Sunday, February 27, 2005

Flamethrowing Superman

SG asked about some of my worst date experiences, which reminded me of how many of my dates I have yet to post on this site. I am not sure how I overlooked the Flamethrowing Superman! I would call him Flaming, but he was definitely not gay. A bit too much of a meat head and almost zero in the clue zone. Hey, look at that, I managed to use two words beginning with a "z" in one sentence! Oh, sorry, back to the story ...

Superman was a friend's boyfriend's friend. You know how those are. You go out with your girlfriend, run into her boyfriend and his friend and you are stuck with this guy for the night. And then he called for a real date. I couldn't go then because I was in the midst of finals, so we pushed it off a couple of weeks. Then came Christmas. This guy actually called me on Christmas Day to wish me a Merry Christmas!!! I should have realized immediately that he was going to be excessively clingy and completely not my type.

As usual, I didn't take the hint and we made a date for the next week. He suggested we go walk around the National Christmas Tree and all the decorations, which I thought was a bit ho-hum, but okay for a first date. Things went downhill from there. He was planning to metro and would meet me on the platform at my stop. He was late. I, of course, wear my typical first date casual, but nice outfit of jeans, nice heeled boots and a cute top. He has on a pull-over fleece, baggy jeans, and tennis shoes. Hmph. Looking at my boots he determines that his idea to walk from the trees to the Capitol won't go over well, which is true, but what exactly is there to see at the Capitol at night anyway?!?!? It isn't like I haven't lived here for the past 7 and a half years or anything. Soooo, we go walk around the state trees, stop by the bon fire and are done in about 30 mins. So, naturally, as we are walking away, I ask where we are headed next. He admits he has no plans for anything else and also has ZERO money. Not just that he needs to hit an ATM, no money at all until he gets paid at midnight that night. Um, why exactly did you ask me out for that night instead of tomorrow night when you would have at least a dollar to your name?!!? Trying to save face and be nice (there's a theme here that I need to put a hold on, huh?), not to mention it is too damn early to do anything else with my friends, I offer to buy him a drink at the Old Ebbit Grill.

Who is at the bar on a date in front of us when we walk in? None other than the Napkin Guy himself! Ha! I was so tempted to say something, but did the typical look away and ignore move instead. Luckily, we found seats far away. I hand Superman my card, ask for a Grey Goose Cosmo (I may as well get a good drink, I AM paying after all) and tell him to order whatever he wants. He gets a Miller Lite. Not that I am a beer snob or anything, but I really hope his reasoning behind his order was that he didn't want me to pay for more than that. I'm guessing it wasn't. As he sits down, he pulls off the fleece and uncovers the t-shirt he has chosen to wear: a black Superman logo tee with flames shooting out from behind the "S"! Ah, what a gem, I think to myself. He says he felt guilted into wearing it because he had gotten it for Christmas. I ask the next logical question: "Did I give it to you for Christmas?"

After two drinks, he has already mentioned that he has to go catch up with his buddies in Clarendon (and checked his voicemail for the details), so I decide it is time to go. He sees me to my metro stop and then proceeds to meet his beer-guzzling, iron-pumping, Superman t-shirt appreciating friends. Then it hits me: this guy has no cash, but plans to go out drinking with his friends for the rest of the night?? I find out later from my friend that Superman and his friends have the bartender hook-up somewhere in Clarendon. If only I were 22 again, he may seem like an almost dream guy: no balls, no brains (which is the only reason he could wear the t-shirt without having balls), no clue and free drinks whenever I wanted. Suuuhhhweeeeet! I would have walked all over him for weeks using his free beer hook-up until I just couldn't justify the annoying fly any longer.

And to top it all off, he called at 10:30 the next morning to tell me he had a good time ... I didn't answer and never heard from him again. Whew!


  1. Flamethrowing Superman is by far my favorite. Anyone that shows up on the first date with a Superman t-shirt and no cash is a total rock star!

  2. But if you ever go out with a guy in a "Tick" T-shirt, marry him.

    Cuz that guy is probably cool.