Pagan Rituals on Easter

I’m going to get a beer, do you want anything?

That was my approach to determining if my drinking would concern my date in the least. It didn’t seem to, he got a Red Bull and didn’t hesitate to smooch me later. I still haven’t gotten the nerve to ask him about it. He has mentioned drinking when he was younger, so maybe it is just a healthy lifestyle decision, but something tells me there is more to it than that.

He doesn’t have a wonderful bubbly personality or anything. It isn’t bad or even dull, just nothing particularly engaging. Maybe he’s an introvert like me. We’d probably have great conversations drunk. And he isn’t hot by any means – although he is much better physical shape than myself who is 11 years his junior. So what is it? Is it the draw towards feeling as if I am wanted? Maybe. Or possibly the mystery that surrounds him – I pegged him for an older, safe government contracts attorney that would completely bore me in approximately 2 dates like the Neighbor. But instead he takes me to the Blackcat to see an alternative NY band that we’ve never heard of – and we are disappointed when they only play a 45 minute show. He isn’t touchy when we are out, but once behind closed doors, a completely different personality appears. He obviously knows how to have a good time and isn’t hindered by what others may consider faux pas. Now I even question how safe he is – not as in “in danger” – but as in “a sure thing.” Maybe this persistence thing is his come-on act for all women. Seems like a lot of work, but maybe some are a bit easier than I am.

His group of friends is almost exclusively made up of women. Or at least it seems so by his conversations. He just doesn’t dress well enough to be gay, so that isn’t of concern. Is he the guy that all women love but think of as only a friend that they could never date? What does this mean for me? Not sure. Luckily, I’m not the jealous type, although I have checked a couple of times to see if his match profile is still active (it is). I think it would actually scare me more if it weren’t. I’m not ready for a full commitment from this guy yet, I haven’t even determined if I like him or not ...

Chaste

It has been well over a year since I've made it to date 4 with anybody, but apparently I'm heading that direction this weekend with the RH. He waited the mandatory 2 days to contact me, and we've been emailing back and forth for the past couple of days. A rather foreign concept these days. Most men are scared to contact you more than say, once a week, unless they are firming up plans for a date. I guess this guy's been around the dating block a few times because he seems to have struck a good balance and have a feel for when the time is appropriate to reach out or hold back.

But what is balanced about taking four months to get to date 4??? you understandably ask. Maybe I've been a little vague before now, but it was actually me who turned him down many, many times. It has been 4 months since the first date, but it was months before that when he first contacted me on match. In fact, the first email exchange I can locate (which is definitely not the initial one) is dated July 04! He is undeniably persistent, yet not in a scary stalkish type way. I think he digs me. But then again, who wouldn't? Ha! If that were only true ...

Not sure what we are doing yet, but I'm somewhat certain we'll end up at his place since he has mentioned his fireplace and cleaning his townhouse several times. The opportunity for a grand, romantic make-out session and wouldn't you know it -- miss flow comes in town for a visit! damn my luck. At least that will keep everything within certain boundaries. No guess work involved. Maybe he'll think I'm chaste. I had to say that b/c that word makes me laugh -- not necessarily b/c of its meaning. Just one of those words that makes me giggle. I'm sure it is prompted by some immature notion I have stemming from adolescence that is connected to its meaning, but hey, who said i was mature?

Predictability

The phone rings.
What are you wearing?
You aren’t serious, are you?

He was serious. This was an extension to a rather unexpected ending to a entertaining, but not all that exciting date. It started innocent and uneventful enough. Dinner and a movie. Macaroni Grill of all places. Not bad I guess, but not really all that great either. Maybe we need to school him. Look at him. He can’t dress. Of course we need to school him. Not to mention we need to work on that whole not drinking thing. But he did mention going out to places around the area, so I have to assume he isn’t against drinking per se, just not in to doing it himself. He ordered flavored iced tea. I had water. Next time I will have wine. I’ll need it to prepare me for what he may pull out of that hat of his.

Be Cool was surprising entertaining. A somewhat fitting analogy for the entire date. I had very low expectations, and they were exceeded. Considering my last few dates (other than the SG) have only lowered the bar, I must say this was a pleasant surprise. Not that anything amazingly fantastic happened (other than the make out session in the car and the phone call afterwards), but it was nice that nothing horrible happened. Is this what my standards have come to after all this time? Just being satisfied with the not so horrible?

