the talk

i was all geared up to end it with the redhead tonight. then he called and brought up the recent awkwardness himself. completely caught me off-guard. that's not playing fair at all. did i go through with it? of course not. i don't like talking about these things over the phone, so i didn't say much of anything. besides, i wanted to hear what he had to say about "us". he thinks things are often good, but sometimes extremely awkward. i've been feeling more of the latter myself.

he did bring up the fact that my profile is updated on match. the thought of us being an actual couple made me think. did i want that with this guy? my answer is no. we don't really click, and it isn't all that natural when i'm with him. it feels forced. when i felt him trying to get closer, i pushed back. i activated my online profile again. i broke dates with him or made other plans before he could ask. i don't think i have a fear of commitment, just a fear of commitment with him.

we will both be out of town this weekend, so we agreed to discuss the issue later. i will go in with an open mind and see what happens ...

memorial day

Memorial Day weekend. Seemingly appropriate that I do a little memorial of my so-called dating life. It has been admittedly slow, but I do blame only myself for that since I have been pretty much avoiding it. For example, I am heading off for a girls’ weekend today, but thought I would check in and update since I have been so slack recently.

The redhead is still dangling by a thread, but I am thinking that is over. He is trying to be sweet, and it is annoying me. A sure sign that I am just not into him. Considering his age, I feel as though it is only right that I let him know and move on to find someone else. He is probably getting to a point in his life when he’d like to settle down. Not that we have discussed it, but I’m willing to make the assumption. Otherwise, I really don’t mind hanging out with him, and he isn’t inhibiting my social or dating life in any manner, so it wouldn’t be of concern.

The Party Boy still makes an appearance (by phone) every so often. I haven’t seen him since our first adventure, but we keep talking about making future plans. I am definitely not into him, but he is all about having fun and pays for everything, so what the hell?

A new boy entered the picture a couple of weeks ago. He is a friend of dragonfly’s and seems to be very nice. Almost too nice, but I haven’t gotten a chance to get to know him yet. He’s been traveling, and I have had prior plans on any of his free days. I guess we’ll work it out eventually. I haven’t come up with a proper behavior-appropriate name for him yet, but let’s call him Rugby Boy until I know more …

The SG has not been in touch in months. Too bad, he was pretty cool for a while. That being said, I didn’t really feel a real spark with him either, so it is probably for the best. If he did decide to contact me again, there would definitely be no hard feelings. I easily could have contacted him, but didn’t bother either. Again, probably pretty telling.

Hearsay

Hmmmmm … what is the value of gossip? Is it merely to make us feel like we are the one in the know or is it to make ourselves feel better about ourselves because we are not doing whatever the person we are talking about is rumored to be doing? Hard to tell. It is probably a different motivating factor depending on the gossiper and the gossipee.

My only thought after an entire semester of the laws of evidence is that there is a distinct reason why hearsay is not allowed as a form of evidence in most cases: it is unreliable. There are too many variables affecting the truthfulness of the statement. Seems logical, but yet we all typically cave for any gossip a person can provide us. We are all more than willing to believe just about anything we are told even if we know that it is purely based on a speculation or completely innocent event or conversation.

I feel as though I may have gone on this tangent before here, but I cannot find evidence of it. If it is a repeat, I apologize. What leads me to this conversation is that the Party Boy has quite a reputation with his group of friends. He is known to know how to have a good time (take as many inferences as you can – I mean all of them). He may or may not be able to legally justify his income and expenditures. I didn’t really hang out with him enough to confirm anything, but I was well-warned. I decided to just go with the flow, but do so with my eyes and ears wide open. Nothing implicating anything extremely strange or even slightly illegal was ever mentioned while I was out with him. Maybe he was just being careful considering my education area or maybe the rumors are merely just that and nothing more.

