DC Dating Games

Does Jobless Equate Increased Need to Date?

2009-09-27T22:41:00.005-04:00

I.am.unemployed. Even worse: I.am.an.unemployed.attorney. Can you think of a more unattractive statement to state on a first date?? I can't. Most men I've met do not really want to date an intelligent, independent, professional woman - much less one that is also unemployed. Or maybe the unemployed factor overcomes the independent issue - suddenly I need support - emotional and/or financial. Is that what a man really wants - to be 'needed'? If so, sign me up. My friends have been telling me to sign up for one of the online dating sites. That the expense would be worth the free dinners my dates would buy, and hell, I have so much more time on my hands now that I'm not working. Two problems with that scenario. I still have issues with "expecting" a man to pay and looking for a job is actually more time consuming than a job. But maybe we could call it networking ... hmmmmmm. There's an idea.

Currently, I don't have the energy for both. I can date or I can go on interviews. I choose the latter for now. I have a mortgage to pay. Unless, of course, there is some really hot, super kind, sugar daddy out there that wants to support me for a while during my job search. Any takers?

The Dreaded Holiday

2009-02-14T17:21:00.002-05:00

Although I have not been blogging regularly, I feel as though I would be remiss to not post on Valentine's Day. I mean, this is a blog about dating after all. So what does a single chick like me do on this holiday made for couples? I am planning a girl evening in with a few friends - good wine, good food, and probably a couple chick flicks thrown in as well. And this won't be one of those parties where we just sit around bashing men - the host is married (hubby is out of town, of course). More of just an excuse to have a chill night at home. Since I have been trying to save a little moula recently (or at least not spend so much on food and drinks), this sounds like a perfect evening to me.

I am sure there are plenty of single chicks out there who stressed over the need to have a date for tonight, but I am not one of them. In fact, I know I could have managed to have a date tonight, but I really hate the pressure of the holiday - on me and the guy. I'm not a big Valentine's Day person anyway, so I figure it is best to avoid it all together. So, cheers to just another Saturday night in with the ladies!

Father Knows Best

2008-12-29T21:51:00.001-05:00

Conversation about my dating life during my visit with the parents over Christmas:

Me: I thought dating older men was a good idea, but I am beginning to think that I may want to stop dating over-40 men.

Dad: Forty is a lot to keep up with - I would suggest dating only 1 or 2 at a time.

Me: Thanks, Dad. You always have all the answers.

Swirly

2008-06-23T22:20:00.002-04:00

Feeling a bit swirly these days. I take the phrase from ms. choofly, but it really does explain what is going on in my life. Ever have those days where there are just so many crazy different thoughts flying through your head that it is difficult to grab hold of even one long enough to make sense of it? I know we all have been there, but have different words to describe it. For me, swirly is just about as perfect as it gets.

My life has become complicated again - although many of you probably think I feel as though my life is always complicated. It really is not, but I tend to blog when it is. I prefer simplicity and no drama. I avoid conflict (although I am desperately trying to stop being passive aggressive) and tend to put on a happy face as much as possible. I honestly believe that attitude has a lot to do with how things may eventually develop. You can't control the inevitable, but you can control how it impacts your life to some extent. Maybe I am naive or too optimistic, but it has worked out for me so far. Bad things happen, but you have to keep moving forward.

And I will again step off of the soapbox. You guys didn't come here for my advice on life, but for my stories on dating in washington, dc. I have to say that it never really changes, although I am looking forward to the administration change. It will be nice to have breath of fresh air enter this town - it has been stale for too long.

I will caveat my next blurb with the statement that I am in no way complaining, only blogging. I spent my entire weekend emailing and texting with boys of my past that seem to never to really disappear, only hibernate. I love hearing from all of them, and for some reason, several of them seem to reappear at the same time. Is it a spring/summer thing? I have no clue, but last week I had emails from 2 VERY random ex-play things and 2 somewhat constants. I can't call them ex-boyfriends, but we have a past one way or another (get your mind out of the gutter), from the innocent to the not so innocent (back into the gutter). I am not a person to contact my exes without reason, so I am not sure what drives this behavior, but I will admit I enjoy it to some degree. On the other hand it just adds to my swirly head and makes my life more complicated while I try to determine if there is something more to it than just the general attention we all crave.

This all presents a bit of a conundrum for me -- I don't know about you, but I when things in my life are a bit crazy, I tend to fall into things I would normally not consider. Not to mention that I am a single woman in her young 30s ... forgive me!

Changes

2008-05-11T19:06:00.002-04:00

It has come to my attention recently that May is my month of change. In May 2006, I installed new floors in my condo. In May 2007, I installed a new HVAC system. This May, I am selling my condo and buying a new place (well, my fingers are crossed that the latter will happen soon). Maybe I am subconsciously inspired by spring or maybe it is just a very strange coincidence - after all, I didn't really WANT to buy that new HVAC system last year.

But why is it then that the more things change, the more things stay the same? I still work too much even after taking a job I thought result in less hours, I still attract men that I adore as friends but have no interest in pursuing a relationship with, and I still can't seem to attract any men that I have an interest in having a relationship with. There are other things that haven't changed (my boys (kitties), my car, my crazy family, my incredibly supportive friends), but I won't go in to those since this is a blog about dating. Maybe a new house in a new neighborhood will result in a new beginning for me, or at least a place to start a new path or head in a new direction. My tiny little condo has been great for the past five years, but I am looking forward to a bigger place where I can spread my wings (and store all the miscellaneous objects that go along with having so many hobbies that you never have time to excel in any of them). After all, more space screams to be filled with more stuff!

So, here's to change and the beginning of new collections of great stuff! Wish me luck!

Fleeting Thought

2008-05-09T19:28:00.000-04:00

During all of this preparation to get my condo in a marketable condition according to my realtor, I have discovered a lot about what I can and can't do (I can't replace a bathroom faucet that has never been touched in over 20 years). Generally, I have been quite surprised at my ability to get it all done - albeit with some generous help from a few friends.

However, there was a point where I almost hit my breaking point from just being tired, stressed, pressured, bruised all over and generally just sick of not being able to relax for 10 minutes. As I carried what seemed like the hundredth load of unknown stuff down to my storage space, with both my arms and legs shaking from fatigue, a little tiny bit of me thought it would be really nice to have a good man around to help me do all of this crap.

As I put away the last bit of stuff and came up to my condo and saw how nice it had all really come together, that tiny fleeting thought was soon dismissed by the much larger and bitchier parts of me that said, "that's such crap!! do you see this place? i can do it all myself and don't need no stinkin' man!!"

Ah, yes, and then I opened a bottle of champagne and enjoyed not having to share any of it.

Epiphany

2008-02-27T22:25:00.000-05:00

I was sitting around a table at happy hour with 4 other friends the other day chatting about life, work, how crazy Britney is, and the like when I suddenly looked around me. To my left was a male co-worker of mine and his cute-as-hell boyfriend with an equally cute southern accent. To my right were 2 women friends who are currently involved with 2 other women.

Lightbulb! Although I HEART hanging out with my gay friends, this may (partly) explain my singlehood. Well, that and otherwise hanging out with my married friends. Not that I am going to stop hanging out with these friends, but maybe I need to expand/exploit my single friend base a bit.

Nah, that would just make too much sense, now wouldn't it? And besides, those single folk always seem to be talking about their dating lives (or lack thereof). How annoying is that???? (Blogs about the same fully acceptable, of course.)

What are you thinking?

2008-02-23T14:47:00.003-05:00

I'd like to share a segment of an initial email I just received on match. It starts with the traditional questions like, "What kind of movies do you generally like to watch adn [sic] what kind of music do you listen to?" But then launches into a couple of deeper questions:

"When in a relationship how much control do you like to have, how dominant do you consider yourself to be? How much personal space do you prefer to have?"

Seriously? These are the first things you want to ask a woman? How about getting my name first? Or even my favorite color. Maybe I should write back that I am always in complete control, I like submissive men who prefer to be whipped until they are bleeding, and then I leave them for hours tied up so I can enjoy my personal space. Problem is, I think he may get turned on by that answer ...

Because I should be working

2008-02-02T09:36:00.000-05:00

Yes, it is Saturday, but as we all know, I am an attorney, which means I should ALWAYS be working. They drill it in our tiny little brains from the moment we walk through those big beautiful firm doors: bill, Bill, BILL!!!! But we all must take a break. My distraction from the daily grind recently has been flirting with an ex over email. Actually, most wouldn't call it "flirting" since it is only very basic "what are you doing?" emails back and forth. But for this guy (who long pre-dates this blog), contact generally is flirting. He lives in Nashville, so it is far enough away for me to feel safe. No risk of anything more, just innocent, friendly emails. When he's in town, I usually meet him for a couple of drinks and then see his show (he's the bassist for a purty cool band). So I can relive the band groupie days of my early twenties (i.e., get in the show for free and feel super cool because I know all the band members) without the stress of having to do that several times a week. That gets really old - fast.

Okay, now, back to work!

Mediocre

2007-10-15T18:24:00.000-04:00

Contrary to popular belief, there is no shortage of available men in the area. I find it almost funny when I think about how many men are willing to buy me dinner. But, as is almost always the case, I am not finding any of the current prospects all that appealing. Can't decide if the customer is not really ready to buy or if the goods are just mediocre quality. I think it is the latter. I enjoy the company of men and think I will be willing to jump right back in when the right product is available.

I'm back on match and have been on dates with 2 guys so far. One was reminiscent of the Stage 5 Clinger, but WORSE. I had to break up with him TWICE after only 3 dates. I mean, really?? I'm hot and all that, but have some pride. Now he has emailed me because he wants to return my earrings I left weeks ago. Not wanting to make him think that there was still any chance, I had considered them a casualty of war. But he can't let go. So I agree to meet him for a drink and to watch Monday Night Football - at a bar. He of course offered to meet at my place or his, to pick me up or to give me a massage (no, I'm really not kidding), but I thought a public place with other legitimate distractions would be best. I can appease him, get my earrings, have a couple of free beers and watch football. Seems like a win-win to me.

The other guy just doesn't seem that smart. The conversation is always rather superficial and generic. He is really nice, not even "too nice", but I'm just not feeling it. I went out with him a few times and chatted with him on the phone, trying to figure out the problem. I still don't know what the problem is, but I don't think I should waste any more of his time. Time to say goodbye. Hopefully he will be easier to break away from than the first one!

Then there is a guy from about an hour away that I met online 2 years ago that is trying to finally meet me. He says his second job is as a professional poker player which really turns me off completely. Not to mention he keeps asking me to come up there after I have told him numerous times that he has to come here to meet me first. He is the one asking, so he has to do the driving. He annoys me online, so I can't imagine I would like him in person, but I guess I'll give it a try if he ever makes it down to see me. I'm not holding my breath.

Mr Potato Jerk

2007-09-02T13:21:00.000-04:00

As you can tell from my last post, I recently split with my last boy. He was by far the best guy I've dated in my life, but for some reason, neither of us had the love spark. I could have hung out with him forever - we laughed, always had fun doing everything and never fought about anything. Why does that not equal love, I will never understand. Although it doesn't feel like it, hanging on to that would be settling for less than I deserve. The spark really has to be there to keep it going, even if everything else seems to be perfect. I wasn't ready to toss in the towel just yet, but he was 'older and wiser', I guess (but see below). Why hang on any longer?

The manner he went about approaching the subject not so mature and wise:
He had asked me to go with him across country to visit his family several months ago. I hesitantly agree. I am not ready to meet his family, but am excited he wants me to. I decided I had to get past my anxiety and just do it. (Lesson learned: gut instincts right about 99% of the time.)

A day before he flies out (I'm supposed to fly out 3 days later), he comes down to "brief me on Idaho." We hang out like usual for about 3 hours, discussing arrangements, different family members, what we be doing, what I should pack, etc. I walk out of the room to get ready for bed. Come back into the living room, and he says: "We have a problem." Tells me I am the best girlfriend, but it just isn't working and that he's really sorry, but has to go. He walks out the door and flies across the country the next day, leaving me completely blindsided and confused. And embarrassed: I have to go back to work after requesting (i.e., fighting for) the week off; cancel my plans for kitty sitting; explain to all my friends when I didn't know what to say; etc. That is ANYTHING but the mature way to handle a breakup.

I understand that it was difficult for him, but seriously, GROW SOME BALLS! Tell me a month and a half ago when you started having doubts so I would at least have a little warning. Don't act like everything is great and still make me plan for a trip you knew I wasn't going on and that was the source of extreme anxiety and stress for me. That isn't just rude, it's cruel. I thought dating an older man would avoid most of the stupid young guy communication problems and games, but boy, I have never been more wrong. Apparently, older, never-been-married guys have commitment issues and don't know how to bow out gracefully.

So, I'm back to the dating scene again. That will most likely mean there will be much more frequent posts here. So, I'm glad to be back, and please comment away! Send me your stories, and let's have some fun!

Interested or not interested? THAT is really the question.

2007-08-28T13:44:00.000-04:00

We all know that everyone wants something that they think they can’t have. And most of us have seen ample evidence that this theory also works in relationships. In fact, there are many experts and books that advocate this angle in dating. The more you act like you aren’t interested or couldn’t care less about someone, the harder and faster they come towards you. The more desperate you are, the less interested anyone is.

This is great for the first few dates so you can “hook” them, but what happens after that? Do you let your guard down, only to find out that the chase was all they wanted? Or do you keep up the act – and if so, for how long? A long-term, healthy relationship is not about games or challenges, but about love and compassion. By playing the game to hook the next person, are we really dooming that relationship to end when the challenge ends? But if we don’t play the slightly-unattainable game, will we ever get a man interested enough to connect emotionally?

I keep debating this in my head and with friends as I reflect on my latest ended relationship. Everyone has an opinion, but no one seems to have an answer. “Be yourself” is my favorite cliché – are we really ever ourselves around people we don’t know that well? Honestly, I don’t feel like that I am not being myself when I am aloof or not completely open. I think most of my friends would agree. It takes time to attain that comfort level and let our guard down. Obviously, the amount of time varies with everyone, but when does being myself become playing the unattainable game? As an admittedly emotionally guarded person, when do I know when its time to finally allow someone below the surface?