Miss V’s fiancée will hate him. That’s what kept going through my head the entire night. Not sure why, other than the fact that he seemed to be straight-laced and not much of a party guy. But then again, he keeps surprising me: the suggestion to come up to my place (thank god my place was dirty, and I opted against that glass of wine!), the surprising kiss at the end that turned into a rather intensive make-out session in the car (are we 16?), and of course the phone call. Two days ago, I considered him safe, but basic and boring. Now I’m not so sure I know him at all …

Three

Three. There is something about the number that I haven’t been able to pinpoint. Particularly in dating. I do know that if I don’t like a guy, he will never see date 3 with me. I have found that if I am getting dumped, I won’t see date 3 with him either (nor will he call to let me know when I think things are going fine, but that is a completely different subject altogether). What I don’t know is what date 3 actually means to most people, particularly men. For some, it seems to be the appropriate time for a first kiss, for others, they think it is perfectly acceptable to ask you to spend the night, and still others, ask you to be their girlfriend. But, no way around it, date 3 means something. So much so, I dread the third date. No, I dread the time period preceding the third date until after the forth. It is full of insecurity and self-doubting. Two traits I wish I could delete from my character.

Will he call?
What if he doesn't call?
Why hasn't he called? Play by play with friends over the last date to determine what possibly went wrong.
It isn't you, its him. You intimidate him. Sure ... like this 5'2 petite frame intimidates a hamster.

The time period surrounding #3 is delicate. Fragile.

Why am I disclosing my third date theory to all of you at this moment? Clearly, because I am currently in that time period with not one, but 2 men. I do have 1 third date scheduled for this week. To my utter dismay and complete discontent, the time period between date 2 and 3 has been approximately 6 weeks. Does this mean that if there is a date 4 that I will be in limbo for approximately 3 months total with this guy?!?!? I’m not sure I can tolerate that. Nor am I sure I can tolerate his intolerance for alcohol. I mean, what attorney in their right mind doesn’t drink? Obviously, he is in the wrong state of mind. I guess we will see how that plays out when I order a glass of red wine at dinner. The last guy I dated who didn’t drink brought me white zin when I ordered a glass of zinfandel. The HORROR!

I should have ended it then. It should have been a sign. No, it was a sign that I opted to ignore. I will never make that mistake again. Or am I doing it again by going out with this guy?

As for the second guy, well, not sure about him. He’s giving me all the “I’m just not that in to you” signals right now. Which can also be interpreted as the “I’m just too cool to act like I’m in to you” signals as well, but I'm more of a realist. I've been here too many times to think positively. Either way, they are making me think twice about accepting a date 3 offer, if there is one. I will. I always do – just to see if I was right? Just to force them to dump me, or do something that I consider a deal breaker? Or maybe, just maybe, I’m hoping he will prove me wrong. Highly unlikely. I hate to be wrong.

But I am … often.

But never about date 3. So far, anyway.

Starbies, the Gay Friend & Curb Potential

I know I've been a little slack in posting this week. Coming off of Spring Break was a bit harder than I thought ... I'm back on the Starbucks train, which I had managed to deboard for almost a week. Being on the train is much more pleasant for all those involved, though, so I'll take one for the team. Just don't tell my dad! As for the update in my dating life, there isn't much because I was out of town for the weekend. I went home to help Miss V choose bridesmaid dresses. They say weddings are a good place to meet dates, but this will be the fourth one in a year or so, and I haven't met any potential dates. Maybe you need to bring a date in order to meet another one ... I need to find that "stand-by" guy that will attend all the occasions where I need a date. You know, the gay or completely a-sexual (to me anyway) friend that you completely adore. Whatever happened to him?

I digress ... Now for the update:
Friday, as I am shutting down my computer to leave work and head to my hometown for the weekend, I get a call from the Redhead. He's in town this weekend and wants to get together. Nice notice. When I return from the weekend, I see that the SG sent an email about an hour after I left on Friday.

What is the deal?????

Don't these men realize that they should contact me at least 2 days in advance of a potential date? Believe me, I don't subscribe to the dating rules book or anything, but I actually do have a life, a pretty great one if you ask me, and I am not putting my plans on hold, waiting for a boy to call. I guess it is better than the CJG who would IM me approximately 10 minutes before he wanted to see me. Or better yet, call when he was "in the neighborhood." Ha! Needless to say, I was just not spontaneous enough for him. Well, sorry kids, but if you manage to squeeze your little scrawny ass into my plentiful social life, you probably belong there. If not, let me introduce you to my good friend, The Curb.