I admit though, typically rumors and stereotypes result from some legitimate fact, whether it be misconstrued or exaggerated. These stories come from his frat brothers … maybe he was young and dumb, and he has changed his ways. Or maybe I should stay away. Doesn’t really matter in this case because I’m not interested … thank God I don’t have to find out!

public appearances

What exactly does it mean when the person you have been seeing makes a public appearance with your friends? Is that an automatic sign of intent to be more or merely a test to see if that person could be more? I ask only because the redhead made a very voluntary, unsolicited public appearance a couple of weeks ago. I was out with the usual crew having the usual “one drink” that had turned into an all night affair. He called and decided he was going to pick me up there and then we would hang out. As I’ve mentioned before, he is not a drinker, so it was a bit odd for him to try to mix with my very tipsy crowd. He held his own, but I resorted to literally hanging on my pseudo boyfriend Chris (Miss V’s fiancée), instead of hanging with the guy that was there to see me.

Do I have a fear of commitment? I think not. I think I only am not thinking of this guy as more than a fuck. Excuse my bluntness, but I’m trying to be honest here. He’s a nice guy, but there are no sparks going off with him. I enjoy hanging out with him, but he is not a long-term type of thing that deserves my friends’ attention. I don’t really mind the fact that they met him, especially considering the fact that they may be beginning to think my entire dating life is a sham because they never meet any of these guys; but it just doesn’t seem worth all the effort to try to mesh those two worlds until I know it is right. Or at least somewhat more worthy.

I often long for the guy that requests to hang out with my friends because he realizes how important they are to me, but at the same time, I am cautious of who I am willing to expose to that part of my life. My friends are the most important thing in my life and also the gatekeepers of my most intimate secrets. To expose an outsider to this relationship is of the most utmost seriousness to me. I know I definitely put way too much importance on this innocent maneuver, but for whatever reason, it really means a lot to me.

Maybe I should take a hint: this is most likely NOT the right guy!!!!

taco tupee

okay, so i've received many complaints about my recent hiatus from the blog. to be honest, it isn't by choice. i love to blog and tell you all what is going on in my dating life. i have just been crazy busy. who would have thought that i would be more busy after finals??? i have the best social life and the best friends EVER, i cannot deny that fact. as much as i love my laptop, the temptation to go hang out with friends and have drinks on a nice day outside wins ever time. at least i am not THAT much of a cybergeek...

but, let's catch up:

the girls and i were discussing the possible benefits of a brazilian bikini wax (and the permanent laser option as well) and we came to the discussion of what if you decided to permanently remove too much hair?!?! the obvious trend recently is to go completely BARE, but what happens when that trend changes and you've chosen the laser route??? Is there a possible market for taco toupees? Will that be socially acceptable or will women have to get plugs and hope for the best? If so, will they stay in place during THE activity???? How exactly would you keep them in place?? Or is it a done deal and men will just have to deal with what they thought was sexy during this time for the rest of their lives? Maybe this serves them right, but who actually is the victim in this situation? No doubt, the man will be the one to invent and market the taco toupee. And no doubt they will profit from it beyond all sense of reasonableness. I mean, look at the high heel. Whoever thought that would be as popular as it is??? They hurt, they are uncomfortable, they cause long term back problems, but yet, men love the look and therefore women wear them and long for the best version they can create. I admit that I prefer them over flats any day.

Sexual brainwashing.

so many questions. As for the pubic hair question, I think I'll choose to stick to a temporary solution to the trend and only do a permanent option for the always unwanted area (i.e., bikini). isn't exciting to be a female??? so many things to debate....

binge and purge

well, folks, since we last saw our fearless leader, she was finishing up finals, heading to gold cup, then off to cancun mexico with the law-school harem. although there have been many adventures demanding blog attention, our heiress has been a bit under the weather the last few days with a rather severe case of, um, lets call it food poisoning. none of us know the true nature of this wretched creature that encompassed the bowels of ms independent, but it did not treat her with kindness and has made her life rather uncomfortable.

fear not, kids! she is gradually on the upswing and will most definitely bounce back in just a short time. she will be sipping on margaritas, cosmopolitans, stellas and rum drinks again in no time flat. not only does this give her much more ample opportunity to find some fine young men to blog about, but it also provides much entertainment for everyone participating in the festivities. belly up to the bar my friends while we wait for MsIndy to recuperate fully (a few toasts in her honor could never hurt either) ... we have quite a few stories to tell to bring us up to date!

who am i??

i was soooo wrong about myself.
i really am evil.
possibly bezlebub himself.

i give into temptation, and the buffet is full of it as we well know. saturday it was a text message from Party Boy (the one from the wedding reception). The name is appropriate, but I'll leave that for another post. He suggests a low-key dinner study-break, and I go for it.

