still hanging in there

my NYE was overall a great time. Just a few of us good friends together at my pad - lots of drinks, munchies, kisses and poker. Not surprisingly, the evening ended around 6am with lots of drama. Once sobered up, we are all doing just fine!

2005 has a been a slow dating year for me, but 2006 looks a bit more promising! not only do i have a "light" semester & graduate this year, but also a few dark horses are in the running and the Red Head has started making suggestive comments rather frequently recently. Is he willing to risk cat allergies and visit? we will see. i guess it is somewhat appropriate to end the year talking to him since i started it talking to him. Party Boy has made contact, but seemingly more of a friend thing. The Hottie is off the market currently, which is a damn shame - but admittedly for the best. SG and luckily the anonymous work geek & Rugby Boy were never to be heard from again. The Neighbor moved to Kentucky. The work nerd alert and I are making plans to meet for coffee or a drink soon.

I ran into the Vegetarian at a holiday party and had to struggle to leave the conversation - he was not going anywhere as long as I was willing to talk to him. Even my step-mom noticed!

My True Love is growing like a, well, kitten! And taught his brother to like beer, too!

The recent crushes are fading away quickly - out of sight, out of mind. #2 moved to a new floor in the building & I have only spent one evening with #1 since the original post. but alas, school is starting again in less than a week. stay tuned ...

chemistry

Oops - I haven't written Nerd Alert (NA - seemingly appropriate initials) back yet. The email is sitting in my drafts. I can't come up with what to say.

Sure, I'd like that? Um, no.

How about you introduce me to all of your friends and then never try to talk to me again?

Or maybe it is just too late at this point to be anything but honest - I didn't really feel a connection with you ... I forget every time I agree to a set-up that inevitably one of us will reject the other. I guess that is until the "one" shows his ... uh, face.

So match.com has a new site called 'chemistry' which looks to be more like eharmony, but with the unique match.com cheese. you can't search & they send you matches & you say yes or no. on another side note, match has made it so you can't see the people who email you unless you subscribe - they finally caught on to the "you can hit me at 'sexyman' at y! dot com" trick. oh well, guess you gotta resort to the onion for free online dating. I think I'll just go drinking with my friends and hit up all the men for drinks ... much cheaper and usually more entertaining (as well as productive). Sometimes, it is even entertaining for the men.

Half a Glass

So Nerd Alert from the company holiday party sends me an email today. He so intuitively observed that the "set-up" meeting was awkward (he unmistakably has a keen eye for the obvious) and thought we should meet under less pressure for coffee or something soon.

How am I supposed to respond to that? I am COMPLETELY not interested, but we really didn't get a chance to chat or whatever. So, if I say no, I look like a self-centered, pretentious bitch. If I say yes, I have to suffer through a coffee date that I have zero interest in having.

Tis the season for giving? Or is it better that I sacrifice looking like a complete superficial bitch in order to spare us both wasted time? Then again, if I try to see the glass half-full, I could possibly meet some new single folks at my job since I know very few there now. I guess I'll see what mood strikes me in the morning when I email him back.

Not such a prize

no more faith in my boss's judgment on men. do i come off as that much of a geek? wow. he was nice enough, but nothing fantastic. and he left the table to get a drink and didn't ask if i would like something. my glass was empty within arm's reach of him. total turnoff. i don't mean to be superficial, but i consider that an important detail that indicates a man's attention to detail of a woman's needs and just simple manners.

Oh well, next???

holiday fun

Tonight is the company's annual holiday party. I have been to very few social events with this company over the past year, but this one sounds like an event I shouldn’t miss. Not to mention, my boss wouldn’t let me out of it if I tried. She wants to introduce me to a guy that works here. She is all about setting me up on dates. I think I am the replacement for her daughter who is on the other side of the country currently. It is sweet in a way, but also a bit awkward. Also, I have a terrible sinus cold, so I’m sure right as she is introducing us, I’ll cough up a big hunk of phlegm. Men love that in a woman, right? Even if he allows that to pass and continues to chat with me, I am so doped up on meds, when added to wine, I am surely not able to hold anything resembling a socially-acceptable conversation ….

Crush

It has been a while since I have had a “crush” on anyone. You know, that feeling you get about someone that just makes you giggle, and you don’t know why? I currently have 2 definite crushes. They seem to be popping up all over the place, and I can't control it.

Maybe “they” are right – when you aren’t looking is when they show up.

Whatever it is, I feel like a teenager. Can’t stop thinking about one or the other. One I have never even spoken to. New guy at work – sooooo cute and always smiles at me when we pass in the hallway. And, based on his resume, he’s pretty darn smart, too. Love that in a guy.

Guy #2 has a much longer history. Known him for quite a while, had a crush on him when I first met him, got to know him, got over it, and now it seems to be back. I hate to even admit it because I don’t WANT to like him, but I guess I can’t really deny it. I do my best not to give him any more attention than I would anyone else, but I have recently found that he is always around – conveniently wanting to do the same things I want to do ... and pay for it all, too. Grrrrr.

And apparently I am being “set-up” tonight. I guess more of a big happy hour and both of us will be there. I trust ermmagirl's judgment, so it should be interesting. I guess this means I’m back from my dating hiatus!

breathe

I often have to remind myself to just take a few deep breaths and things will improve. I will get through all of the shit that life keeps throwing at me. To be cliche - that which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. And I am improving and each week seems to get better.

Why is it then that I haven't been able to stop crying all day? Luckily, I already had the day off, but I have wasted it listening to one song and crying instead of studying? Maybe if I had a voice or any creative writing talent, I'd be able to release all of this. I guess that is why I blog.

I never intended on this blog to be a "diary" of sorts, but it is definitely morphing into it. And it does help. For any readers that read for the funny dating stories, I must apologize for changing the mood recently. Once I pick myself and everyone else back up, I will hope to make up for it and "throw the cat around" a bit to quote miss v's hubby. probably not to the extent he means, but get myself out there on the dating scene again.

I hope writing now will help me to focus for the rest of the day on the things I need to do. Wish me luck!

Here are the lyrics to the song I can't seem to stop playing:

"Breathe (2am)" - Anna Nalick

2AM and she calls me cause I'm still awake
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season.
Yeah, we walk through the doors.
So accusing their eyes like they have any right at all to criticize
Hypocrites! You're all here for the very same reason.

But you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl so cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe

In May he turned 21 on the base of Fort Bliss
Just a day, he said, down to the flask in his fist
Ain't been sober since maybe October of last year.
And here in town you can tell he's been down for a while
but, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles
Wanna hold him
Maybe I'll just sing about it
. . . .

There's a light at each end of this tunnel
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out and these mistakes you've made,
you'll just make them again if you only try turning around

2AM and I'm still awake writing a song
If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd 'cause these words are my diary screaming out loud and I know that you'll use them however you want to

But you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl
so cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe . . .

SDB

stinky drunk boys. aren't they fun? always. and they even remind you to change your sheets regularly. what is wrong with that?

oh, yeah, the fact that i am "old" . . .

i cannot be responsible for the sdb's that visit after i have too much wine. he calls, and it seems like a good idea at the time. we don't have or do anything sexual ... just argue, play su do ku, and drink. i like it. i just hope that i'm not being the asshole this time.