After much recent self-reflection, I am thinking I have never had someone really fall in love with me because of this emotional wall I rarely let anyone behind. But as soon as I feel like I’m ready to let someone take a peek, the initial spark has fizzled, and they have already checked-out. Too little, too late. I reach out at this point and get nothing back, resulting, of course, in me being even more gun-shy the next time around.

All my exes refer to me as the “perfect girlfriend” who they really wanted to fall in love with. Probably because I don’t do those annoying things women do that men always complain about. But that is probably the same reason I can’t connect with someone on a deeper level. Yes, I actually expect you to tell me when something is wrong, not expect me to ask. I’m not the type to ask “What’s wrong?” every time my boyfriend asks a little odd. Who wants to be THAT girl who nags all the time and seems insecure in herself and the relationship? But as much as men complain about that simple question, maybe by not asking it I appear disinterested. I think men hate that question because they have to actually answer it and open up emotionally. I can empathize, which is probably why I never ask. But, considering the last two times I actually asked, I unexpectedly got dumped, maybe I should ask a little earlier!

Lesson here – as much as men complain about the way women are, they expect it and don’t know how to behave when it doesn’t happen. Of course, if I follow this new rule, I just put “Be yourself” six feet under!

Surprise!

2007-06-01T00:20:00.000-04:00

It has been a while since my last blog. Not because I haven’t wanted to blog, but more because I am typically so TIRED of sitting in front of a computer, I really can’t imagine using this as the release it used to be. I’m not sure what changed. Venting to a non-accusing forum of an anonymous blog used to be the ultimate form of release. I could say anything and not feel an ounce of guilt and feel so completely relieved.

My life has changed and it really has little to do with my new dating life, although most would assume differently since I haven’t blogged since I started dating my wonderful beau. It has much more to do with my change of priorities. I have decided that doing NOTHING is completely underrated and is actually a GOOD thing. Most people say they wish to have nothing to do, but that is such a lie. Those people can’t survive on a lack of something to do or a or way to make themselves appear busy. I, on the other had, have learned that having nothing to do is a beautiful affair. There really is an art to doing NOTHING. Good luck chewing on that one. No one really understands it, including me. But I hope I will soon enough!

More later ….

So Where Were We?

2006-12-20T11:13:00.000-05:00

The holidays are such a busy time of year. Especially when you are trying to juggle family, friends, shopping, work parties, AND multiple dates. I am so behind on everything. To catch you guys up, we have three guys in the current pool: the Engineer, the Lobbyist, and Idaho Boy.

The Lobbyist has shown his age. He is only 25, but I thought was pretty mature for his age. However, he was asking to see me last week, and I only had one day available. He said ok, but that he had to meet up for a work Happy Hour first. No problem – I wanted to slip in a nap anyway (now my age is showing) and figured I had until at least 8pm. By 10 I hadn’t heard from him, ordered pizza, got in my pjs, wrote out my Christmas cards, and put in a movie. He finally sent me a text message a little after 11. Needless to say I told him he wouldn’t be seeing me that night. I have somewhat avoided him since. Don’t see much more happening there – especially considering the other two options currently available.

The Engineer is the ideal match for me. He is nice-looking, a sharp dresser, has a great personality, loves gadgets, watches Meerkat Manor, and is completely honest. Still no sparks. Then he did something a little odd: he sent a text message at 7am on Saturday morning telling me how much he enjoyed our last two dates and that he would really like to see me again before I leave town for Christmas. The fact that he sent it at 7am on a Saturday is the main concern. Not because he woke me up (which he did), but more because he had obviously been thinking about me first thing that morning. I agreed to hang out with him tonight, but I am hesitant. I like him, but I am not feeling the same way he is. Is he moving too fast for me and my feelings will eventually catch up, or am I just stringing him along knowing that sparks are usually almost immediate? As many of you have heard me say before, my Dad and Stepmom like to joke about the fact that after their first date, my Dad wrote “No sparks” in his journal. They have been happily married for 18 years. When do we know for sure?

And that leaves Idaho Boy. He doesn’t actually live in Idaho, which is good, but he does live in Delaware, which is bad. But, he has come down two weekends in a row to see me. And although his cousin lives in the area, he got a hotel room the second time and didn’t tell her he was going to be in town. So he came down just for our date. He grew up in Salt Lake City and Boise (hence the nickname). He is long distance, a complete DORK, dresses very badly and hasn’t one clue about technology – so clearly, I like him. Now he’s gone for two weeks to visit the fam on the west coast. Will absence really make the heart grow fonder or is it out of sight out of mind? I’ve gotten multiple messages from him since he left on Monday, so the former seems more likely at this point.

The X-Factor

2006-12-07T22:36:00.000-05:00

Two dates in one week. One definitive statement that we will not date. Two possible second dates. Get lost on the math? The X factor is just that – an ex that I was never really interested in pursuing again, but he pursued me and I thought I would at least entertain it for a bit. But old habits die hard and the Bartender and I are still not compatible. Apparently, he felt my lack of enthusiasm and made me face it tonight. I only slightly hesitated when I answered that we shouldn’t date. Well, we shouldn’t. We aren’t compatible. I enjoy his company, but that is where it ends (see previous posts).

The other two newbies. Lets see … we have the Lobbyist and the Engineer. Wow, doesn’t that sound too exciting?!?!?!?!? Actually, both were quite entertaining and worthy of a second date. And both have mentioned what to do next, so I guess there will be another. Why am not really excited? I’m not sure. They are both attractive, intelligent, nice and seemingly sane. Maybe that is the problem – they are sane, and as we all know, I am not.

And here I am smiling to myself while writing this because an old unobtainable flame IMed me. I argue that it is only because he is unobtainable and that is what drives desire until you find the real thing. Then I think, maybe I really am planning my own demise. I avoid good men and am attracted to the worst and unavailable. But aren’t all women?? Only when we are young and dumb. I am too experience (i.e., old) for that crap. I can always pinpoint the wrong guys, but never the right ones.

One of my newly married friends told me that her now husband told her on her first date:

“You aren’t model hot, but there is something about you.”

If a man who says that can eventually convince the same woman to marry him, I have to believe there is hope in the world.

WTF???

2006-11-22T16:07:00.000-05:00

That is my initial reaction to events of this week. Let me explain. Now that I am getting settled into my new daily routines, I am attempting to touch base with people again. About 5 weeks ago, I sent our friend, RW, an email to say hello and suggest that we meet for a drink to catch up. I hadn’t heard from him since before the bar exam in July.

A couple of days ago, Choofly talked to RW and suggested an happy hour now that we are all officially lawyers. It became a slightly bigger event than originally anticipated, but I was looking forward to seeing everyone again. I remembered that I hadn’t heard back from RW, but figured it wasn’t really a big deal – I forget to reply to people often without even realizing it. Thinking, “I must reply to so and so” over and over again in your head suddenly transforms into, “Did I ever reply to so and so?” Then you have a dream that you replied and your mind deletes that “to do” off your mental checklist – you don’t realize you haven’t replied until another triggering event occurs and you search your emails for what seems like hours looking for that email you sent. That email that is not there and was never sent. It has happened to me more often than I can count.

I digress. As I am heading out to meet the crew for happy hour, I receive a reply from RW to my email from 5 weeks ago: “see you at happy hour tonight?” [Insert title of this post here, but spelled out in all caps and bold]. I mean, had he never responded at all, I wouldn't have cared, but to respond 5 weeks later after a happy hour is already planned is just asinine.

I refrain from immediately replying with my sentiments and resolve to berate him publicly at the bar instead. But, wouldn’t you know it – he is there with his new girlfriend. A rather homely looking chick if you ask my opinion (his past girlfriends have been pretty cute, so not sure where he found this one). Being the sensible and mature person I am, I then focus my energies on everyone BUT him. Works just fine until he is leaving and decides to stroll over to say goodbye. He specifically congratulates me from across the group. I immediately threw my drink in his face and walked off with a huge smile on my face.

Okay, not really. That’s what I wanted to do, but instead I politely smiled, thanked him, and otherwise kept my trap shut for once. I had to resist the urge the entire way home to pick up my blackberry and reply to his email with “What the FUCK was that?!?!?!?” By morning, I was much calmer (i.e., sober) and glad I hadn’t replied. In fact, I think no response may make more of a statement – but it is definitely not as satisfying as a good old-fashioned ass-whoopin’! Maybe I’ll just dream that it happened that way …

Nightmares

2006-11-10T00:29:00.000-05:00

I have decided that I may be a DC metro man's worst nightmare:

1. I am extremely liberal, yet respect (and even expect) traditional dating values.
2. I hate seafood. Not allergic, just HATE it. The flavor, the smell, the THOUGHT. I can go to a sushi restaurant, but I just don't get the excitement.
3. I am the cat lady - or at least own 2 cats and love them dearly. I still consider myself a dog person, but am not willing to give up my boys for anyone.
4. Value my independence and expect my man to do the same without resentment.

Maybe I am asking too much but I refuse to settle for something less. I know that every relationship takes work and negotiations, but there are some things that should never be compromised. Never lose yourself in the search to find your partner...

Some things never change

2006-10-26T21:11:00.000-04:00

The bartender asked me out to dinner at Ceiba last weekend. Great place and the staff were phenomenal. But this isn’t a DC food blog …

He was already tipsy when I met him at the bar, which immediately put me slightly on edge. That was the one thing I could never handle about him – his inability to handle his alcohol. You would think a bartender would be the last person to get obnoxiously drunk, but not so in this case. Once we sat down to dinner, I encouraged him to eat as much as possible, but it didn’t seem to make any difference. By the end of dinner, he was well beyond tipsy and talking rather loudly. He managed to mention marriage (to me specifically) at least 10 times throughout the dinner and admitted that he made up some bogus story of finding my number transferring numbers to a new cell phone to have an excuse to call me again.

Against my better judgment, we went back over to the bar for one last drink. The GM of the restaurant was having dinner and was unfortunate enough to be exposed to my date. He managed to embarrass me, which is a big feat, I must admit – both of which was said loud enough for the entire bar to hear:

He told me I wanted to kiss the GM, which was pretty funny once the GM announced that he wouldn't be interested because I wasn’t playing on the right team.
He told the GM that we once dated (that’s a stretch) and that I broke up with him because he had a small penis (that’s not as much of a stretch).

Little does he know that I “broke up with him” because I can’t stand him after he’s been drinking. I thought I subtly implied such during dinner – making fun of him for the numerous booty calls years ago and mentioning that I never wanted anything to do with him we he came by wasted. But alas, men are not good at subtle hints, and I should have realized this.

As we were leaving, he said something rude to me. I honestly can’t remember what it was, but it wasn’t too serious because I was smiling to myself as I walked away to find my own cab home. It was just a good excuse to get out of the situation …

The 2nd Bar Exam

2006-10-12T21:29:00.000-04:00

Today I found out that I passed the bar exam! No, not the test to see who can drink more than the rest of the bar ... I passed that one YEARS ago. I passed the lawyer bar exam - I am officially an attorney!!!! So hard to believe.

Okay, now back to dating ... assuming, of course, any man in this town would be willing to date an attorney.

The Other Shoe Always Drops

2006-10-11T21:23:00.000-04:00

Things with Ron didn’t work out so well. Come to find out he is DEATHLY allergic to cats. The fact that he knew this but chose to come to my place anyway at first sounds admirable. But looking back, I am leaning the other direction – he knew he was allergic & that I had cats, but never said anything – a definite indication that he had no long term interest in dating me. Which is fine – like I said, he was a fun date! I contemplating keeping in touch with him for a close to home booty call, however ….

We are also talking to a couple other men, but nothing has solidified just yet. Still getting messages from Party Boy and the Bartender – somewhat surprisingly after Ms V and Ermmagirl sent the Bartender a picture of Ms V’s ass!! Soon after that, I received an invite to Paris … Ms V, you don’t give your ass enough credit!

Anchorman

2006-09-17T23:01:00.000-04:00

I knew exactly what I was doing. In fact, I even told him I knew his antics were a ploy to get me to go back to his place. I admit my naivety in many areas of my life, but not often when it comes to dating. But, I wanted him to smooch me as much as he wanted to get me somewhere private. It’s been a while since a good first kiss, and I was craving. Not to mention he was smart, cute, had a stable career and an awesome dog, but mainly he was a lot of fun. And he has a somewhat unhealthy obsession with Ron Burgundy. I think I’m in love. Okay, not really, but it was the best first date I’ve had in a long time.

After a few drinks, he discovers I haven’t seen Anchorman yet. After recovering from shock and horror, he suggests we go to his place to watch it. Conveniently, he owns the dvd and lives a couple of blocks away. Of course I refuse, pointing to the fact that I don’t even know his last name. Then he pulls the “I have to let out my dog anyway” card. I continue to refuse, but eventually give in.

He owns a nice condo in Georgetown, but since his roommate was home and sleeping, we couldn’t watch the movie in the living room – luckily, he had a tv and dvd player in his bedroom. He may as well have been Ron Burgundy himself! I made sure to mention to him that I knew what he was doing, and he best keep his hands to himself. He was a gentleman, but I still did give up a few (or a lot) of smooches. After the movie, he walked me back to my car and texted me to be sure I made it home ok (that whole mile).

We made plans for tonight, but he called to postpone until tomorrow. He wanted to postpone due to a hangover, and I agreed because I wanted to watch the skins play the cowboys. Based on past experience, I say this kid is too good to be true. I am skeptical, but I plan to have a good time until I find the deal-breaker. The report on date 2 will be up in a few days!

Stay tuned …

Out of the woodwork …

2006-08-09T00:24:00.000-04:00

In the past two weeks, I have been living reruns. College Boy, Party Boy, The Bartender and Prada have all initiated contact. The first three I can handle and actually would like to see – just to catch up. I am not interested in being more than friends with any of them – not that I know if they are trying for more or not. The attention is great, but somewhat uneventful. I have enjoyed catching up with old friends now that I have a little time on my hands. Because everyone else has asked recently, there are no dark horses in the running.

