the talk

i was all geared up to end it with the redhead tonight. then he called and brought up the recent awkwardness himself. completely caught me off-guard. that's not playing fair at all. did i go through with it? of course not. i don't like talking about these things over the phone, so i didn't say much of anything. besides, i wanted to hear what he had to say about "us". he thinks things are often good, but sometimes extremely awkward. i've been feeling more of the latter myself.

he did bring up the fact that my profile is updated on match. the thought of us being an actual couple made me think. did i want that with this guy? my answer is no. we don't really click, and it isn't all that natural when i'm with him. it feels forced. when i felt him trying to get closer, i pushed back. i activated my online profile again. i broke dates with him or made other plans before he could ask. i don't think i have a fear of commitment, just a fear of commitment with him.

we will both be out of town this weekend, so we agreed to discuss the issue later. i will go in with an open mind and see what happens ...