Out of the woodwork …

In the past two weeks, I have been living reruns. College Boy, Party Boy, The Bartender and Prada have all initiated contact. The first three I can handle and actually would like to see – just to catch up. I am not interested in being more than friends with any of them – not that I know if they are trying for more or not. The attention is great, but somewhat uneventful. I have enjoyed catching up with old friends now that I have a little time on my hands. Because everyone else has asked recently, there are no dark horses in the running.

I am back on the online dating scene. Hopefully someone will be interesting (and interested) enough to result in a date. I have been proceeding slowly, but am looking forward to a little new social interaction. It has been a while since I have been on a date.

Stay tuned …

Retraction

I am so NOT an asshole anymore in regards to boy #2 of my last post. Turns out that he has some seriously deep-rooted anger issues that he opts to self-medicate and occasionally take out on innocent animals. More specifically, he scared my darling niece (of the canine variety) so badly that she pissed herself at the sound of his voice. I am not sure what he did, but I do know that it was unacceptable. I now feel relieved that I never returned his call.

My niece is now shacked up with me for a few days until Ms V and her hubby's new dream home is completely renovated. All is well that ends well ...

Oops, I did it again ...

Twice in one week, I found myself in a situation that, after looking back, makes me a complete asshole. Not because of anything I did, but because of what I have no intention to do later. These two men have not been so subtle about their attraction to me in the past. Not to the point of actually asking me out, but more on an attention level when we happen to be out in groups. I have had confirmation of my suspicions on both, so I’m not just being presumptuous. And I know I am not compatible with either and don’t plan to prove that fact by starting something that will inevitably end up disastrous. Considering that both are in my very close circle of friends, I shutter to think of how ugly something like that could be.

On both occasions, I had been drinking, so I didn’t want to drive home. Sensible yes, but I saw both situations coming way before my first beer. But yet, for whatever reason, I chose not to avoid the situation. No sex, no craziness, but definitely feeding the attraction and encouraging the behavior.

One I just know better than go there. Too many flashing red lights, and things I would want to change about him before he would be “datable.” All of us smart women know that is a deal breaker. Never go into a relationship thinking you can change him. You can’t. We will remain “just friends.”

The other? I am just completely not attracted to him. Not to mention he is a stiff tongue kisser – eeeewwwwww. I thought I would never meet that guy again after high school. Apparently, they still exist into adulthood. The future looks bleak. He mentioned several times before I left that we needed to hang out and that he’d call me. And he did. I haven’t returned the call yet. But I can’t decide which is worse: to call back and keep encouraging him until we inevitably go out, and I have to tell him that it isn’t going anywhere; call him back and tell him I can’t go out with him over the phone; or ignoring him until I will inevitably see him again with our friends.

Like I said, I am a complete asshole.

Transitions

Has it really been that long since my last post?? Time seems to be flying these days. It will be over a week before I even realize I have entered the next month. Time is slipping away from me. But, considering the stress of studying for the bar exam, this is probably a very good thing.

This seems to be a period of transition. I have many friends that are in major transitions of their lives. Divorces, marriages, new homes, new loves, break-ups, engagements, babies, new jobs, new relationships, etc. Maybe that's just where I am in life. I will be "thirty-something" at the end of the month. Many people, including my mother, have told me about how great the thirties are: a lot of respect professionally, decent money,but relatively little responsibility. Considering this often comes from parents who have so much more responsibility than me, I have to think the next decade can only be fabulous. Most of the transitions are positive moves, whether or not they appear pretty on the face of it. No, they all are ... I believe that everything happens for a reason and as cliche as it is, what doesn't kill us, make us stronger. And better. People who have been handed everything on a silver platter all of their lives are shallow for a reason. Not saying that it is their fault, but I'm glad I am not one of them. No education, amount of money, or book learning can replace real life experiences.

And why exactly is Jason Priestly back on television? Ah, I digress ...

