Sunday, April 23, 2006

lightning crashes

back in college i had what i call a "steady hook-up". we never dated, but never had sex, either. just an unspoken understanding that if neither of us had our eye on someone else at a party, we would go home together. even after college we had a few run-ins. not as regularly, most likely because of his on-again, off-again girlfriend. i never asked their status, nor did he often provide the information. i let myself believe that if was seeking me out, then they were off-again.

that is, until the engagement. at that point, i had to face up to the fact that it was real. other than the fact that she once smacked miss v for no good reason, i really have nothing against her. she seems like a nice girl, but i really don't know her well.

i always made an effort to stay clear of the Stand-By while in serious relationships with others. i knew better of myself than to think that i could socialize with him with a few drinks and and not refuse his advances ... or at least be very tempted not to do so. i didn't want to put myself in that position, so i avoided it. he wasn't so careful and i have to admit that we had our moments while he was engaged.

to this day Stand-By and i are good friends. we talk regularly via IM and keep up with each others' lives to a basic extent. he has been married for several years and we haven't seen each other or "had relations" since the marriage. he tells me he completely abides by his vows. as his counselor, i make sure he realizes it is now a LEGAL obligation on top of a moral one. dontcha hate lawyers?

the other day he drops a bomb on me that i had been expecting, but thought i would know much earlier: he has a newborn little boy. i think it is great, but am shocked that i know nothing of it until a couple of months after the fact ... it isn't like you dont know that is on its way. in fact, i have asked MANY times if children were in the future and he always blew me off. (to his credit, once i confronted him, he swore he thought he told me and sent me a picture and told me all about him.)

then, a few days later, we get on the topic of my morals and ethics (as a lawyer).
Stand-By: don't worry... i won't sell you out when you run for DA
Me: ha! what do you have on me?
Stand-By: you shouldn't have to ask
Me: i can't think of anything illegal or repugnant that you know about ... hmmmm ... so, i drank to excess and made out with you - as far as i know that is all legal
Stand-By: "drank to excess". w ell played. you are good, b/c that was MY argument

but a few hours later (after he's had a few drinks):
Stand-By: for the record... as bad as i was... i should feel worse than i do. guess that makes me a bad guy. but i just wanted to let you know that i'm the bad guy... anyway... something i should have said to you a while back... not that it matters... but just in case
Me: no worries. what happened in the past is over
Stand-By: good... i won't lie and say that certain folks are good at making me feel different

For once, the Stand-By has taken me COMPLETELY off-guard and I have NO idea where he is coming from. I guess he has guilt afterall ... or someone is making him feel guilty. maybe it is fatherhood.


  1. forgive me, i'm blonde. but what the hell is he talking about? i know who he is, so that might have something to do w/ his 'even a blonde doesn't get it' cryptic notes. is he trying to say that you made him feel different? is he trying to say he's in love w/ you and always has been? you know i love you and don't judge you, but i think stand-by needs to go bye-bye. it's dangerous and people get hurt. being that i was cheated on while engaged, i know the hurt. and if he's still pining over you then he needs to be a man, newborn baby or not, and go after the one he really wants as opposed to his wife IF that's what he's trying to say. cause he's not doing her any favors by staying. but then again, he's not doing you any either cause i don't know if you really want him still or not.........i mean, part of the fun could have been that he was 'not available.' if he were to become available one day, then would you still want him? or do you even now? some food for thought.........and what's up w/ your men fathering out L......sounds like they all have supersperm and it could find its way to could be a mom before you know it! ;) my vote is still for RW....... :)

  2. No, no, no! Nothing like that! I wasn't trying to imply that he was still after me, quite the opposite actually. More like he finally was feeling guilty (despite his statement to the contrary) or he wouldn't have made an effort to tell me i didn't do anything wrong and that it was his fault. I have ZERO interest in the ol' stand-by, except for a flirtation or two, but I would not cross the line with him now that he is married. No worries!