I am back on the online dating scene. Hopefully someone will be interesting (and interested) enough to result in a date. I have been proceeding slowly, but am looking forward to a little new social interaction. It has been a while since I have been on a date.

Stay tuned …

Retraction

2006-07-08T08:30:00.000-04:00

I am so NOT an asshole anymore in regards to boy #2 of my last post. Turns out that he has some seriously deep-rooted anger issues that he opts to self-medicate and occasionally take out on innocent animals. More specifically, he scared my darling niece (of the canine variety) so badly that she pissed herself at the sound of his voice. I am not sure what he did, but I do know that it was unacceptable. I now feel relieved that I never returned his call.

My niece is now shacked up with me for a few days until Ms V and her hubby's new dream home is completely renovated. All is well that ends well ...

Oops, I did it again ...

2006-06-25T18:46:00.000-04:00

Twice in one week, I found myself in a situation that, after looking back, makes me a complete asshole. Not because of anything I did, but because of what I have no intention to do later. These two men have not been so subtle about their attraction to me in the past. Not to the point of actually asking me out, but more on an attention level when we happen to be out in groups. I have had confirmation of my suspicions on both, so I’m not just being presumptuous. And I know I am not compatible with either and don’t plan to prove that fact by starting something that will inevitably end up disastrous. Considering that both are in my very close circle of friends, I shutter to think of how ugly something like that could be.

On both occasions, I had been drinking, so I didn’t want to drive home. Sensible yes, but I saw both situations coming way before my first beer. But yet, for whatever reason, I chose not to avoid the situation. No sex, no craziness, but definitely feeding the attraction and encouraging the behavior.

One I just know better than go there. Too many flashing red lights, and things I would want to change about him before he would be “datable.” All of us smart women know that is a deal breaker. Never go into a relationship thinking you can change him. You can’t. We will remain “just friends.”

The other? I am just completely not attracted to him. Not to mention he is a stiff tongue kisser – eeeewwwwww. I thought I would never meet that guy again after high school. Apparently, they still exist into adulthood. The future looks bleak. He mentioned several times before I left that we needed to hang out and that he’d call me. And he did. I haven’t returned the call yet. But I can’t decide which is worse: to call back and keep encouraging him until we inevitably go out, and I have to tell him that it isn’t going anywhere; call him back and tell him I can’t go out with him over the phone; or ignoring him until I will inevitably see him again with our friends.

Like I said, I am a complete asshole.

Transitions

2006-06-16T20:41:00.000-04:00

Has it really been that long since my last post?? Time seems to be flying these days. It will be over a week before I even realize I have entered the next month. Time is slipping away from me. But, considering the stress of studying for the bar exam, this is probably a very good thing.

This seems to be a period of transition. I have many friends that are in major transitions of their lives. Divorces, marriages, new homes, new loves, break-ups, engagements, babies, new jobs, new relationships, etc. Maybe that's just where I am in life. I will be "thirty-something" at the end of the month. Many people, including my mother, have told me about how great the thirties are: a lot of respect professionally, decent money,but relatively little responsibility. Considering this often comes from parents who have so much more responsibility than me, I have to think the next decade can only be fabulous. Most of the transitions are positive moves, whether or not they appear pretty on the face of it. No, they all are ... I believe that everything happens for a reason and as cliche as it is, what doesn't kill us, make us stronger. And better. People who have been handed everything on a silver platter all of their lives are shallow for a reason. Not saying that it is their fault, but I'm glad I am not one of them. No education, amount of money, or book learning can replace real life experiences.

And why exactly is Jason Priestly back on television? Ah, I digress ...

The dating scene isn't so blog-worthy these days. But I really am happier than I have been in years ... maybe ever. Life seems rather easy, and I think I have it easier than most - although I'm not sure my friends agree. I am lucky. I don't deny it. Yes, I work hard, but I also fuck up as much as the next, but for some reason, I still land on top. I think it is a matter of solid values. Not values that imposed on me by work, my parents, religion, society or anything else; but values that i TRULY believe in. It doesn't matter WHAT you believe, as long as you really believe it and live it. The people that have similar values will be attracted - it is that simple. How often do you hang out with people who don't have the same baseline values as you? Not saying that you aren't different from them or chose different options than your friends, but no matter what you guys click. I like to think that the reason I have the BEST friends EVER is because I am also a good friend. It works and no matter what, these people will be by your side forever - so chose wisely and don't just follow fads - good peeps are good peeps. The most miserable people are those who don't know themselves and only follow everyone else hoping to find something that works.

All of this lofty discussion actually has a point. I am a VERY happy single woman. I take care of myself, and I like it that way. Eventually, I want something more, but now, I really like where I am and who I am. And I am so glad that a relationship does not define me. I guess my fear is that am TOO happy here and have closed the door to any serious relationship with a man because of the effort required. Why fix something that isn't broken???

Well, if for nothing else, for the sex .... oh, and so I don't have to continue to hire a husband to do the work around the house! Well, not really, but I like to keep up the hard-ass facade.

Difficulties

2006-05-19T00:54:00.000-04:00

When did dating get so HARD? It is usually so easy, even if exhausting at times. CJG and I had planned to meet for a drink on a certain day, but then he vanished. I suggested a place to meet and I never heard back from him. It has been over 2 weeks. Who does that? I think he just earned his third strike .... I mean, if he was just hoping to get a yes from me, he obviously doesn't know me at all. It isn't all that difficult to get me to agree to meet for a drink ... I am rather easy on that request.

The Redhead is NOT a daddy afterall - blood tests confirmed. Not that I really care, but I was sooo curious. And I also had an instinct that it wasn't his, but he was SO determined that it was. He even bought stuff at Babies R Us. Are you serious? And he told me he was disappointed that she isn't his. Why would you want to bring a child into the world when the baby momma wants nothing to do with you? Seems like the right thing happened, if you ask me. Either way, he has become someone I want nothing to do with ever again.

Rep One is being somewhat distant. He left early last night from a gathering and we really haven't talked much at all outside of the random emails here and there. Not sure what I want, except attention, but something seems a little odd. It wasn't really awkward, just different. I guess we are all a little weird right now ... Graduation means serious life changes. Who can predict the future?

boy crazy

2006-05-13T00:18:00.000-04:00

i recently realized that i am some what boy crazy. i find even the most ordinary guy cute. not because i am desperate (or at least that is what i tell myself), but more because I am happy and seeing the best in everyone. I have always enjoyed men, but this is kinda fun. Hasn't been this way in a long time, and I like it. A lot of men are cute, and I can actually flirt unabashedly for the first time in years without embarrassment. Ahhhh ... so nice.

No real prospects to speak of, but I am having a good time and putting myself out there. We shall see where that leads ....

i heart vince vaughn

2006-05-05T23:40:00.000-04:00

the school crush had kinda disappeared from my radar for a while. we all hung out as usual, but really had kinda forgotten about it. liked the flirtations, but it was all in good fun.

then a large group of us went out for final drinks. we were done with 4 years of grueling law school classes, and it was time to celebrate at our usual watering hole. it wasn't really odd that we were left as the last two, somewhat typical. we walk out, and he offers a ride home, and of course i accept. metro v bmw? seriously people, who do you take me for?

anyway, nothing unusual until we arrive at my place. i gather my stuff and lean over for a thank you smooch on the cheek, and he moves in for a more substantial smooch ... and i don't resist (duh). I had a hard time not laughing at the situation considering the 3 year crush, but i finally decided i had to be a good girl and remove myself from the car. he did offer to take me home with him, but i resisted the temptation ... more because i was completely not prepared to be naked (i.e., haven't shaved in at least a week ... anywhere!).

hmmm ... .so where to go now. he thinks i'm not interested, and i wouldn't mind kicking that door open to see what happens. then again, i prefer not to go into the awkwardness stage and would prefer to forget it completely. so, i have decided to let things take their course. we'll see what happens ... or should i be more assertive? for such a confident woman, the doubts are always there in ever situation. i guess that is part of the fun.

Doh!

2006-04-23T23:15:00.000-04:00

It just dawned on me that the Redhead and I never laugh when we are together. We are compatible on a very basic level, but otherwise, we talk about very generic topics. And never laugh or really have fun with each other. I'm not sure why it took me this long to pinpoint the real problem, but leave it to studying for finals to make one think of something completely unrelated to the law. The problem is that there is nothing techinically WRONG, but there is nothing particularly GREAT either.

Pssht. I'm so over that one ....

lightning crashes

2006-04-23T01:51:00.000-04:00

back in college i had what i call a "steady hook-up". we never dated, but never had sex, either. just an unspoken understanding that if neither of us had our eye on someone else at a party, we would go home together. even after college we had a few run-ins. not as regularly, most likely because of his on-again, off-again girlfriend. i never asked their status, nor did he often provide the information. i let myself believe that if was seeking me out, then they were off-again.

that is, until the engagement. at that point, i had to face up to the fact that it was real. other than the fact that she once smacked miss v for no good reason, i really have nothing against her. she seems like a nice girl, but i really don't know her well.

i always made an effort to stay clear of the Stand-By while in serious relationships with others. i knew better of myself than to think that i could socialize with him with a few drinks and and not refuse his advances ... or at least be very tempted not to do so. i didn't want to put myself in that position, so i avoided it. he wasn't so careful and i have to admit that we had our moments while he was engaged.

to this day Stand-By and i are good friends. we talk regularly via IM and keep up with each others' lives to a basic extent. he has been married for several years and we haven't seen each other or "had relations" since the marriage. he tells me he completely abides by his vows. as his counselor, i make sure he realizes it is now a LEGAL obligation on top of a moral one. dontcha hate lawyers?

the other day he drops a bomb on me that i had been expecting, but thought i would know much earlier: he has a newborn little boy. i think it is great, but am shocked that i know nothing of it until a couple of months after the fact ... it isn't like you dont know that is on its way. in fact, i have asked MANY times if children were in the future and he always blew me off. (to his credit, once i confronted him, he swore he thought he told me and sent me a picture and told me all about him.)

then, a few days later, we get on the topic of my morals and ethics (as a lawyer).
Stand-By: don't worry... i won't sell you out when you run for DA
Me: ha! what do you have on me?
Stand-By: you shouldn't have to ask
Me: i can't think of anything illegal or repugnant that you know about ... hmmmm ... so, i drank to excess and made out with you - as far as i know that is all legal
Stand-By: "drank to excess". w ell played. you are good, b/c that was MY argument

but a few hours later (after he's had a few drinks):
Stand-By: for the record... as bad as i was... i should feel worse than i do. guess that makes me a bad guy. but i just wanted to let you know that i'm the bad guy... anyway... something i should have said to you a while back... not that it matters... but just in case
Me: no worries. what happened in the past is over
Stand-By: good... i won't lie and say that certain folks are good at making me feel different

For once, the Stand-By has taken me COMPLETELY off-guard and I have NO idea where he is coming from. I guess he has guilt afterall ... or someone is making him feel guilty. maybe it is fatherhood.

conservative republicans LOVE me

2006-04-02T08:43:00.000-04:00

why aren't the ultra cool, liberal types in to me nearly as much as the super yuppie conservative, working-for-the-man-and-liking-it types??? although i do enjoy the challenge on the first initial dates, in the long run we both know it just won't work. unless of course they want to pay off my law school loans while i providing public interest legal services to the less-fortunate around town for the rest of my life. told ya it would never work.

booty calls and daddy should never be in the same sentence

2006-04-02T08:36:00.000-04:00

alright, alright, alright! a new post for all you crazy kids. as you can imagine, it is tough to follow that last post, true? but for your entertainment, i will try!

i hadn't heard from the redhead much this week and thought maybe he was catching my very subtle hints of disinterest, but i was apparently wrong. he was all about the booty calls this weekend - tried both friday and saturday, but luckily i wiggled my way out of both. half of me wants to invite him on over and straight up dump him, while the other half of me doesn't have the energy to put forth the effort. Then again, it is probably much less energy than it will take to avoid his constant booty calls. (on the by and by, HE has labeled his own calls as booty calls!)

you just made me throw up a little

2006-03-20T22:13:00.000-05:00

Ever find out something about someone that completely changes how you see that person? Something so major that you can never go back to the way it was before you knew? You may want to sit down for this one. I wish someone had warned me.

After a movie and dinner, the redhead drove me back to his place and then dropped a bomb on me. Back in July, he slept with some random. A few months later, she tells him she is pregnant, and he is one of two possible daddies. She is now engaged to the other possible daddy and just wants the redhead to do a blood test when the child is born to determine if he owes her child support. Classy bitch this one is. The fact that he may have a child or that he slept with someone while we were most definitely on a break is not the issue. There are few things that really do bother me about this scenario:

While I was standing by my mother's hospital bed watching her suffer and eventually lose her battle with breast cancer, he is out bumping uglies with this tramp. No wonder he also forgot my birthday.
Not only is he fucking her, but clearly, he must have not been using a condom or there wouldn't be a real question as to whether or not he was a possible candidate. Had he found out he had a child from an act of indiscretion many years prior, I probably would not really care that much. We all make mistakes. But at 40-something, you'd think he would know better. It isn't like he drinks and can blame it on a stupid drunken incident. Is this chick so hot that he just couldn't control his primate male instinct to procreate immediately?!??!?
He finds out in October, but waits until March to tell me with ZERO warning after I am trapped at his place without a car. I am like the 15th or so other person in his life he told. I can't think of 15 people in my life I would tell until the test came back positive - which makes me think he is proud of his behavior. I can understand being proud of your child once you know it's yours, but to be proud of the fact that you may or may not be a dad of a child with a woman you randomly hooked up with 8 months ago? I'm at a loss.

