Transitions

Has it really been that long since my last post?? Time seems to be flying these days. It will be over a week before I even realize I have entered the next month. Time is slipping away from me. But, considering the stress of studying for the bar exam, this is probably a very good thing.

This seems to be a period of transition. I have many friends that are in major transitions of their lives. Divorces, marriages, new homes, new loves, break-ups, engagements, babies, new jobs, new relationships, etc. Maybe that's just where I am in life. I will be "thirty-something" at the end of the month. Many people, including my mother, have told me about how great the thirties are: a lot of respect professionally, decent money,but relatively little responsibility. Considering this often comes from parents who have so much more responsibility than me, I have to think the next decade can only be fabulous. Most of the transitions are positive moves, whether or not they appear pretty on the face of it. No, they all are ... I believe that everything happens for a reason and as cliche as it is, what doesn't kill us, make us stronger. And better. People who have been handed everything on a silver platter all of their lives are shallow for a reason. Not saying that it is their fault, but I'm glad I am not one of them. No education, amount of money, or book learning can replace real life experiences.

And why exactly is Jason Priestly back on television? Ah, I digress ...

The dating scene isn't so blog-worthy these days. But I really am happier than I have been in years ... maybe ever. Life seems rather easy, and I think I have it easier than most - although I'm not sure my friends agree. I am lucky. I don't deny it. Yes, I work hard, but I also fuck up as much as the next, but for some reason, I still land on top. I think it is a matter of solid values. Not values that imposed on me by work, my parents, religion, society or anything else; but values that i TRULY believe in. It doesn't matter WHAT you believe, as long as you really believe it and live it. The people that have similar values will be attracted - it is that simple. How often do you hang out with people who don't have the same baseline values as you? Not saying that you aren't different from them or chose different options than your friends, but no matter what you guys click. I like to think that the reason I have the BEST friends EVER is because I am also a good friend. It works and no matter what, these people will be by your side forever - so chose wisely and don't just follow fads - good peeps are good peeps. The most miserable people are those who don't know themselves and only follow everyone else hoping to find something that works.

All of this lofty discussion actually has a point. I am a VERY happy single woman. I take care of myself, and I like it that way. Eventually, I want something more, but now, I really like where I am and who I am. And I am so glad that a relationship does not define me. I guess my fear is that am TOO happy here and have closed the door to any serious relationship with a man because of the effort required. Why fix something that isn't broken???

Well, if for nothing else, for the sex .... oh, and so I don't have to continue to hire a husband to do the work around the house! Well, not really, but I like to keep up the hard-ass facade.

Difficulties

When did dating get so HARD? It is usually so easy, even if exhausting at times. CJG and I had planned to meet for a drink on a certain day, but then he vanished. I suggested a place to meet and I never heard back from him. It has been over 2 weeks. Who does that? I think he just earned his third strike .... I mean, if he was just hoping to get a yes from me, he obviously doesn't know me at all. It isn't all that difficult to get me to agree to meet for a drink ... I am rather easy on that request.

The Redhead is NOT a daddy afterall - blood tests confirmed. Not that I really care, but I was sooo curious. And I also had an instinct that it wasn't his, but he was SO determined that it was. He even bought stuff at Babies R Us. Are you serious? And he told me he was disappointed that she isn't his. Why would you want to bring a child into the world when the baby momma wants nothing to do with you? Seems like the right thing happened, if you ask me. Either way, he has become someone I want nothing to do with ever again.

Rep One is being somewhat distant. He left early last night from a gathering and we really haven't talked much at all outside of the random emails here and there. Not sure what I want, except attention, but something seems a little odd. It wasn't really awkward, just different. I guess we are all a little weird right now ... Graduation means serious life changes. Who can predict the future?

boy crazy

i recently realized that i am some what boy crazy. i find even the most ordinary guy cute. not because i am desperate (or at least that is what i tell myself), but more because I am happy and seeing the best in everyone. I have always enjoyed men, but this is kinda fun. Hasn't been this way in a long time, and I like it. A lot of men are cute, and I can actually flirt unabashedly for the first time in years without embarrassment. Ahhhh ... so nice.