SUCKER!

Soon after that, I receive a surprise call from the Redhead who wants to bring me Starbucks while I'm studying. (Everyone together now: "Awwwwwww"). Who could resist that? Not ms willpower herself. Unfortunately, he wasn't on his way, and was coming by my place in an hour and a half or so ... approximately an hour before Party Boy picks me up. Hmmmmm. Uh oh. So I think quickly, tell PB that I'll need an extra half hour and tell the RH that I made dinner plans with Ms Dragonfly. He still brings me my caramel macchiatto, and we play around until I realize that it is after 7 ... PB will be here in less than 30 mins!! I basically push RH out the door, touch up my make-up, brush my hair and squirt on some perfume. Voila!

Then the guilt sets in ... HARD. Not because I'm technically doing anything wrong, but because I had to lie to do it. I guess I could have told RH that I had a date since we haven't made any commitments to each other, but that just seems like I'm rubbing it in his face. Besides, guilt isn't anything a couple of grey goose and cranberries won't take care of ...

Turns out, PB takes me to a very nice dinner at Ortanique with a group of his friends. Then on to dessert, which consisted of several chocolate martinis for all of us. Way too many martinis later, I'm back at his place, and his roommate is offering me scrubs to sleep in. How do I get myself into these situations?? Oh yeah, my best friend Al Cohol puts me there. Party Boy tries to molest me, but other than the fact that he really can kiss well (yum), there isn't much tempting me to let him (he's lacking SUBSTANCE ... he is purely for entertainment purposes only). so I push him off all night until he finally gives up. Whew!

trash

Why is it that people feel as though it is always someone’s job to pick up after them? What tells a person that it is okay to leave their starbucks cup on the table after they leave even though the trashcan is on their way out the door? Clearly this wouldn’t apply in places where people are paid to serve you, but we all know the difference, don’t we? I’m sure I have been guilty on more than one occasion of doing something stupid in this genre or making assumptions that were obvious to others. But in starbucks??? It isn’t like this is the first time you’ve been here. We all know how it works. They are kind enough to let people sit around for hours doing nothing and how do we repay them (ok, besides for the $5 latte)? We let them clean up after us, too. I can bet most of those workers are barely making enough to buy a latte with their hourly wage after taxes.

This is the same for people who feel like throwing trash and cigarette butts out the window is appropriate or not reprehensible. Or the women in bathrooms who get water all over the counter, throw paper towels everywhere or trash the toilets. Where did you grow up? What makes you so god-damned special that you think others should clean up the messes you make?? I wish I had your mother. Mine sure as hell didn’t clean up after me, and I am glad for that now. I know how to wash my own clothes, my own condo and my own dishes. I find myself so disgusted by these people who don’t. It is rude, presumptuous and completely unacceptable, but for some reason I see it on a daily basis.

Sometimes I hate Americans. We are so fucking spoiled, and all we can do is complain about it. Where the hell do we get off?? We have no right to complain about shit. We have everything we need to survive handed to us on a silver platter in comparison to other people in most other countries. As long as you make a reasonable amount of effort to get out of bed and keep a job, you will be fine. Not saying there aren’t the less fortunate here, too, but that’s off topic. And not to say a good rant isn't necessary (what do you think this blog is???), but don't take advantage of others in stupid, inconsiderate ways. Grow up, drink lots, and be merry.

Okay, I’ll end my rant here and get back to studying, or as choofly would say, learn how to fight The Man.