I am not angry, which signals to me that I really don't have any substantive feelings for the redhead. Not that I have any technical right to be angry since we weren't exclusive or even together at the time, but the situation is just so wrong on so many levels that I would feel justified in being angry. But I'm not. My stomach dropped when he told me, and I was speechless, but that was more of shock than emotion. I may feel differently in a few days, but two days worth of processing the information has me nauseated at the thought of him (or maybe that is just a result of too many drinks last night). He will surely think my reasoning for breaking things off will be because I don't want children, but honestly, that has NOTHING to do with my decision. If I thought there was a future for us, a child would not be a reason to walk away, even for me. The decision will be the same whether or not he turns out to be a daddy.

spring is in the air!

2006-03-14T20:51:00.000-05:00

the trees are starting to bud and the warm weather is teasing us. everyone is in a great mood and excited to be outside basking in the warm sunlight. ahhhh ... flirting season is here! and in case i had forgotten to take notice, i've had a few reminders from the ghosts of dating-past.

party boy inquired as to my st patty's day festivity plans (i have none since i am running a 5K on saturday morning. BORING!)

the redhead has been contacting me much more regularly ... almost daily. tonight was an invite to do my reading at his house while he finished up some work himself. although inviting, i really need to get some stuff done tonight and i know better than to think it will happen over there.

and last, but certainly not least (in the entertainment category, that is), cranberry juice guy tracked me down on myspace. he left a very brief, but telling message: lookin' good! I will most definitely reply, but only after i am sure he has noticed that i have logged on and NOT replied yet. i don't call this blog dating games for nothing! besides, he always plays hard to get, but expects you to be at his beck and call. he will contact you when he wants to hang out, but not a minute (much less a day) before that moment. he calls it being spontaneous. i call it disrespectful, noncommittal and plain out lazy. but he is always good for a few laughs over a spontaneous beer!

cheap entertainment

2006-03-06T14:18:00.000-05:00

put a harness or collar on a cat that isn't used to wearing one. the cat will contort himself in ways that you could never imagine, and he will continue to do it until that damn thing is off! hours worth of cheap entertainment ...

Is it that obvious that my dating life is a bit slow these days????

i spy

2006-02-28T22:59:00.000-05:00

a man in a very pink oxford, metallic silver miami-vice jacket, light jeans and black loafers. I would have guessed him gay, but he did not have on a coat in 30 degree weather. A gay man would surely take the opportunity to wear a fabulous leather or fur coat. Maybe he was European ...

Baby , Be My Valentine

2006-02-14T19:03:00.000-05:00

Instead of spending Valentines Day having a romantic dinner with the man in my life (my cat), I am spending it in the delivery room with my sister. I really couldn't be happier about it. Well, I'd be happier if my niece would actually make an appearance tonight! I've been sitting here for since before noon. They aren't expecting things to start happening until after midnight! Ugh - no valentine baby after all! This whole baby thing is way too much anxiety for me, and I have to keep my wits about me because my sister is not the calmest person on earth (understatement).

But Where's the Guy I Thought I was Meeting?

2006-02-11T11:23:00.000-05:00

Go on a semi-blind date. We have pictures of each other and have emailed back and forth. He seems smart, witty, and funny. I am somewhat excited, but have been here so many times that I know the chances of greatness are slim.

We meet at the Science Club on 19th street. My first visit, and I definitely like the place. I grab a table and a glass of red that the bartender suggested - and it was a great suggestion.

My date arrives (we won't bother with a nickname since he did not gain blog name status), orders a glass of the house red wine after asking about the happy hour specials.

Note to the men: NEVER ask about specials on your first date!!!! It makes you look cheap, immature, and completely uncharming. You don't have to ask for the most expensive thing, but know what you want without asking what is on special.

We chat for a bit about basically nothing. At the decision point (i.e., empty wine glass), he offers to grab a bite. I politely decline using my school work excuse, but suggest one more glass of wine thinking maybe he would loosen up a bit after a second glass.

I would swear this is not the same guy I emailed with. He had almost zero social skills, no conversation starters and just plain out DULL! At the end of the date, I paid my half of the tab, and we went our separate ways.

Another note to the men: If you like your date, pay even if she offers to pay. Dutch is too platonic for a first date and indicates you are not interested.

Wow, even my dates are boring these days. Maybe I should stop dating lawyers.

sweetness

2006-02-06T23:19:00.000-05:00

The Redhead has a cold. Apparently I am coming down with something as well because I voluntarily offered to drive to his place after class and bring him soup! For anyone who knows me, this is MAJOR - I don't ever volunteer to do anything nice for a man unless I am getting something in return, I don't drive except on weekends, and I go nowhere after class. After I made the offer over IM, I couldn't believe my own eyes. Did I really just type that??? I think I need to drink more or something ... can't let it get around that I have the ability to be nice to men. My entire reputation is at stake!

retainer agreement

2006-01-23T13:03:00.000-05:00

Redhead - I didn't get call from you this weekend.

Me - Was I supposed to call you this weekend?

Redhead - only if you were interested in my services

Me - Well, I don't like to take advantage of a benefit.

Redhead - Didn't you know that I am on call? You call, I provide services in exchange for participation from you.

That is what lawyers call a retainer agreement.

double duty

2006-01-13T00:08:00.000-05:00

Earlier this week I met the work nerd for … tea? Who meets for tea in the 21st century? I am not a huge tea fan, but what the hell. Come to find out, he really isn’t a big tea drinker either! He is a really nice guy and the meeting wasn’t bad, just not exciting. He’s a little younger than me, but from Canada – may have to keep him in my back pocket in case I decide I need to head to the border one day …

Later that same night …

A booty call from the redhead. He is “in the neighborhood”. Sure you are. Not that I’m complaining, of course. From the very beginning of our ‘relationship’ the redhead has been urging me to invite one or more of my girlfriends to join us. He also suggested that we invite another couple to join us. When I used the excuse that I wasn’t aware of any of my friends that would be interested, he started looking at ads in the City Paper for places to meet people who would be. Soon after that things went downhill for me personally, and we really didn’t see much of each other. He has apparently picked up where we left off.

He wants us to go here:

WARNING: THIS LINK IS NOT WORK-SAFE!!!!
www.entrenousqueen.com/

This is a lifestyle club that allows only couples and single women to enter. It is supposed to be an upscale, club environment for people over 21. The average age is around 27-30. No sex, no nudity allowed, but “propositions” highly encouraged. Although he has definitely aroused my curiosity, I am not sure I am ready to go yet. I tried to tell him that the people would not be as glamorous as the website indicates. There may be a couple of hotties, but in general, the hotties will be paid by the club to be there.

Don’t get me wrong, I am open to new experiences sexually and otherwise – willing to try just about anything once. Maybe I am just not comfortable going with HIM. Or maybe I need time to get used to the idea – or, most likely, he just needs to catch me after a few drinks!

double standards

2006-01-09T00:49:00.000-05:00

why is it that women have few issues with loving on other women while men have to sit a seat apart in movie theaters? women in general are becoming more comfortable with their sexuality than men. men have always been the sexual predators, and all of a sudden things are changing. men are slow to accept change while women tend to roll with it much better. We like gay men, we like gay porn, hell ... we just like porn and could care less who is involved. Men are much more static in their preferences. Guys seem to think admitting that a guy is attractive or befriending a gay man immediately makes him homosexually-suspect.

I'd like to let all of you men in on a little secret: women like men who are tolerant and accepting of gay men. They are like our best girlfriends - you dis them, they convince us to dump you. That simple. Like it.

For example, a few of us women got together the other night, had way too many drinks and ended up smooching on each other. I think it may have been quite a spectacle at the bar, but we didn't really notice. It was fun, but I think it is more because we know the effect it has on men (i.e., attention), we also know that potential or current male dates encourage it, and there are no strings attached. Straight women can smooch on other women without any fear of repercussions. Double standard? It is about time one fell in our favor ...

Red Skinned Apple Tax

2006-01-09T00:31:00.000-05:00

The Redskins are in the playoffs, I passed my tax class, prince signed with a real record company, and fiona apple released a new album ... all in all, seems like it may be a crazy year of firsts in quite a long time. (okay, so fiona's album was technically released in 2005, but who really honestly noticed after a 6 year hiatus???).

Things are starting to feel normal again. Not that I am sure what normal is, but this will work. I don't feel too crazy. But then again, classes start in less than 12 hours for me, so I'm wondering how long that feeling will last. But I am purely enjoying the feeling for now.

The Redhead made an appearance last week ... just long enough to satisfy my cravings. He was cat-sick for the rest of the week. Poor guy. Not sure what he is thinking, but it was good to see him again on my terms. I like him when he's around and when I am talking to him, but don't really miss him when he is not. I think about calling him, but then I choose sleep instead. Is that an adult thing or a "i'm not really interested" thing? Maybe a little of both.

I'm still trying to work on that cold I've been fighting for several weeks ... ever since I got my flu shot, hmmmm. Not that I really think that has anything to do with it, but it is a rather fishy coincidence. Not to mention that I have probably had an alcoholic beverage (or 10) every day other than 2 since that time either, but what does that matter?

Although not one of those fanatic female football fans, if you're looking for me, i'll be at the bar chanting for the skins to beat the sheikh this weekend ... GO SKINS!!

still hanging in there

2006-01-03T13:46:00.000-05:00

my NYE was overall a great time. Just a few of us good friends together at my pad - lots of drinks, munchies, kisses and poker. Not surprisingly, the evening ended around 6am with lots of drama. Once sobered up, we are all doing just fine!

2005 has a been a slow dating year for me, but 2006 looks a bit more promising! not only do i have a "light" semester & graduate this year, but also a few dark horses are in the running and the Red Head has started making suggestive comments rather frequently recently. Is he willing to risk cat allergies and visit? we will see. i guess it is somewhat appropriate to end the year talking to him since i started it talking to him. Party Boy has made contact, but seemingly more of a friend thing. The Hottie is off the market currently, which is a damn shame - but admittedly for the best. SG and luckily the anonymous work geek & Rugby Boy were never to be heard from again. The Neighbor moved to Kentucky. The work nerd alert and I are making plans to meet for coffee or a drink soon.

I ran into the Vegetarian at a holiday party and had to struggle to leave the conversation - he was not going anywhere as long as I was willing to talk to him. Even my step-mom noticed!

My True Love is growing like a, well, kitten! And taught his brother to like beer, too!

The recent crushes are fading away quickly - out of sight, out of mind. #2 moved to a new floor in the building & I have only spent one evening with #1 since the original post. but alas, school is starting again in less than a week. stay tuned ...

chemistry

2005-12-27T14:33:00.000-05:00

Oops - I haven't written Nerd Alert (NA - seemingly appropriate initials) back yet. The email is sitting in my drafts. I can't come up with what to say.

Sure, I'd like that? Um, no.

How about you introduce me to all of your friends and then never try to talk to me again?

Or maybe it is just too late at this point to be anything but honest - I didn't really feel a connection with you ... I forget every time I agree to a set-up that inevitably one of us will reject the other. I guess that is until the "one" shows his ... uh, face.

So match.com has a new site called 'chemistry' which looks to be more like eharmony, but with the unique match.com cheese. you can't search & they send you matches & you say yes or no. on another side note, match has made it so you can't see the people who email you unless you subscribe - they finally caught on to the "you can hit me at 'sexyman' at y! dot com" trick. oh well, guess you gotta resort to the onion for free online dating. I think I'll just go drinking with my friends and hit up all the men for drinks ... much cheaper and usually more entertaining (as well as productive). Sometimes, it is even entertaining for the men.

Half a Glass

2005-12-21T17:44:00.000-05:00

So Nerd Alert from the company holiday party sends me an email today. He so intuitively observed that the "set-up" meeting was awkward (he unmistakably has a keen eye for the obvious) and thought we should meet under less pressure for coffee or something soon.

How am I supposed to respond to that? I am COMPLETELY not interested, but we really didn't get a chance to chat or whatever. So, if I say no, I look like a self-centered, pretentious bitch. If I say yes, I have to suffer through a coffee date that I have zero interest in having.

Tis the season for giving? Or is it better that I sacrifice looking like a complete superficial bitch in order to spare us both wasted time? Then again, if I try to see the glass half-full, I could possibly meet some new single folks at my job since I know very few there now. I guess I'll see what mood strikes me in the morning when I email him back.

Not such a prize

2005-12-15T21:24:00.000-05:00

no more faith in my boss's judgment on men. do i come off as that much of a geek? wow. he was nice enough, but nothing fantastic. and he left the table to get a drink and didn't ask if i would like something. my glass was empty within arm's reach of him. total turnoff. i don't mean to be superficial, but i consider that an important detail that indicates a man's attention to detail of a woman's needs and just simple manners.

Oh well, next???

holiday fun

2005-12-15T14:44:00.000-05:00

Tonight is the company's annual holiday party. I have been to very few social events with this company over the past year, but this one sounds like an event I shouldn’t miss. Not to mention, my boss wouldn’t let me out of it if I tried. She wants to introduce me to a guy that works here. She is all about setting me up on dates. I think I am the replacement for her daughter who is on the other side of the country currently. It is sweet in a way, but also a bit awkward. Also, I have a terrible sinus cold, so I’m sure right as she is introducing us, I’ll cough up a big hunk of phlegm. Men love that in a woman, right? Even if he allows that to pass and continues to chat with me, I am so doped up on meds, when added to wine, I am surely not able to hold anything resembling a socially-acceptable conversation ….

Crush

2005-12-08T15:30:00.000-05:00

It has been a while since I have had a “crush” on anyone. You know, that feeling you get about someone that just makes you giggle, and you don’t know why? I currently have 2 definite crushes. They seem to be popping up all over the place, and I can't control it.

Maybe “they” are right – when you aren’t looking is when they show up.

Whatever it is, I feel like a teenager. Can’t stop thinking about one or the other. One I have never even spoken to. New guy at work – sooooo cute and always smiles at me when we pass in the hallway. And, based on his resume, he’s pretty darn smart, too. Love that in a guy.

