numerous times that he has to come here to meet me first. He is the one asking, so he has to do the driving. He annoys me online, so I can't imagine I would like him in person, but I guess I'll give it a try if he ever makes it down to see me. I'm not holding my breath.
Sunday, September 02, 2007
The manner he went about approaching the subject not so mature and wise:
He had asked me to go with him across country to visit his family several months ago. I hesitantly agree. I am not ready to meet his family, but am excited he wants me to. I decided I had to get past my anxiety and just do it. (Lesson learned: gut instincts right about 99% of the time.)
A day before he flies out (I'm supposed to fly out 3 days later), he comes down to "brief me on Idaho." We hang out like usual for about 3 hours, discussing arrangements, different family members, what we be doing, what I should pack, etc. I walk out of the room to get ready for bed. Come back into the living room, and he says: "We have a problem." Tells me I am the best girlfriend, but it just isn't working and that he's really sorry, but has to go. He walks out the door and flies across the country the next day, leaving me completely blindsided and confused. And embarrassed: I have to go back to work after requesting (i.e., fighting for) the week off; cancel my plans for kitty sitting; explain to all my friends when I didn't know what to say; etc. That is ANYTHING but the mature way to handle a breakup.
I understand that it was difficult for him, but seriously, GROW SOME BALLS! Tell me a month and a half ago when you started having doubts so I would at least have a little warning. Don't act like everything is great and still make me plan for a trip you knew I wasn't going on and that was the source of extreme anxiety and stress for me. That isn't just rude, it's cruel. I thought dating an older man would avoid most of the stupid young guy communication problems and games, but boy, I have never been more wrong. Apparently, older, never-been-married guys have commitment issues and don't know how to bow out gracefully.
So, I'm back to the dating scene again. That will most likely mean there will be much more frequent posts here. So, I'm glad to be back, and please comment away! Send me your stories, and let's have some fun!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
This is great for the first few dates so you can “hook” them, but what happens after that? Do you let your guard down, only to find out that the chase was all they wanted? Or do you keep up the act – and if so, for how long? A long-term, healthy relationship is not about games or challenges, but about love and compassion. By playing the game to hook the next person, are we really dooming that relationship to end when the challenge ends? But if we don’t play the slightly-unattainable game, will we ever get a man interested enough to connect emotionally?
I keep debating this in my head and with friends as I reflect on my latest ended relationship. Everyone has an opinion, but no one seems to have an answer. “Be yourself” is my favorite cliché – are we really ever ourselves around people we don’t know that well? Honestly, I don’t feel like that I am not being myself when I am aloof or not completely open. I think most of my friends would agree. It takes time to attain that comfort level and let our guard down. Obviously, the amount of time varies with everyone, but when does being myself become playing the unattainable game? As an admittedly emotionally guarded person, when do I know when its time to finally allow someone below the surface?
After much recent self-reflection, I am thinking I have never had someone really fall in love with me because of this emotional wall I rarely let anyone behind. But as soon as I feel like I’m ready to let someone take a peek, the initial spark has fizzled, and they have already checked-out. Too little, too late. I reach out at this point and get nothing back, resulting, of course, in me being even more gun-shy the next time around.
All my exes refer to me as the “perfect girlfriend” who they really wanted to fall in love with. Probably because I don’t do those annoying things women do that men always complain about. But that is probably the same reason I can’t connect with someone on a deeper level. Yes, I actually expect you to tell me when something is wrong, not expect me to ask. I’m not the type to ask “What’s wrong?” every time my boyfriend asks a little odd. Who wants to be THAT girl who nags all the time and seems insecure in herself and the relationship? But as much as men complain about that simple question, maybe by not asking it I appear disinterested. I think men hate that question because they have to actually answer it and open up emotionally. I can empathize, which is probably why I never ask. But, considering the last two times I actually asked, I unexpectedly got dumped, maybe I should ask a little earlier!
Lesson here – as much as men complain about the way women are, they expect it and don’t know how to behave when it doesn’t happen. Of course, if I follow this new rule, I just put “Be yourself” six feet under!
Friday, June 01, 2007
It has been a while since my last blog. Not because I haven’t wanted to blog, but more because I am typically so TIRED of sitting in front of a computer, I really can’t imagine using this as the release it used to be. I’m not sure what changed. Venting to a non-accusing forum of an anonymous blog used to be the ultimate form of release. I could say anything and not feel an ounce of guilt and feel so completely relieved.
My life has changed and it really has little to do with my new dating life, although most would assume differently since I haven’t blogged since I started dating my wonderful beau. It has much more to do with my change of priorities. I have decided that doing NOTHING is completely underrated and is actually a GOOD thing. Most people say they wish to have nothing to do, but that is such a lie. Those people can’t survive on a lack of something to do or a or way to make themselves appear busy. I, on the other had, have learned that having nothing to do is a beautiful affair. There really is an art to doing NOTHING. Good luck chewing on that one. No one really understands it, including me. But I hope I will soon enough!
More later ….