Barbie short bus on the highway to hell

Technically this post is not about the dc dating scene, but last night definitely deserves to be memorialized. And hell, we were at one of the newest, hippest dating spots in Arlington. That counts for something, right? Sure it does. What started out as a suggestion to a few friends to get together for happy hour ended up as a large night of complete drunken debauchery. At almost thirty, you think we'd be past this by now, but oh no ...

So we start out with red wine and apps.

By the end of the night, we have a $250 tab, and the waiter we'd been torturing all night finally refused to serve us another bottle of wine.

But that is not all ...

I hear that I touched tongues with Miss V's fiancee. Who tells me? Miss V, who isn't the least bit mad, just disturbed (I'm glad I don't remember it!). Yes, she was there, and if she had thought of it first, would have been the instigator. Apparently this was a ploy to turn on the only other guy in the group for me. I'm sure it made sense at the time ... maybe.

Also ermmagirl comes to the realization that she is immensely pissed at her husband, Chad, who isn't even part of the party last night. No, while listening to her favorite indie band on the way home, she decides that Chad has stunted her growth ...

musically

And boy, is she pissed about it. When he comes home, he finds a drunk bitchy ermmagirl who refuses to talk to him for absolutely no reason. She's so mad, she won't even tell him why she's mad. Needless to say, they laughed about it the next morning.

We all wake up the next morning with amazing hangovers, but somehow all make it to work. Of course, we are IMing about last night instead of working, but hey, we are there!

Okay kids, I'm not feeling all that inspired right now, so comment away!!!

Randomness

Where the hell is spring already?!?!? Today was just an evil tease to remind me that it is still winter, I'm still in school, and although Spring Break, I still have to work all week. I've been in a do nothing funk for a couple of weeks now. Not bad enough to keep me at home mind you (read the last few entries), but I have zero motivation to do much of anything else. Instead I search for ex-boyfriends' wedding websites (found them! that does wonders for your ego) and eat too many Healthy Choice mini chocolate chip cookies. At least I do all this while sitting on my new couch! It is beautiful, although broken ... it will be replaced.

What spawned me to look for yet another ex-datee's wedding website was nothing other than an IM from his fiancee! Talk about odd. I went out with this guy (Tom Cruise look alike) ONCE, and we've spoken on IM a couple of times a month since. I mean, honestly, what the hell? After several iterations back and forth of trying to reassure this loon that she was really worried about nothing (why do I bother?), she finally either bought it or gave up. Although TC referred to her as his girlfriend that he was trying to get back together with, their wedding website does in fact say they have been dating since about the time I met him, and they are getting married next month! Not that I care in the least either way.

Where do I find these men? Oh yeah, match.com. Remember kids, quantity, not quality is what you get at those sites. It is entertaining, but exactly like a bar -- good for entertainment, but not where I plan to meet the man I marry. Of course, considering I drink more than most fish, there is no doubt I'll at least be drunk when I meet him! Speaking of, where did I set that glass of wine ... ?

Let's just be friends

I finally had to break down and call the Vegetarian tonight. He is such a nice guy, I just haven’t been able to face the fact that I had to tell him I was interested in more than friendship. I really wish I had gotten to know him otherwise and not because he was interested in dating me. I wanted to see him again, but didn’t want him to have the impression that I was interested in dating him, which is not really fair to him. We’ve only been on one date, but I got the impression that he may have been contemplating asking me out for quite a while. My leaving the job was just a perfect opportunity for him to take a chance and not have to face me if I said no. He took it very well, but then instead of ending the conversation when I should have, I kept blabbing away digging my hole just that much deeper. To say the least, the conversation was rather awkward at the end, and we both were ready to get off the phone. Although I’m determined not to be one of those people who just never call back, this one was by far the hardest. I know I would appreciate the honesty, but some people would probably prefer not knowing and lying to themselves. I hope he can understand and we can at least act normal if/when we ever seen each other again.

The Bartender

I went to dinner with a couple of friends last night and, after a lively conversation about their recent breakups and how we needed to get out more, we decided to head over to the dance club Home. Luckily, we happen to know a bartender there, so we skip the line and get discounted cover charges. Okay, let’s be honest here, I am the one who knows and in fact dated the bartender. Although a great guy (he does have a very good day job, but bartends on weekend nights for extra cash), we went on a few dates and things went progressively downhill. I wouldn’t hear from him for a couple of weeks and then get a drunk phone call at 3am asking if he could come over or that he loved me or whatever was on his drunken mind at the time. If I didn’t answer, he would just keep calling over and over again, leaving a message every third or fourth call (this is not an exaggeration)! But, all in all, he is a good time, and I enjoy flirting with him. And, hell, the free booze and priority service doesn’t hurt either!