Guy #2 has a much longer history. Known him for quite a while, had a crush on him when I first met him, got to know him, got over it, and now it seems to be back. I hate to even admit it because I don’t WANT to like him, but I guess I can’t really deny it. I do my best not to give him any more attention than I would anyone else, but I have recently found that he is always around – conveniently wanting to do the same things I want to do ... and pay for it all, too. Grrrrr.

And apparently I am being “set-up” tonight. I guess more of a big happy hour and both of us will be there. I trust ermmagirl's judgment, so it should be interesting. I guess this means I’m back from my dating hiatus!

breathe

2005-11-18T13:56:00.000-05:00

I often have to remind myself to just take a few deep breaths and things will improve. I will get through all of the shit that life keeps throwing at me. To be cliche - that which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. And I am improving and each week seems to get better.

Why is it then that I haven't been able to stop crying all day? Luckily, I already had the day off, but I have wasted it listening to one song and crying instead of studying? Maybe if I had a voice or any creative writing talent, I'd be able to release all of this. I guess that is why I blog.

I never intended on this blog to be a "diary" of sorts, but it is definitely morphing into it. And it does help. For any readers that read for the funny dating stories, I must apologize for changing the mood recently. Once I pick myself and everyone else back up, I will hope to make up for it and "throw the cat around" a bit to quote miss v's hubby. probably not to the extent he means, but get myself out there on the dating scene again.

I hope writing now will help me to focus for the rest of the day on the things I need to do. Wish me luck!

Here are the lyrics to the song I can't seem to stop playing:

"Breathe (2am)" - Anna Nalick

2AM and she calls me cause I'm still awake
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season.
Yeah, we walk through the doors.
So accusing their eyes like they have any right at all to criticize
Hypocrites! You're all here for the very same reason.

But you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl so cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe

In May he turned 21 on the base of Fort Bliss
Just a day, he said, down to the flask in his fist
Ain't been sober since maybe October of last year.
And here in town you can tell he's been down for a while
but, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles
Wanna hold him
Maybe I'll just sing about it
. . . .

There's a light at each end of this tunnel
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out and these mistakes you've made,
you'll just make them again if you only try turning around

2AM and I'm still awake writing a song
If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd 'cause these words are my diary screaming out loud and I know that you'll use them however you want to

But you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl
so cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe . . .

SDB

2005-11-12T22:14:00.000-05:00

stinky drunk boys. aren't they fun? always. and they even remind you to change your sheets regularly. what is wrong with that?

oh, yeah, the fact that i am "old" . . .

i cannot be responsible for the sdb's that visit after i have too much wine. he calls, and it seems like a good idea at the time. we don't have or do anything sexual ... just argue, play su do ku, and drink. i like it. i just hope that i'm not being the asshole this time.

ms intimidation?

2005-11-08T09:15:00.000-05:00

sorry it has been a while since my last post. the personal life that has zero to do with my dating life (other than the fact that it prevents it) has been taking over recently. in fact, i broke down completely yesterday morning on my way to work, but luckily miss v talked some sense into me and i called in sick to work to finish up my paper. with a major first draft of my paper out of the way, i am feeling a lot better. 4 weeks and 1 day to go until the end of the semester. now i only have to learn two subjects in less than 4 weeks. pshht ... no problem!

i read an article on the post last night that made me ponder if maybe miranda was on the right track when she acted like a flight attendant instead of an attorney in order to get a date. granted, deception is not my strong point, so this is all hypothetically speaking. the article was about a local gay guy who has recently written a book for women, speaking as the gay friend all women need. the women who wrote the article met the author for drinks and he immediately said that although she should keep her standards high, she should not cross men who don't meet them immediately off the list. Miss Overly Critical, Miss Defensive and Miss Independent. Apparently, this behavior is either a complete turn-off to any man that she would have an interest in or she stops the relationship before it starts because they do not meet her high standards immediately.

Me? critical? nah....

Seriously, these guys DESERVE the critique i provide. if only they knew about this blog and could learn from it. maybe i am helping other men who see some of their own behaviors in my stories? okay, i admit it, this is purely for entertainment purposes!

so, i am thinking of changing my name from ms independent. any ideas?

how things change

2005-10-31T23:21:00.000-05:00

things are never as they seem. even from a close observer's point of view. people surprise me more often than i ever could have imagined. i think it is a good thing, whether or not it makes people feel good or not. a person should always be honest with how they feel instead of adhering to what others think they should feel.

what isn't good: that a close friend feels like they need to hide or be embarrassed of how they feel. your true friends will support whatever decision you make, and only warn you if they think it may cause serious harm or that you are just not thinking rationally at all. if your friends don't support you, who will?

You know who you are, and I am thinking of you!

wanted: cuddle buddy

2005-10-27T19:25:00.000-04:00

sometimes i just want to cuddle. the comfort like a warm blanket, but with a body attached. problem is that most men want to do more than just cuddle. what's a girl to do?

sleep with her friends' husbands of course! luckily my friends don't mind one bit. it is almost as perfect as having a gay friend - someone to cuddle who doesn't want to (or at least wont try to) have sex with you. problem is, they are not available very often.

isn't casual sex an option? you justifiably ask. always, but that takes away from the cuddle factor. you don't spoon casual sex - hell, you probably shouldn't let them stay the night. i'm looking more for the emotional comfort than the sex. but that just doesn't happen. you either have a fuck buddy or a boyfriend. although horny on occasion, the thought of a real life full-time sexual relationship pushes me over the edge i am so dearly trying not to get too close to. i want to skip all the bullshit.

*poof* you are in a long-term perfect relationship, and your man understands when you are sad and just want to cuddle. and he'll begrudgingly have sex with you at the most inopportune moment because you are FINALLY horny - don't blink, you'll miss the window.

but reality doesn't work that way. anyone offering free cuddling services with no strings attached? a slight possibility of sex, but it can't MEAN anything. no feelings involved. impossible. you are emotionally dependent on a cuddle partner, so as a result, you can't casually bump uglies with them, too. no matter what each person says or believes, one party will inevitably develop feelings and/or want more out of the situation.

i guess a kitten and a vibrator (mutually exclusive, for all you sickos out there) will have to do for now.

blink

2005-10-22T12:30:00.000-04:00

life can change in a blink of an eye. i often complain that my social calendar gets booked in a blink of an eye without me doing anything. not that i should ever complain of such "problems". It is nice to know that people want you around. I wouldn't survive otherwise. It is just inevitable that everything you WANT to do happens on the same weekend or week. Although not something to complain about, it is overwhelming sometimes ... whether you just want to be there or whether you feel bad for not showing up. Fortunately for me it is the former, but that makes the decision making a lot harder.

But then things change ...

priorities can shift upon the hearing of certain words: 'i love you', for example changes everything you've known in a relationship. Unfortunately, so does 'cancer', without all the fun romance involved. that word was recently muttered (again) by my mother. my priorities dramatically shifted instantaneously. i suddenly have no interest in my dating life, only my family and close friends. she didn't deserve to go through this again ... and truth be told, i didn't want to watch her go through it either.

how exactly does a woman defeat breast cancer for 9 years, and it suddenly reappears in every bone of her body without any warning? it just doesn't seem right. and it isn't fair. luckily, she didn't have to suffer long, but i think the lightening speed of the entire thing made me go numb. which clearly helps get through all the bullshit, but what happens when you start feeling again?

i wasn't ready for it, but I tried to put up a facade of strength for everyone else. and myself. the mind has a way of believing whatever you tell it. if i can keep telling myself i can get through all of this, the last year of law school, and the legal job search from hell, maybe i really will pull it all off. only time will tell, but some mornings i think i deserve a gold medal for just getting my ass out of the bed and in the shower.

The P Factor

2005-10-19T23:11:00.000-04:00

When was the last time you considered the promiscuity of anyone? High school, maybe college, but after a certain age, that "judgment" seems to disappear as irrelevant. Especially in reference to your friends. Really, at this point, who cares? Does anyone really care whether you smooch on every boy you meet, throw the cat around every week, or wait until marriage? If they do, they are not your true friends. Obviously, we all care about our friends and would be concerned if there were a health, mental, emotional or other issue that needed addressing. But if someone chooses to have sex with a new guy every week purely because she enjoys uncommitted sex, isn't that okay as long as they are careful and use protection? To each their own, I say.

A person's P factor should not be relevant. If you think it is, take a good look at yourself. It is probably a result of your own insecurities. Of course, none of us agree on everything or behave the same way or have the same values, but we also have no business judging anyone else.

Life is too short for that nonsense.

Sadness

2005-10-10T00:02:00.001-04:00

Sadness is all around: tsunamis, hurricanes, terrorist attacks, subway bombings, earthquakes. according to my step-mom, so is the end of the world (aka, the coming of Christ). these events are all prophescies predicted in the bible, dontcha know? Has not EVERY generation thought and said that?? Oh, but no, this is ACTUALLY it. Thanks for playing. I try to explain to her that I just do not believe the same as she does, but she cannot see past her faith. It is unfortunate because otherwise, we are basically on the same page.

Funny story: having a relatively calm conversation about relaxing with my step-mom. Mention that I watch 'Will & Grace' on thrusdays for a laugh. They haven't watched tv for over 10 years and haven't a clue. I explain - BIG mistake. Make light of a sinful behavior??? Ugh. I try to explain that it is important to make light of a behavior that many Americans find reprehensible in order to defeat discrimination, but I end up in a conversation about how we all are sinners and need God to lead us to the correct path. I lost it.

My step-mom surely thought I was about to admit I was gay: I am a very strong advocate for gay rights; I am single at 30 and have no desire to have children. Much to her disappointment, I confirmed that I like men and that I thought it would be much more complicated to date women. I guess that livened the mood a bit, and we moved on to a new conversation. And then the phone rang ... damn, so much material just lost on a moment. My dad had left the scene so much earlier -- wonder where I got my dislike of confrontation?

wine drunk

2005-10-09T23:47:00.000-04:00

yes, i am wine drunk.

wanted to blog.

went to my sisters shotgun "wedding" this weekend. it did go VERY well. i was surprised. my crazy, dependent, drug-addicted, prego, unemployed alcoholic, bipolar sister is married. Hmm, maybe my standards are not as high as I thought they were. She married Forrest Gump. He is the sweetest man alive, but not a smart man. I fear for their children (the first of which is scheduled to show up in March). I will be a good aunt - i promise.

A good sister? Different story. I want to smack her back into reality so often it may eventually kill her - if she could ever live long enough on her own. She just does not get it (bless her heart; she means well; yadda, yadda, yadda). Puffing on her cig, wondering why all of a sudden i give a crap about her smoking habits. Where exactly have you been for the past 20 or so years?????

Don't ya love your family? Not a god-damned thing you can do about them - they are stuck with you for life.

thanks for playing

2005-10-06T17:54:00.000-04:00

partyboy: whatcha' doing this weekend?
me: not sure yet
partyboy: wanna do something?
me: no, but thanks
partyboy: nice answer ... lol!

hopefully never to be heard from again. ahhhh ...

it's almost getting lonely these days now that i have managed to make my suitors tired of turn downs from me. i have plenty to keep me occupied through january or so, though. but that makes this blog rather blah, doesn't it? politics is just too boring to blog about (no offense to all you dc politics bloggers - i just don't have the interest to compete with you!); school is just boring to non-lawyers and even most lawyers; work, well, i know better than to blog about work (we've all heard of the termed "dooced"). so, that leaves me with very little to blog about. not that i think i am boring, but aren't blogs in of themselves a type of ego indicator? i mean who are we that we think we are interesting enough that ANYONE would want to read about OUR lives, thoughts, or opinions on anything?

Human nature being what it is however, people are nosy and want to know what everyone else is doing. Those of us willing to share are purely the providers of the gossip - straight from the horse's mouth so to speak.

SO, i'll take one for the team, and i'll try to go whore myself out a bit more often for you people. am i not a teamplayer?!?!?

top five

2005-09-30T11:41:00.000-04:00

So, apparently the writers of Forbes are not reading my blog (not surprising). Nor are they dating in DC (again, not surprising). They ranked DC 5th in the nation for city with the best single life. If this is true, I better start looking to relocate in one of the top 4 cities ...

http://www.forbes.com/2005/07/25/singles-best-cities_cx_05sing_0725land.html

the secret to men

2005-09-16T16:07:00.000-04:00

I have finally discovered the secret to dating men:

IGNORE THEM . . . A LOT!

Treat them as you would if you did not have interest in them for anything more than friends. Men want what they think they cannot have. This theory is the basis for that stupid rules book, but they take it much too far.

Keep it simple, like men. Don't call them back, don't reply to their emails and text messages, and don't accept their invitations. Obviously, you must do some of those things every so often to keep them interested, but it really takes about a half of a percent of effort. Problem is, women don't act like that -- they have guilt or feelings of obligations to return a call. Unless of course the woman is not that interested.

That's where I am currently. Not that interested and can't get the redhead or party boy to stop contacting me. Maybe I should start calling them several times a day, along with sending text and email messages. Then I will give them mushy cards, talk about marriage and kids, and talk about what we will do for New Years. I say less than one week of that behavior, and I would be hard-pressed to hear from either again. But that takes so much more effort ... although it would be great for entertainment value.

Please tell me I don't sound as much like a guy as I think I do!

2005-09-10T14:02:00.000-04:00

Look ma, i like beer too!
Posted by Picasa

now this is news

2005-09-09T16:39:00.000-04:00

Science made a very profound discovery this week:

“[W]hen it comes to achieving orgasms, women are more affected by mood, self-esteem and other issues of the psyche than men.”

If you don’t believe me, here’s the link:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/09/05/AR2005090500761.html

Hey, thanks for the news flash, brainchild! Where the hell have you people been? Obviously not having sex with a woman. You could have saved yourself a few million dollars of research and just picked up a copy of Cosmo. Even better yet, you could have just asked a few women. If it isn’t just those nerdy scientists that didn’t realize this, it isn’t any wonder so many women do not enjoy sex.

