Father Knows Best

Conversation about my dating life during my visit with the parents over Christmas:

Me: I thought dating older men was a good idea, but I am beginning to think that I may want to stop dating over-40 men.

Dad: Forty is a lot to keep up with - I would suggest dating only 1 or 2 at a time.

Me: Thanks, Dad. You always have all the answers.

Swirly

Feeling a bit swirly these days. I take the phrase from ms. choofly, but it really does explain what is going on in my life. Ever have those days where there are just so many crazy different thoughts flying through your head that it is difficult to grab hold of even one long enough to make sense of it? I know we all have been there, but have different words to describe it. For me, swirly is just about as perfect as it gets.

My life has become complicated again - although many of you probably think I feel as though my life is always complicated. It really is not, but I tend to blog when it is. I prefer simplicity and no drama. I avoid conflict (although I am desperately trying to stop being passive aggressive) and tend to put on a happy face as much as possible. I honestly believe that attitude has a lot to do with how things may eventually develop. You can't control the inevitable, but you can control how it impacts your life to some extent. Maybe I am naive or too optimistic, but it has worked out for me so far. Bad things happen, but you have to keep moving forward.

And I will again step off of the soapbox. You guys didn't come here for my advice on life, but for my stories on dating in washington, dc. I have to say that it never really changes, although I am looking forward to the administration change. It will be nice to have breath of fresh air enter this town - it has been stale for too long.

I will caveat my next blurb with the statement that I am in no way complaining, only blogging. I spent my entire weekend emailing and texting with boys of my past that seem to never to really disappear, only hibernate. I love hearing from all of them, and for some reason, several of them seem to reappear at the same time. Is it a spring/summer thing? I have no clue, but last week I had emails from 2 VERY random ex-play things and 2 somewhat constants. I can't call them ex-boyfriends, but we have a past one way or another (get your mind out of the gutter), from the innocent to the not so innocent (back into the gutter). I am not a person to contact my exes without reason, so I am not sure what drives this behavior, but I will admit I enjoy it to some degree. On the other hand it just adds to my swirly head and makes my life more complicated while I try to determine if there is something more to it than just the general attention we all crave.

This all presents a bit of a conundrum for me -- I don't know about you, but I when things in my life are a bit crazy, I tend to fall into things I would normally not consider. Not to mention that I am a single woman in her young 30s ... forgive me!

Changes

It has come to my attention recently that May is my month of change. In May 2006, I installed new floors in my condo. In May 2007, I installed a new HVAC system. This May, I am selling my condo and buying a new place (well, my fingers are crossed that the latter will happen soon). Maybe I am subconsciously inspired by spring or maybe it is just a very strange coincidence - after all, I didn't really WANT to buy that new HVAC system last year.

But why is it then that the more things change, the more things stay the same? I still work too much even after taking a job I thought result in less hours, I still attract men that I adore as friends but have no interest in pursuing a relationship with, and I still can't seem to attract any men that I have an interest in having a relationship with. There are other things that haven't changed (my boys (kitties), my car, my crazy family, my incredibly supportive friends), but I won't go in to those since this is a blog about dating. Maybe a new house in a new neighborhood will result in a new beginning for me, or at least a place to start a new path or head in a new direction. My tiny little condo has been great for the past five years, but I am looking forward to a bigger place where I can spread my wings (and store all the miscellaneous objects that go along with having so many hobbies that you never have time to excel in any of them). After all, more space screams to be filled with more stuff!

So, here's to change and the beginning of new collections of great stuff! Wish me luck!

Fleeting Thought

During all of this preparation to get my condo in a marketable condition according to my realtor, I have discovered a lot about what I can and can't do (I can't replace a bathroom faucet that has never been touched in over 20 years). Generally, I have been quite surprised at my ability to get it all done - albeit with some generous help from a few friends.

However, there was a point where I almost hit my breaking point from just being tired, stressed, pressured, bruised all over and generally just sick of not being able to relax for 10 minutes. As I carried what seemed like the hundredth load of unknown stuff down to my storage space, with both my arms and legs shaking from fatigue, a little tiny bit of me thought it would be really nice to have a good man around to help me do all of this crap.

As I put away the last bit of stuff and came up to my condo and saw how nice it had all really come together, that tiny fleeting thought was soon dismissed by the much larger and bitchier parts of me that said, "that's such crap!! do you see this place? i can do it all myself and don't need no stinkin' man!!"