I never quite know how he will react when he sees me after several months of no contact, but he is always the same, genuine, sweet guy. He gets me a drink, asks what’s new, if I’m married yet, asks if I miss his drunk dials, and then says he’ll call me soon to hang out. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn’t. I don’t remember the last time we hung out when he wasn’t on the back side of the bar, though … I’m guessing almost 2 years.

The night was great fun until my purse went missing. This would not have been a huge deal, except for the fact that my cell phone, my ONLY phone, was lost with it. Hard to cancel your credit cards without a phone! Luckily the one friend that hadn’t disappeared paid for our cab ride back to my place and she let me use her phone to call the credit card companies. As I was dialing the first one, though, we get a call from the other girl we were with earlier. She has my purse and my friend’s coat! She said she couldn’t find us and thought we had left, so she grabbed our stuff for us. DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA!! Maybe the Bartender was a bit too nice too all of us with those shots! It all worked out in the end my precious cell phone is back at my side. Whew! Close one.

Inevitable

I knew it would happen eventually. I was SMASHED last night, couldn't
find the keys to my place and ran into my neighbor (and yes, he was
walking the dog who was wearing its little coat). I don't really
remember what I said to him, but I think he was trying to be helpful.
Which is more than I can say the last time I ran into him while lugging
my huge new shelf into the elevator by myself. I guess that was before
the new girlfriend, and he was probably still very bitter with me. Ugh!
I need to stay away from bars where when I walk in the bartender finds
seats for me and keeps my wine glass full ....

With my head pounding and a mcdonalds egg & cheese biscuit in hand, I wrote the required apology email. Tune in next time for the next episode of drunk in the city!

Patience is a Virtue ...

A virtue I don't have. I am having a good boy week so far: several emails from both boys (Redhead and SG) basically chatting me up about nothing. Neither asking me out for the weekend, just checkin' in. That is definitely a good sign, right? So "they" say. Then why don't I feel very excited about it? Maybe because I am much more worried about getting a decent smooch out of all of this than I am witty email conversation. In today's world of online dating, coffee dates, and speed dating, the whole notion of conventional courtships seems archaic and slow moving. I am soooo impatient! Of course, if he dared contact me every day and expected to see me every weekend, his ass would be thrown to the curb faster than a NY minute! I just want to get passed all the song and dance and of the dating ritual.

I would definitely fail that test where they put the kid in the room with a twinkie and tell her if she doesn't devour it as soon as she is alone in the room, she'll get two in the future. Nope, I'd eat the twinkie and then be left with the zits, fat feeling and no extra twinkie. In the long run, I guess that's okay because 2 twinkies would just lead to more zits and more time on the treadmill. How does all this relate to my 2 dates? I have no idea ... as usual, I lost my train of thought and boarded a completely different one going in the exact opposite direction. But maybe you can tell me where I was going.

Hey, this is my blog, and I'll write whatever I want dammit!

Bitter El Cheapo

No matter your opinion on whether or not the guy has to pay for the first date, there are certain ways to go about suggesting splitting the check without being overly offensive to either party involved. Bitter El Cheapo was apparently single for a reason. Now, granted, I was 30 minutes late for the date because of traffic, but I had no way to contact him to tell him I was late. I planned to apologize profusely as soon as I got there, but he gave me no such opportunity. After I spotted him and walked over, his first comment:

"Oh, was I wrong? Was the date at 6:30 instead of 6?" with a smart-ass smirk across his face.

Me (completely ticked off by the implication and now with equally smart-ass look on my face and as nonchalantly as possible): "Nope. You were right. I was stuck in traffic and didn't have your number with me. " And I sat down.

El Cheapo graciously rambled off the happy hour specials for me, and I proceeded to order a glass of red wine not included in his list. I'm not sure whether he was stating these for his benefit (doubtful, see end of the story), for mine (doubtful again, he never got over the fact I was late - hence his first name), or for the lack of conversation. Needless to say, the conversation was a bit strained the rest of the time. After about 30 mins, I had had enough and said I needed to go meet some friends for dinner. He promptly got the tab from the bartender. As the bartender turned around, El Cheapo looked over at me and, acting surprised, said: "Oh, do you need to get your tab, too?" The NERVE! Luckily, the bartender had already put us on the same tab. I looked over, saw that my wine was $9, and I quickly handed El Cheapo $12.

El Cheapo: "No, that's okay, you only owe 11." and he hands me back a dollar.

Me: walk out the door and never look back ...