Get with the program people.

off topic

2005-09-02T09:54:00.000-04:00

i know that this post has very little (if anything) to do with dating, but i want to remind everyone to donate to a charity asap. whether or not you donate to the red cross or other organization that is directly helping the Katrina victims, charities of all types are going to be affected by this disaster. just by pure numbers alone, i know that some of the victims statistically must have serious diseases and cancers, heart disease, HIV/AIDS, and other major health issues. The state of poverty, despair, and utter chaos is going to magnify the existing health problems and add many, many more. Not to mention that there are more poor, homeless, hungry, illiterate children and adults than anyone can imagine and this problem will have an impact on generations to come. People are dying everyday because not enough is being done. We can't all be there obviously, but PLEASE contribute in any way you can. Even $1 will help buy a baby food or water. If you absolutely cannot afford to give, please give blood or volunteer somewhere that is shipping supplies, etc.

The Post has a list of reputable charities, as does FEMA. Also, PetsMart is taking donations to care for the animals that have been abandoned or lost (thanks to ms J for that info). If you need a little incentive, United Airlines is offering 500 bonus miles to people who contribute to three chosen organizations. Pick one or 10, and do it TODAY.

I'll step off of my soapbox now ...

meat in a can

2005-08-30T22:01:00.000-04:00

sorry about the blog comment spam. you will now have to use word verification in order to post a comment. hope you kids can deal with it.

reverting to buttercup

2005-08-29T22:35:00.000-04:00

remember back in high school and college when it was acceptable, almost expected that you smooched on boys in your close friend circle? unless you are on a tv sitcom, this behavior does not seem like a smart move once you are past a certain point in your life. not that i know exactly when that point was. and apparently, i either haven't moved past it or have chosen to ignore it. nah, i think it is the alcohol. and the fact that i know it isn't smart. and maybe just because everyone keeps telling me it isn't a good idea.

i think he's been looking for this opportunity for a while, got lucky that i have decided to binge drink the past week, and he happened to be there flirting.

lucky for me, my friends sent me and him in opposite directions saturday night. ermmagirl is the queen of cockblocks. i was so hammered that i hit my head on my bathroom tile floor and now have a bruise on my eyelid! glad purple eyeshadow is back in style this year ...

and you thought i would grow out of this behavior!

diet dr pepper

2005-08-25T12:44:00.000-04:00

I stroll into work one day to find an unopened diet dr pepper bottle on my desk. Underneath the bottle is a note:

Thought you would enjoy this. Have a good day. –M

Who is M? Who knows I like diet dr pepper? Hell, who knows me at all at work? People I see around the office flash through my mind, but for the life of me I cannot recall one whose name begins with an M. It occurred to me that I shouldn't take a drink from a stranger -- much like what your parents tell you when you are little at Halloween. But lord knows, I've taken more than that from a stranger at a bar without even knowing the first initial of his name. So, I said fuck it and drank it.

A bit later, I get an email from a hotmail account. The sender’s name comes up as “M****** L********” and the address is something random and nondescript. M says he likes my new hair color and hopes I enjoyed the drink. I thank him and ask if I know him.

No, but he has seen me around. Am I interested in lunch sometime? Does it bother me if he is younger than I am?

No, you freak, it bothers me that you know who I am, have access to my office, know my email address, know how old I am, know what I drink, but will not tell me who you are or ask me out like a normal person. I wonder who he is, how he knows how old I am, and if his balls are visible to the naked eye. I vote no considering he actually thought this was an acceptable way to approach a woman. I didn't bother to reply this time. Thanks for playing, but no. I like my men with spines. He may as well have had a friend pass me a note during homeroom:

Do you think M is cute? Circle one: Yes, No or Maybe

stage 5 clinger

2005-08-19T09:42:00.000-04:00

went out with rugby boy a few nights ago. i now realize why i wasn't all that excited about him in the first place. he is a doormat. he is the epitome of "too nice."

and needy

we had drinks and a small bite. i begrudgingly accepted his invite to go to Iota for one more drink. he then offered to ride in the cab with me "to see that i got home safe." i made it perfectly clear that i was tired, drunk and not interested in having him come back to my place. so, of course, he did just that. he said it was so he could "sober up" and then drive home. please.

so i did what any reasonable girl would do: i excused myself to the bathroom and never came back.

the fact that i was curled up on my bed asleep in my clothes should have been clue number 653 that i was not interested, but alas, he decided that i needed to be held, and he curled up beside me!! when he FINALLY left in the morning, i didn't even see him out. just let him leave.

the doormat has no self-respect. he is still sending me text messages and emails. he told dragonfly that he thought i was sad. how about not interested, buddy???? get a clue.

chipotle

2005-08-16T23:12:00.000-04:00

For the second tuesday in a row, the redhead has called from chipotle in my neighborhood to see if he should deliver my a burrito. pun fully intended. last week i said no. tonight i was hungry.

(pms rules ALWAYS)

I ate the WHOLE thing, and it was good. But, alas, no sex. Barely even a kiss. Not sure what is going on, but he is obviously still interested. He came over even after I told him about my new love. he is extremely allegeric, but still willing to try. sucker.

my new love

2005-08-16T23:01:00.000-04:00

it has finally happened. i am totally and completely in love. i am so unashamed that i am willing to post a picture of him without fear. ain't he just purely irresistible???

forgetful

2005-07-09T20:24:00.000-04:00

I received a voicemail today from the redhead checking on me since he hadn't heard from me in a while. He also threw in a casual mention of my birthday, that he knew it was coming up, and hoped he hadn't missed it. Too late, buddy, it was 2 weeks ago!! What a fool. I didn't let him in on it, though. Just left him a return message that I was still in Roanoke and wasn't sure when I would return.

Got a message from Rugby Boy asking me to go to a Nats game. Too bad I'm in Roanoke, I would have loved to go ...

Party Boy is still hanging in there. Called the last 2 weekends in a row to see if I wanted to do something. The impressive part is that I haven't called him back, and he keeps calling. Either he is persistent or just an idiot (most likely). He calls 4pm the day he wants to go out. Sounds like a "plan B" to me. No thanks.

birthday fun

2005-06-28T00:13:00.000-04:00

It is my big day. My thirtieth birthday. Can you believe it? I can’t. My friends freakin’ ROCK!!! Gifts, a cake in the shape of a cosmo (pink cake too!), balloons, dinner, drinks … you name it! I even had a birthday princess headband and wand. Love them.

Let us not forget the cake men … many of them. Yummy!!! I guess they are right, I am a man-eater! They are irresistible!

I am not so distraught about leaving my twenties. More about entering adulthood. I am hoping I can still get away with the same shenanigans that I have for the past few years of my life. What else is there exactly?

I’ve had a few too many drinks tonight, so I need to head to bed now. Maybe I’ll run by McDs in the morning just for fun. Haven’t done that since I’ve been 30. Oh, I suddenly see a whole new world of new beginnings in front of me!!!!

Effort

2005-06-21T14:09:00.000-04:00

I am starting to get hate messages warning me to blog or else, so here it is. I have put myself on somewhat of a dating hiatus. Not that I'm not communicating with men about possible dates, but just not really following through on them. I have reached a state of apathy currently.

Will he call? Hell, who cares? Not me.

If he does call, often I wait days to return the call if I do at all. Or hope that he is calling to cancel a tentative date.

Just seems like it takes SO MUCH EFFORT these days, and I'd rather hang out with my girl friends (and of course their fabulous beaus). Apparently, though, I am not alone with this feeling. Fish, my favorite blogger, is having a similar experience: http://thisfish.com/Archives/000981.html

Hopefully this notion will pass soon enough or this blog will have to be laid to rest ... and we just can't have that!

see? it isn't just me ...

2005-06-07T09:54:00.000-04:00

when i received this today, i had no choice but to post it. i mean, an article about about dating in DC? how appropriate ... enjoy someone else's perspective here for once!

From George Magazine...
By Ann Coulter

The really appropriate setting for writing an article about dating in the nation's capital would be home alone in my D.C. apartment on a Saturday night. By chance, however, I'll be in New York this weekend. By chance, I've been in New York every weekend for approximately the previous 147 weeks, give or take a few shuttle mishaps. But since all my stuff is in D.C., I do have to drop in occasionally. Consequently, I've become a minor authority on dating in Washington. Maybe not on dating exactly but one crucial element of any date: "the ask." Boys in Washington don't know how to ask for a date. What they do is try to trick you into asking them for a date. They say, "I know you're really busy, so call me when you'd like to go out to dinner" or "Call me when you're back in Washington" or, my favorite, "Are we ever going to get together?" What are you supposed to say to such completely insane things? I've never figured that out, which is why these conversations tend to end in hostile silences.

"Call me when you'd like to go out for dinner" isn't asking for a date; it's asking me to ask you for a date. For male readers in Washington, asking for a date entails these indispensable components: an express request for a female's company on a particular date for a specific activity. Oh yes, and the request has to be made to the female herself. Roughly once every two weeks, I get a woman on my answering machine asking me if I'd like to go out with some dumb-ass male friend of hers who's too afraid to call me himself. (For those outside Washington, I'm not kidding.)

This isn't a screeching, hate-filled, anti-male screed. It Is a screeching, hate-filled anti-D.C. screed. There's no large sociological point about relations between the sexes here. It's Washington. I know this, because while D.C. males are on my answering machine with vague announcements that they've called, I still get messages from boys in New York saying, for example, "I have tickets for the opera next Friday. Would you like to go?" Males in every other city know how to ask for dates. So it's not me; it's not feminism; it's not the millennium. I've begun aggressively inquiring of every female I come across:"Pardon, but have you noticed that boys in Washington don't know how to ask for dates?" The consistent response has been a raft of stinging denunciations too numerous to catalog here. If I were asking something preposterous, like "Say, have you noticed all the alligator carcasses in the street lately?" I wouldn't be getting such emphatic affirmations every time. Recently, I asked a female on Capitol Hill about this, and she said right off, as if I were a psychic, "We were just talking about that on Saturday night!" She had been discussing it in a mixed crowd and reported that the boys began hectoring the girls-C'mon, this is the twentieth century. You're modern women; you can ask for dates. I asked her if waiting for women to ask them for dates had worked for these guys. No, they just sit around with friends, year after year, waiting for their theory to play out. This is also how government programs are conceived and tested, so it makes perfect sense that only in Washington are males still waiting for action on the no-ask dating plan.

In fact, the incapacity of the D.C. male to request a date is the perfect synecdoche for this whole pathetic city. There is a total absence of normal civilized conventions in Washington. The customer is always wrong, the cabs don't have meters, and complete strangers ask for the sports section of your paper on the subway. In every real job I've ever had, it was a convention for the boss to give a Christmas gift to the people who work for him. In Washington, minimum-wage staffers take up a collection to buy Christmas gifts for the senator and chief of staff. There's a reason boys asking for dates is a convention of civilized society.

First, someone's going to have to face rejection. It may as well be the aggressive, testosterone-pumping, hunter male. Speaking for myself, I'll take 69 cents on the dollar (or whatever the current feminist myth is) never to have to ask for a date. But the whole point of this convention is to reduce, if not eliminate, the need for rejection anyway. The entire dating system runs on implicit understandings. If the hunter male doesn't like a girl, he doesn't call. That's the end of it. If the hunted female doesn't like the boy, she's unavailable without a good excuse three times in a row. No explanations, no hurt feelings. When you start fiddling with a centuries-old system like this, you're just asking for trouble. If you can't operate by covert signals, you're going to get horrifying, misery-inducing explanations.

Second, no one makes any money in D.C. From this, I deduce that young men should make loads of money. There may be grating aspects to 20- and 30-somethings earning kazillion-dollar bonuses, but at least wealth gives them the self-confidence to ask for a date.

Third, TV is reality in Washington. Restaurants close at 8 P.M. A few really, really late-night places stay open until nine or 10, but even these sometimes close unexpectedly at eight. (In addition to being always wrong, the customer is an impediment to the serious business of Washington, which is watching TV.) So everyone is home watching TV all the time. Like many New Yorkers, I never had a TV, but I got one when I moved to Washington. The peculiar thing about watching TV after a long lapse is that you are actually aware of TV changing your perception of reality. I've started subconsciously associating men of the cloth with murderous Nazi conspiracies, for example. I've got a million more television-induced perception shifts, but the relevant one here is that females are invariably the sexual aggressors on TV. The typical romantic overture on the small screen is boy meets girl, girl drops dress. TV hasn't ruined me yet, though. My romantic fantasy is still this: Girl meets moving-company guy, girl moves back to New York.

what the hell?

2005-06-06T21:34:00.000-04:00

the last i spoke to the redhead, he asked if the fact that his match.com profile was still up was an issue. well, he didn't really ask, he just said he hoped it wasn't an issue with us. he hoped that wasn't the reason my profile was active again and causing the awkwardness between us. his profile is always active when i do look at it, which i don't do that often. but tonight, i felt compelled to look at it. his profile hasn't been active in over 5 days. is he trying to say something to me, or is it just a coincidence? i definitely do not think the latter, but not not so sure about the former.

six feet under is on tonight. is it odd that it makes me so happy? it hasn't been on in so long. it makes me feel somewhat normal. maybe because all of the characters are so completely nutty, i seem sane. i love that show ...

the talk

2005-05-31T22:00:00.000-04:00

i was all geared up to end it with the redhead tonight. then he called and brought up the recent awkwardness himself. completely caught me off-guard. that's not playing fair at all. did i go through with it? of course not. i don't like talking about these things over the phone, so i didn't say much of anything. besides, i wanted to hear what he had to say about "us". he thinks things are often good, but sometimes extremely awkward. i've been feeling more of the latter myself.

he did bring up the fact that my profile is updated on match. the thought of us being an actual couple made me think. did i want that with this guy? my answer is no. we don't really click, and it isn't all that natural when i'm with him. it feels forced. when i felt him trying to get closer, i pushed back. i activated my online profile again. i broke dates with him or made other plans before he could ask. i don't think i have a fear of commitment, just a fear of commitment with him.

we will both be out of town this weekend, so we agreed to discuss the issue later. i will go in with an open mind and see what happens ...

memorial day

2005-05-27T12:18:00.000-04:00

Memorial Day weekend. Seemingly appropriate that I do a little memorial of my so-called dating life. It has been admittedly slow, but I do blame only myself for that since I have been pretty much avoiding it. For example, I am heading off for a girls’ weekend today, but thought I would check in and update since I have been so slack recently.