Ah, yes, and then I opened a bottle of champagne and enjoyed not having to share any of it.

Epiphany

I was sitting around a table at happy hour with 4 other friends the other day chatting about life, work, how crazy Britney is, and the like when I suddenly looked around me. To my left was a male co-worker of mine and his cute-as-hell boyfriend with an equally cute southern accent. To my right were 2 women friends who are currently involved with 2 other women.

Lightbulb! Although I HEART hanging out with my gay friends, this may (partly) explain my singlehood. Well, that and otherwise hanging out with my married friends. Not that I am going to stop hanging out with these friends, but maybe I need to expand/exploit my single friend base a bit.

Nah, that would just make too much sense, now wouldn't it? And besides, those single folk always seem to be talking about their dating lives (or lack thereof). How annoying is that???? (Blogs about the same fully acceptable, of course.)

What are you thinking?

I'd like to share a segment of an initial email I just received on match. It starts with the traditional questions like, "What kind of movies do you generally like to watch adn [sic] what kind of music do you listen to?" But then launches into a couple of deeper questions:

"When in a relationship how much control do you like to have, how dominant do you consider yourself to be? How much personal space do you prefer to have?"

Seriously? These are the first things you want to ask a woman? How about getting my name first? Or even my favorite color. Maybe I should write back that I am always in complete control, I like submissive men who prefer to be whipped until they are bleeding, and then I leave them for hours tied up so I can enjoy my personal space. Problem is, I think he may get turned on by that answer ...

Because I should be working

Yes, it is Saturday, but as we all know, I am an attorney, which means I should ALWAYS be working. They drill it in our tiny little brains from the moment we walk through those big beautiful firm doors: bill, Bill, BILL!!!! But we all must take a break. My distraction from the daily grind recently has been flirting with an ex over email. Actually, most wouldn't call it "flirting" since it is only very basic "what are you doing?" emails back and forth. But for this guy (who long pre-dates this blog), contact generally is flirting. He lives in Nashville, so it is far enough away for me to feel safe. No risk of anything more, just innocent, friendly emails. When he's in town, I usually meet him for a couple of drinks and then see his show (he's the bassist for a purty cool band). So I can relive the band groupie days of my early twenties (i.e., get in the show for free and feel super cool because I know all the band members) without the stress of having to do that several times a week. That gets really old - fast.

Okay, now, back to work!

Mediocre

Contrary to popular belief, there is no shortage of available men in the area. I find it almost funny when I think about how many men are willing to buy me dinner. But, as is almost always the case, I am not finding any of the current prospects all that appealing. Can't decide if the customer is not really ready to buy or if the goods are just mediocre quality. I think it is the latter. I enjoy the company of men and think I will be willing to jump right back in when the right product is available.

I'm back on match and have been on dates with 2 guys so far. One was reminiscent of the Stage 5 Clinger, but WORSE. I had to break up with him TWICE after only 3 dates. I mean, really?? I'm hot and all that, but have some pride. Now he has emailed me because he wants to return my earrings I left weeks ago. Not wanting to make him think that there was still any chance, I had considered them a casualty of war. But he can't let go. So I agree to meet him for a drink and to watch Monday Night Football - at a bar. He of course offered to meet at my place or his, to pick me up or to give me a massage (no, I'm really not kidding), but I thought a public place with other legitimate distractions would be best. I can appease him, get my earrings, have a couple of free beers and watch football. Seems like a win-win to me.

The other guy just doesn't seem that smart. The conversation is always rather superficial and generic. He is really nice, not even "too nice", but I'm just not feeling it. I went out with him a few times and chatted with him on the phone, trying to figure out the problem. I still don't know what the problem is, but I don't think I should waste any more of his time. Time to say goodbye. Hopefully he will be easier to break away from than the first one!

Then there is a guy from about an hour away that I met online 2 years ago that is trying to finally meet me. He says his second job is as a professional poker player which really turns me off completely. Not to mention he keeps asking me to come up there after I have told him numerous times that he has to come here to meet me first. He is the one asking, so he has to do the driving. He annoys me online, so I can't imagine I would like him in person, but I guess I'll give it a try if he ever makes it down to see me. I'm not holding my breath.