No real prospects to speak of, but I am having a good time and putting myself out there. We shall see where that leads ....

i heart vince vaughn

the school crush had kinda disappeared from my radar for a while. we all hung out as usual, but really had kinda forgotten about it. liked the flirtations, but it was all in good fun.

then a large group of us went out for final drinks. we were done with 4 years of grueling law school classes, and it was time to celebrate at our usual watering hole. it wasn't really odd that we were left as the last two, somewhat typical. we walk out, and he offers a ride home, and of course i accept. metro v bmw? seriously people, who do you take me for?

anyway, nothing unusual until we arrive at my place. i gather my stuff and lean over for a thank you smooch on the cheek, and he moves in for a more substantial smooch ... and i don't resist (duh). I had a hard time not laughing at the situation considering the 3 year crush, but i finally decided i had to be a good girl and remove myself from the car. he did offer to take me home with him, but i resisted the temptation ... more because i was completely not prepared to be naked (i.e., haven't shaved in at least a week ... anywhere!).

hmmm ... .so where to go now. he thinks i'm not interested, and i wouldn't mind kicking that door open to see what happens. then again, i prefer not to go into the awkwardness stage and would prefer to forget it completely. so, i have decided to let things take their course. we'll see what happens ... or should i be more assertive? for such a confident woman, the doubts are always there in ever situation. i guess that is part of the fun.

Doh!

It just dawned on me that the Redhead and I never laugh when we are together. We are compatible on a very basic level, but otherwise, we talk about very generic topics. And never laugh or really have fun with each other. I'm not sure why it took me this long to pinpoint the real problem, but leave it to studying for finals to make one think of something completely unrelated to the law. The problem is that there is nothing techinically WRONG, but there is nothing particularly GREAT either.

Pssht. I'm so over that one ....

lightning crashes

back in college i had what i call a "steady hook-up". we never dated, but never had sex, either. just an unspoken understanding that if neither of us had our eye on someone else at a party, we would go home together. even after college we had a few run-ins. not as regularly, most likely because of his on-again, off-again girlfriend. i never asked their status, nor did he often provide the information. i let myself believe that if was seeking me out, then they were off-again.

that is, until the engagement. at that point, i had to face up to the fact that it was real. other than the fact that she once smacked miss v for no good reason, i really have nothing against her. she seems like a nice girl, but i really don't know her well.

i always made an effort to stay clear of the Stand-By while in serious relationships with others. i knew better of myself than to think that i could socialize with him with a few drinks and and not refuse his advances ... or at least be very tempted not to do so. i didn't want to put myself in that position, so i avoided it. he wasn't so careful and i have to admit that we had our moments while he was engaged.

to this day Stand-By and i are good friends. we talk regularly via IM and keep up with each others' lives to a basic extent. he has been married for several years and we haven't seen each other or "had relations" since the marriage. he tells me he completely abides by his vows. as his counselor, i make sure he realizes it is now a LEGAL obligation on top of a moral one. dontcha hate lawyers?

the other day he drops a bomb on me that i had been expecting, but thought i would know much earlier: he has a newborn little boy. i think it is great, but am shocked that i know nothing of it until a couple of months after the fact ... it isn't like you dont know that is on its way. in fact, i have asked MANY times if children were in the future and he always blew me off. (to his credit, once i confronted him, he swore he thought he told me and sent me a picture and told me all about him.)

then, a few days later, we get on the topic of my morals and ethics (as a lawyer).
Stand-By: don't worry... i won't sell you out when you run for DA
Me: ha! what do you have on me?
Stand-By: you shouldn't have to ask
Me: i can't think of anything illegal or repugnant that you know about ... hmmmm ... so, i drank to excess and made out with you - as far as i know that is all legal
Stand-By: "drank to excess". w ell played. you are good, b/c that was MY argument

but a few hours later (after he's had a few drinks):
Stand-By: for the record... as bad as i was... i should feel worse than i do. guess that makes me a bad guy. but i just wanted to let you know that i'm the bad guy... anyway... something i should have said to you a while back... not that it matters... but just in case
Me: no worries. what happened in the past is over
Stand-By: good... i won't lie and say that certain folks are good at making me feel different

For once, the Stand-By has taken me COMPLETELY off-guard and I have NO idea where he is coming from. I guess he has guilt afterall ... or someone is making him feel guilty. maybe it is fatherhood.

conservative republicans LOVE me

why aren't the ultra cool, liberal types in to me nearly as much as the super yuppie conservative, working-for-the-man-and-liking-it types??? although i do enjoy the challenge on the first initial dates, in the long run we both know it just won't work. unless of course they want to pay off my law school loans while i providing public interest legal services to the less-fortunate around town for the rest of my life. told ya it would never work.

booty calls and daddy should never be in the same sentence

alright, alright, alright! a new post for all you crazy kids. as you can imagine, it is tough to follow that last post, true? but for your entertainment, i will try!

i hadn't heard from the redhead much this week and thought maybe he was catching my very subtle hints of disinterest, but i was apparently wrong. he was all about the booty calls this weekend - tried both friday and saturday, but luckily i wiggled my way out of both. half of me wants to invite him on over and straight up dump him, while the other half of me doesn't have the energy to put forth the effort. Then again, it is probably much less energy than it will take to avoid his constant booty calls. (on the by and by, HE has labeled his own calls as booty calls!)