The redhead is still dangling by a thread, but I am thinking that is over. He is trying to be sweet, and it is annoying me. A sure sign that I am just not into him. Considering his age, I feel as though it is only right that I let him know and move on to find someone else. He is probably getting to a point in his life when he’d like to settle down. Not that we have discussed it, but I’m willing to make the assumption. Otherwise, I really don’t mind hanging out with him, and he isn’t inhibiting my social or dating life in any manner, so it wouldn’t be of concern.

The Party Boy still makes an appearance (by phone) every so often. I haven’t seen him since our first adventure, but we keep talking about making future plans. I am definitely not into him, but he is all about having fun and pays for everything, so what the hell?

A new boy entered the picture a couple of weeks ago. He is a friend of dragonfly’s and seems to be very nice. Almost too nice, but I haven’t gotten a chance to get to know him yet. He’s been traveling, and I have had prior plans on any of his free days. I guess we’ll work it out eventually. I haven’t come up with a proper behavior-appropriate name for him yet, but let’s call him Rugby Boy until I know more …

The SG has not been in touch in months. Too bad, he was pretty cool for a while. That being said, I didn’t really feel a real spark with him either, so it is probably for the best. If he did decide to contact me again, there would definitely be no hard feelings. I easily could have contacted him, but didn’t bother either. Again, probably pretty telling.

Hearsay

2005-05-22T03:27:00.000-04:00

Hmmmmm … what is the value of gossip? Is it merely to make us feel like we are the one in the know or is it to make ourselves feel better about ourselves because we are not doing whatever the person we are talking about is rumored to be doing? Hard to tell. It is probably a different motivating factor depending on the gossiper and the gossipee.

My only thought after an entire semester of the laws of evidence is that there is a distinct reason why hearsay is not allowed as a form of evidence in most cases: it is unreliable. There are too many variables affecting the truthfulness of the statement. Seems logical, but yet we all typically cave for any gossip a person can provide us. We are all more than willing to believe just about anything we are told even if we know that it is purely based on a speculation or completely innocent event or conversation.

I feel as though I may have gone on this tangent before here, but I cannot find evidence of it. If it is a repeat, I apologize. What leads me to this conversation is that the Party Boy has quite a reputation with his group of friends. He is known to know how to have a good time (take as many inferences as you can – I mean all of them). He may or may not be able to legally justify his income and expenditures. I didn’t really hang out with him enough to confirm anything, but I was well-warned. I decided to just go with the flow, but do so with my eyes and ears wide open. Nothing implicating anything extremely strange or even slightly illegal was ever mentioned while I was out with him. Maybe he was just being careful considering my education area or maybe the rumors are merely just that and nothing more.

I admit though, typically rumors and stereotypes result from some legitimate fact, whether it be misconstrued or exaggerated. These stories come from his frat brothers … maybe he was young and dumb, and he has changed his ways. Or maybe I should stay away. Doesn’t really matter in this case because I’m not interested … thank God I don’t have to find out!

public appearances

2005-05-22T03:00:00.000-04:00

What exactly does it mean when the person you have been seeing makes a public appearance with your friends? Is that an automatic sign of intent to be more or merely a test to see if that person could be more? I ask only because the redhead made a very voluntary, unsolicited public appearance a couple of weeks ago. I was out with the usual crew having the usual “one drink” that had turned into an all night affair. He called and decided he was going to pick me up there and then we would hang out. As I’ve mentioned before, he is not a drinker, so it was a bit odd for him to try to mix with my very tipsy crowd. He held his own, but I resorted to literally hanging on my pseudo boyfriend Chris (Miss V’s fiancée), instead of hanging with the guy that was there to see me.

Do I have a fear of commitment? I think not. I think I only am not thinking of this guy as more than a fuck. Excuse my bluntness, but I’m trying to be honest here. He’s a nice guy, but there are no sparks going off with him. I enjoy hanging out with him, but he is not a long-term type of thing that deserves my friends’ attention. I don’t really mind the fact that they met him, especially considering the fact that they may be beginning to think my entire dating life is a sham because they never meet any of these guys; but it just doesn’t seem worth all the effort to try to mesh those two worlds until I know it is right. Or at least somewhat more worthy.

I often long for the guy that requests to hang out with my friends because he realizes how important they are to me, but at the same time, I am cautious of who I am willing to expose to that part of my life. My friends are the most important thing in my life and also the gatekeepers of my most intimate secrets. To expose an outsider to this relationship is of the most utmost seriousness to me. I know I definitely put way too much importance on this innocent maneuver, but for whatever reason, it really means a lot to me.

Maybe I should take a hint: this is most likely NOT the right guy!!!!

taco tupee

2005-05-22T02:18:00.000-04:00

okay, so i've received many complaints about my recent hiatus from the blog. to be honest, it isn't by choice. i love to blog and tell you all what is going on in my dating life. i have just been crazy busy. who would have thought that i would be more busy after finals??? i have the best social life and the best friends EVER, i cannot deny that fact. as much as i love my laptop, the temptation to go hang out with friends and have drinks on a nice day outside wins ever time. at least i am not THAT much of a cybergeek...

but, let's catch up:

the girls and i were discussing the possible benefits of a brazilian bikini wax (and the permanent laser option as well) and we came to the discussion of what if you decided to permanently remove too much hair?!?! the obvious trend recently is to go completely BARE, but what happens when that trend changes and you've chosen the laser route??? Is there a possible market for taco toupees? Will that be socially acceptable or will women have to get plugs and hope for the best? If so, will they stay in place during THE activity???? How exactly would you keep them in place?? Or is it a done deal and men will just have to deal with what they thought was sexy during this time for the rest of their lives? Maybe this serves them right, but who actually is the victim in this situation? No doubt, the man will be the one to invent and market the taco toupee. And no doubt they will profit from it beyond all sense of reasonableness. I mean, look at the high heel. Whoever thought that would be as popular as it is??? They hurt, they are uncomfortable, they cause long term back problems, but yet, men love the look and therefore women wear them and long for the best version they can create. I admit that I prefer them over flats any day.

Sexual brainwashing.

so many questions. As for the pubic hair question, I think I'll choose to stick to a temporary solution to the trend and only do a permanent option for the always unwanted area (i.e., bikini). isn't exciting to be a female??? so many things to debate....

binge and purge

2005-05-16T14:58:00.000-04:00

well, folks, since we last saw our fearless leader, she was finishing up finals, heading to gold cup, then off to cancun mexico with the law-school harem. although there have been many adventures demanding blog attention, our heiress has been a bit under the weather the last few days with a rather severe case of, um, lets call it food poisoning. none of us know the true nature of this wretched creature that encompassed the bowels of ms independent, but it did not treat her with kindness and has made her life rather uncomfortable.

fear not, kids! she is gradually on the upswing and will most definitely bounce back in just a short time. she will be sipping on margaritas, cosmopolitans, stellas and rum drinks again in no time flat. not only does this give her much more ample opportunity to find some fine young men to blog about, but it also provides much entertainment for everyone participating in the festivities. belly up to the bar my friends while we wait for MsIndy to recuperate fully (a few toasts in her honor could never hurt either) ... we have quite a few stories to tell to bring us up to date!

who am i??

2005-05-02T10:25:00.000-04:00

i was soooo wrong about myself.
i really am evil.
possibly bezlebub himself.

i give into temptation, and the buffet is full of it as we well know. saturday it was a text message from Party Boy (the one from the wedding reception). The name is appropriate, but I'll leave that for another post. He suggests a low-key dinner study-break, and I go for it.

SUCKER!

Soon after that, I receive a surprise call from the Redhead who wants to bring me Starbucks while I'm studying. (Everyone together now: "Awwwwwww"). Who could resist that? Not ms willpower herself. Unfortunately, he wasn't on his way, and was coming by my place in an hour and a half or so ... approximately an hour before Party Boy picks me up. Hmmmmm. Uh oh. So I think quickly, tell PB that I'll need an extra half hour and tell the RH that I made dinner plans with Ms Dragonfly. He still brings me my caramel macchiatto, and we play around until I realize that it is after 7 ... PB will be here in less than 30 mins!! I basically push RH out the door, touch up my make-up, brush my hair and squirt on some perfume. Voila!

Then the guilt sets in ... HARD. Not because I'm technically doing anything wrong, but because I had to lie to do it. I guess I could have told RH that I had a date since we haven't made any commitments to each other, but that just seems like I'm rubbing it in his face. Besides, guilt isn't anything a couple of grey goose and cranberries won't take care of ...

Turns out, PB takes me to a very nice dinner at Ortanique with a group of his friends. Then on to dessert, which consisted of several chocolate martinis for all of us. Way too many martinis later, I'm back at his place, and his roommate is offering me scrubs to sleep in. How do I get myself into these situations?? Oh yeah, my best friend Al Cohol puts me there. Party Boy tries to molest me, but other than the fact that he really can kiss well (yum), there isn't much tempting me to let him (he's lacking SUBSTANCE ... he is purely for entertainment purposes only). so I push him off all night until he finally gives up. Whew!

trash

2005-04-29T18:23:00.000-04:00

Why is it that people feel as though it is always someone’s job to pick up after them? What tells a person that it is okay to leave their starbucks cup on the table after they leave even though the trashcan is on their way out the door? Clearly this wouldn’t apply in places where people are paid to serve you, but we all know the difference, don’t we? I’m sure I have been guilty on more than one occasion of doing something stupid in this genre or making assumptions that were obvious to others. But in starbucks??? It isn’t like this is the first time you’ve been here. We all know how it works. They are kind enough to let people sit around for hours doing nothing and how do we repay them (ok, besides for the $5 latte)? We let them clean up after us, too. I can bet most of those workers are barely making enough to buy a latte with their hourly wage after taxes.

This is the same for people who feel like throwing trash and cigarette butts out the window is appropriate or not reprehensible. Or the women in bathrooms who get water all over the counter, throw paper towels everywhere or trash the toilets. Where did you grow up? What makes you so god-damned special that you think others should clean up the messes you make?? I wish I had your mother. Mine sure as hell didn’t clean up after me, and I am glad for that now. I know how to wash my own clothes, my own condo and my own dishes. I find myself so disgusted by these people who don’t. It is rude, presumptuous and completely unacceptable, but for some reason I see it on a daily basis.

Sometimes I hate Americans. We are so fucking spoiled, and all we can do is complain about it. Where the hell do we get off?? We have no right to complain about shit. We have everything we need to survive handed to us on a silver platter in comparison to other people in most other countries. As long as you make a reasonable amount of effort to get out of bed and keep a job, you will be fine. Not saying there aren’t the less fortunate here, too, but that’s off topic. And not to say a good rant isn't necessary (what do you think this blog is???), but don't take advantage of others in stupid, inconsiderate ways. Grow up, drink lots, and be merry.

Okay, I’ll end my rant here and get back to studying, or as choofly would say, learn how to fight The Man.

So little time ...

2005-04-29T09:22:00.000-04:00

I have so much to blog about these days, but such little time to do it. In the midst of finals, everything else seems like a chore, even enjoyable things. But for a small recap (mainly to remind myself of what to blog about later), here are topics of current interest:

Taco toupee
Public appearances
Hearsay
Pillow talk

If any of you who have been around have any other topics that I have forgotten, please remind me. I will be back soon, I promise. Don't miss me too much ...

second thoughts

2005-04-22T09:43:00.000-04:00

i am having second thoughts about my last post. not that i think that i am not so much the player, but more that i may have presented it in the wrong light. i am not TRYING to date as many men as possible, but I have not found anyone who has made me want to commit to them in quite some time, possibilities seem to present themselves rather regularly these days, and i seen no reason to tell perfectly good men no, even if i see no future in it. I am just trying to enjoy myself, not limit my options and see what happens. I didn't use to have this so-called problem, so I think it is a combination of narrowing down what I really want and having several choices in front of me to test out.

It is somewhat like a buffet. The fillers are in the beginning. the experts know to skip those or only pick very carefully. the good stuff is at the end, but some of the middle stuff is REALLY yummy and worth your stomach space. so, you test it all out before you commit. after you taste it all, you go back for the best items (and dessert, of course). if you come back to the same buffet multiple times, you eventually know, and go straight for, what's the best. skipping all the crap in between, but still grabbing a couple of the "not as worthy" items just for kicks.

That's where I am in my dating life. I know what's good, but still want a hot buttered roll and the ultimate chocolate dessert here and there. When that perfectly cooked piece of meat shows up, I'll be ready to fully commit and devour it in one sitting. Puns fully intended.

Playa

2005-04-20T15:10:00.000-04:00

For years I have never quite understood the male “playa” mentality. Jumping from woman to woman, but keeping them all close enough to call for the occasional date, but never too close in catch they are spotted out with someone else. As an outsider, I view it as degrading to the woman “played” and as perpetuating the social negative male stereotypes. But, this system provides them plenty of guy time and allows them to keep things so casual that a date break is not a complete deal breaker. Besides, it keeps the women interested … everyone wants what they can’t tame.

After a few cocktails and much discussion on my current love life and guys in general, my friend totally calls me out – YOU are the playa!

At first I giggle ... guilty as charged. But after much thought, I begin to wonder what has changed for me that has morphed my complete outlook on dating. Is it a supply/demand issue? Just 5 years ago, most of my girlfriends were young, single hotties out on the town every weekend scoping out the guys. Now, most of my girlfriends are still young hotties, but seriously attached or married. For the men looking for a sensible single woman over 26 or 27, the pool of decent possibilities is seriously depleted. Of course, the number of available men is also on the downturn, but since men tend to mature a bit slower and get married a bit older than women -- the result seems to be a substantial improvement to my single status. Of course, this window of increased opportunity is only so big. Eventually, age will catch up with me and the only available men will be divorcees with children or complete 40 yr old losers that still view partying at Dewey Beach every weekend as the ultimate summer. But I think I will enjoy it while it lasts, but keep my eyes open for that special one that makes me tingle all over …

Technology rocks

2005-04-18T23:03:00.000-04:00

Text messaging. The wave of the future. Or maybe it is already here, but I'm too old to really catch on completely. I know all the kids prefer it over actually TALKING on the phone. As IF!