The dating scene isn't so blog-worthy these days. But I really am happier than I have been in years ... maybe ever. Life seems rather easy, and I think I have it easier than most - although I'm not sure my friends agree. I am lucky. I don't deny it. Yes, I work hard, but I also fuck up as much as the next, but for some reason, I still land on top. I think it is a matter of solid values. Not values that imposed on me by work, my parents, religion, society or anything else; but values that i TRULY believe in. It doesn't matter WHAT you believe, as long as you really believe it and live it. The people that have similar values will be attracted - it is that simple. How often do you hang out with people who don't have the same baseline values as you? Not saying that you aren't different from them or chose different options than your friends, but no matter what you guys click. I like to think that the reason I have the BEST friends EVER is because I am also a good friend. It works and no matter what, these people will be by your side forever - so chose wisely and don't just follow fads - good peeps are good peeps. The most miserable people are those who don't know themselves and only follow everyone else hoping to find something that works.

All of this lofty discussion actually has a point. I am a VERY happy single woman. I take care of myself, and I like it that way. Eventually, I want something more, but now, I really like where I am and who I am. And I am so glad that a relationship does not define me. I guess my fear is that am TOO happy here and have closed the door to any serious relationship with a man because of the effort required. Why fix something that isn't broken???

Well, if for nothing else, for the sex .... oh, and so I don't have to continue to hire a husband to do the work around the house! Well, not really, but I like to keep up the hard-ass facade.

Difficulties

When did dating get so HARD? It is usually so easy, even if exhausting at times. CJG and I had planned to meet for a drink on a certain day, but then he vanished. I suggested a place to meet and I never heard back from him. It has been over 2 weeks. Who does that? I think he just earned his third strike .... I mean, if he was just hoping to get a yes from me, he obviously doesn't know me at all. It isn't all that difficult to get me to agree to meet for a drink ... I am rather easy on that request.

The Redhead is NOT a daddy afterall - blood tests confirmed. Not that I really care, but I was sooo curious. And I also had an instinct that it wasn't his, but he was SO determined that it was. He even bought stuff at Babies R Us. Are you serious? And he told me he was disappointed that she isn't his. Why would you want to bring a child into the world when the baby momma wants nothing to do with you? Seems like the right thing happened, if you ask me. Either way, he has become someone I want nothing to do with ever again.

Rep One is being somewhat distant. He left early last night from a gathering and we really haven't talked much at all outside of the random emails here and there. Not sure what I want, except attention, but something seems a little odd. It wasn't really awkward, just different. I guess we are all a little weird right now ... Graduation means serious life changes. Who can predict the future?

boy crazy

i recently realized that i am some what boy crazy. i find even the most ordinary guy cute. not because i am desperate (or at least that is what i tell myself), but more because I am happy and seeing the best in everyone. I have always enjoyed men, but this is kinda fun. Hasn't been this way in a long time, and I like it. A lot of men are cute, and I can actually flirt unabashedly for the first time in years without embarrassment. Ahhhh ... so nice.

No real prospects to speak of, but I am having a good time and putting myself out there. We shall see where that leads ....

i heart vince vaughn

the school crush had kinda disappeared from my radar for a while. we all hung out as usual, but really had kinda forgotten about it. liked the flirtations, but it was all in good fun.

then a large group of us went out for final drinks. we were done with 4 years of grueling law school classes, and it was time to celebrate at our usual watering hole. it wasn't really odd that we were left as the last two, somewhat typical. we walk out, and he offers a ride home, and of course i accept. metro v bmw? seriously people, who do you take me for?

anyway, nothing unusual until we arrive at my place. i gather my stuff and lean over for a thank you smooch on the cheek, and he moves in for a more substantial smooch ... and i don't resist (duh). I had a hard time not laughing at the situation considering the 3 year crush, but i finally decided i had to be a good girl and remove myself from the car. he did offer to take me home with him, but i resisted the temptation ... more because i was completely not prepared to be naked (i.e., haven't shaved in at least a week ... anywhere!).

hmmm ... .so where to go now. he thinks i'm not interested, and i wouldn't mind kicking that door open to see what happens. then again, i prefer not to go into the awkwardness stage and would prefer to forget it completely. so, i have decided to let things take their course. we'll see what happens ... or should i be more assertive? for such a confident woman, the doubts are always there in ever situation. i guess that is part of the fun.

Doh!

It just dawned on me that the Redhead and I never laugh when we are together. We are compatible on a very basic level, but otherwise, we talk about very generic topics. And never laugh or really have fun with each other. I'm not sure why it took me this long to pinpoint the real problem, but leave it to studying for finals to make one think of something completely unrelated to the law. The problem is that there is nothing techinically WRONG, but there is nothing particularly GREAT either.

Pssht. I'm so over that one ....