Text messages from three different boys in the last couple of weeks: CJG, the New Guy and some random I basically said only hi to at a wedding reception Saturday night. I guess I best get used to it. I do love technology and I am the first to admit I am better on email or IM than on the phone. Gives you that extra minute of pause to think up that good reply that you just aren't quick enough to do in person most of the time. Makes me seem much more witty than I really am. But you can't be all that witty within the limits of text messaging. Or is that the artform that I have yet to master?

This handy little tool is somewhat foreign to me at times. I understand the beauty of it when you are in a loud crowded bar or at a show, etc. But what is the obsession about? Not to mention, it provides the other party with a permanent record of your drunken messages:

Will work that pussey all nite long.

Yep. That's what I received from CJG one night recently. Actually, that is what my friends received on my phone after they decided to fuck with him a little and play hard to get. Which brings me to the point that you never know who may be writing you or who may see your message. Please note that the key word is misspelled. Drunk spelling may be worse than drunk dialing. Forever engraved in my head and my cell phone. And don't think for one micro-second that I haven't pulled out my phone to show that to just about every single one of my girlfriends. I can't wait until the day I am out with a few of my ladies, and we run into him ... they are never quite as gentle as I am. Let the games begin!

Anonymity

2005-04-18T22:58:00.000-04:00

As I continue to blog about my past, present and future dates, I have to wonder – what if I get found out by my current or past beaus? Obviously, I don’t use names, but it would be undoubtedly obvious to anyone close to me who I am referring to, especially if it is them! Really, does Carrie Bradshaw have this problem? She writes about all of her dirty laundry and never once is it mentioned by the man she is dating. They obviously know she writes a sex column – wouldn’t they read it and think, “She’s talking about me!” even if she wasn’t? Why wasn’t that ever an episode in Sex and the City? Stupid TV writers – what fantasy world are they living in anyway??? I know I would never hear the end of it if one of these fine, upstanding young, um, "men" ever found this site. Not that they don't truly deserve to know the truth of their fuckedupedness ...

Lucky

2005-04-14T23:43:00.000-04:00

Ever have one of those nights with one of your friends that you just can’t explain to anyone else? That happened last night. Miss V and I met after work to look at shoes for her wedding. Sounds innocent enough, but I didn’t make it to work today as a result.

Shopping = food = beer = bar = boys = free beer = drunk = stupid = hangover = calling in sick.

Still in our work clothes, we manage to run into a couple of boys who want us to play pool. A friend from class shows up, too, and the night takes off.

PDA, booted out of the bar, after party, broken coffee table, carpet stains … just to throw out a few key words to describe the night. Burnt Orange Shirt guy gets cuter and cuter as he delivers the Stella bottles to us without hesitation. Good man. Unfortunately, he doesn’t live here, and he leaves tomorrow morning. Not that I need the kind of complication that a long distance fling would bring into my life anyway, but he definitely made me laugh more than most guys I’ve know. I’ll blame it on freedom – the freedom to be yourself in front of someone you will most likely never see again. It is rather liberating with just a hint of sadness. I am even free to admit that I’d go on a real date with him, only because it will never happen. My aloofness deserves a vacation every now and then – hopeless crushes are good. And as we all know too well, if there was a chance in hell that he’d be around for any amount of time, I’d pick him apart until all that was left was a meatless carcass.

On a final note, Miss V’s fiancé has officially banned us from planning play dates during the week. The voice mail he left me used words such as

“irresponsible” & “immature” & “not to be trusted”

in combination with the theme of repetition. Like we do this often or something … it has been at least 6 months since the last time we skipped out on work due to an unplanned week night out. A girl has to have a night out every so often. We are not 30 or married yet, why act like it? Hell, most of the time he drives the bus that takes us to Drunken Debauchery Land and although we are trying to escape by climbing out the windows he has us chained to the seats to ensure we endure the entire wild ride. I think he’s just jealous he wasn’t there.

No Class Wednesdays

2005-04-10T19:42:00.000-04:00

The MCs (married chicks) decide that I must meet the new single guy at their work. Conveniently, the New Guy coordinates a happy hour on Wednesday, which just so happens is my night off from class. So, I coordinate with ermmagirl and head over to the bar. Within minutes of walking through the door, he is chatting me up, and things are going along smoothly. It took basically no effort to get him into a conversation. I guess that’s why he is in marketing. I move over to talk with some other friends and never get back to the New Guy. Two of his female friends join him and the groups separate. Wait a minute, don’t they realize that he is mine to assess for the evening? How am I supposed to find out everything wrong about him, critique him like a bad B movie and dismiss him if I can’t even grab his attention away from these two tramps?

Now we’ll have to meet again so that I can size him up appropriately. But that’s what this type of year is great for – happy hours and shameless flirting.

The night ends early, so what’s a single girl to do on her night off? Call the Redhead of course! He doesn’t hesitate to invite me over, and I don’t hesitate to accept. Things are definitely going well on that front, but I’m just not sure how long he’ll be able to hold my attention. I think I’ll just sit back and enjoy myself until I find out.

See? No class on Wednesdays.

Joyride

2005-04-03T23:04:00.000-04:00

It has been a long week, and I am finally starting to feel more like myself again. Laughter is truly the best medicine. The Barbie short bus came out again on saturday night. Girls’ day was exactly what the situation required. Granted I haven’t been all that productive today because of the vast amounts of alcohol I imbibed last night, but it was well worth it. I haven’t had that kind of fun in a really long time and needed it desperately.

Ermmagirl is like a good luck charm or something when it comes to my dating life. Last time, it was The Youngin’ (a story for another time), and this time it was both Baldy and Mulva. Managed to get BOTH numbers in one night. Miss V also gets mad props for reeling them in with her acrobatics on the silver couch!! You would never know the place basically was empty based on our level of amusement. Thankfully, the whole night also was documented on camera. Ahhhh … I love technology.

On a side note, the Redhead stopped by tonight for a “study break.” Seemed more like a make-out break to me, but hell, who am I to argue about technicalities?!?!? I called him old, and he threatened to spank me for it … yeah, baby!

Pagan Rituals on Easter

2005-03-27T14:32:00.000-05:00

I’m going to get a beer, do you want anything?

That was my approach to determining if my drinking would concern my date in the least. It didn’t seem to, he got a Red Bull and didn’t hesitate to smooch me later. I still haven’t gotten the nerve to ask him about it. He has mentioned drinking when he was younger, so maybe it is just a healthy lifestyle decision, but something tells me there is more to it than that.

He doesn’t have a wonderful bubbly personality or anything. It isn’t bad or even dull, just nothing particularly engaging. Maybe he’s an introvert like me. We’d probably have great conversations drunk. And he isn’t hot by any means – although he is much better physical shape than myself who is 11 years his junior. So what is it? Is it the draw towards feeling as if I am wanted? Maybe. Or possibly the mystery that surrounds him – I pegged him for an older, safe government contracts attorney that would completely bore me in approximately 2 dates like the Neighbor. But instead he takes me to the Blackcat to see an alternative NY band that we’ve never heard of – and we are disappointed when they only play a 45 minute show. He isn’t touchy when we are out, but once behind closed doors, a completely different personality appears. He obviously knows how to have a good time and isn’t hindered by what others may consider faux pas. Now I even question how safe he is – not as in “in danger” – but as in “a sure thing.” Maybe this persistence thing is his come-on act for all women. Seems like a lot of work, but maybe some are a bit easier than I am.

His group of friends is almost exclusively made up of women. Or at least it seems so by his conversations. He just doesn’t dress well enough to be gay, so that isn’t of concern. Is he the guy that all women love but think of as only a friend that they could never date? What does this mean for me? Not sure. Luckily, I’m not the jealous type, although I have checked a couple of times to see if his match profile is still active (it is). I think it would actually scare me more if it weren’t. I’m not ready for a full commitment from this guy yet, I haven’t even determined if I like him or not ...

Chaste

2005-03-23T13:10:00.000-05:00

It has been well over a year since I've made it to date 4 with anybody, but apparently I'm heading that direction this weekend with the RH. He waited the mandatory 2 days to contact me, and we've been emailing back and forth for the past couple of days. A rather foreign concept these days. Most men are scared to contact you more than say, once a week, unless they are firming up plans for a date. I guess this guy's been around the dating block a few times because he seems to have struck a good balance and have a feel for when the time is appropriate to reach out or hold back.

But what is balanced about taking four months to get to date 4??? you understandably ask. Maybe I've been a little vague before now, but it was actually me who turned him down many, many times. It has been 4 months since the first date, but it was months before that when he first contacted me on match. In fact, the first email exchange I can locate (which is definitely not the initial one) is dated July 04! He is undeniably persistent, yet not in a scary stalkish type way. I think he digs me. But then again, who wouldn't? Ha! If that were only true ...

Not sure what we are doing yet, but I'm somewhat certain we'll end up at his place since he has mentioned his fireplace and cleaning his townhouse several times. The opportunity for a grand, romantic make-out session and wouldn't you know it -- miss flow comes in town for a visit! damn my luck. At least that will keep everything within certain boundaries. No guess work involved. Maybe he'll think I'm chaste. I had to say that b/c that word makes me laugh -- not necessarily b/c of its meaning. Just one of those words that makes me giggle. I'm sure it is prompted by some immature notion I have stemming from adolescence that is connected to its meaning, but hey, who said i was mature?

Predictability

2005-03-20T20:06:00.000-05:00

The phone rings.
What are you wearing?
You aren’t serious, are you?

He was serious. This was an extension to a rather unexpected ending to a entertaining, but not all that exciting date. It started innocent and uneventful enough. Dinner and a movie. Macaroni Grill of all places. Not bad I guess, but not really all that great either. Maybe we need to school him. Look at him. He can’t dress. Of course we need to school him. Not to mention we need to work on that whole not drinking thing. But he did mention going out to places around the area, so I have to assume he isn’t against drinking per se, just not in to doing it himself. He ordered flavored iced tea. I had water. Next time I will have wine. I’ll need it to prepare me for what he may pull out of that hat of his.

Be Cool was surprising entertaining. A somewhat fitting analogy for the entire date. I had very low expectations, and they were exceeded. Considering my last few dates (other than the SG) have only lowered the bar, I must say this was a pleasant surprise. Not that anything amazingly fantastic happened (other than the make out session in the car and the phone call afterwards), but it was nice that nothing horrible happened. Is this what my standards have come to after all this time? Just being satisfied with the not so horrible?

Miss V’s fiancée will hate him. That’s what kept going through my head the entire night. Not sure why, other than the fact that he seemed to be straight-laced and not much of a party guy. But then again, he keeps surprising me: the suggestion to come up to my place (thank god my place was dirty, and I opted against that glass of wine!), the surprising kiss at the end that turned into a rather intensive make-out session in the car (are we 16?), and of course the phone call. Two days ago, I considered him safe, but basic and boring. Now I’m not so sure I know him at all …

Three

2005-03-17T13:33:00.000-05:00

Three. There is something about the number that I haven’t been able to pinpoint. Particularly in dating. I do know that if I don’t like a guy, he will never see date 3 with me. I have found that if I am getting dumped, I won’t see date 3 with him either (nor will he call to let me know when I think things are going fine, but that is a completely different subject altogether). What I don’t know is what date 3 actually means to most people, particularly men. For some, it seems to be the appropriate time for a first kiss, for others, they think it is perfectly acceptable to ask you to spend the night, and still others, ask you to be their girlfriend. But, no way around it, date 3 means something. So much so, I dread the third date. No, I dread the time period preceding the third date until after the forth. It is full of insecurity and self-doubting. Two traits I wish I could delete from my character.

Will he call?
What if he doesn't call?
Why hasn't he called? Play by play with friends over the last date to determine what possibly went wrong.
It isn't you, its him. You intimidate him. Sure ... like this 5'2 petite frame intimidates a hamster.

The time period surrounding #3 is delicate. Fragile.

Why am I disclosing my third date theory to all of you at this moment? Clearly, because I am currently in that time period with not one, but 2 men. I do have 1 third date scheduled for this week. To my utter dismay and complete discontent, the time period between date 2 and 3 has been approximately 6 weeks. Does this mean that if there is a date 4 that I will be in limbo for approximately 3 months total with this guy?!?!? I’m not sure I can tolerate that. Nor am I sure I can tolerate his intolerance for alcohol. I mean, what attorney in their right mind doesn’t drink? Obviously, he is in the wrong state of mind. I guess we will see how that plays out when I order a glass of red wine at dinner. The last guy I dated who didn’t drink brought me white zin when I ordered a glass of zinfandel. The HORROR!

I should have ended it then. It should have been a sign. No, it was a sign that I opted to ignore. I will never make that mistake again. Or am I doing it again by going out with this guy?

As for the second guy, well, not sure about him. He’s giving me all the “I’m just not that in to you” signals right now. Which can also be interpreted as the “I’m just too cool to act like I’m in to you” signals as well, but I'm more of a realist. I've been here too many times to think positively. Either way, they are making me think twice about accepting a date 3 offer, if there is one. I will. I always do – just to see if I was right? Just to force them to dump me, or do something that I consider a deal breaker? Or maybe, just maybe, I’m hoping he will prove me wrong. Highly unlikely. I hate to be wrong.

But I am … often.

But never about date 3. So far, anyway.

Starbies, the Gay Friend & Curb Potential

2005-03-16T23:28:00.000-05:00

I know I've been a little slack in posting this week. Coming off of Spring Break was a bit harder than I thought ... I'm back on the Starbucks train, which I had managed to deboard for almost a week. Being on the train is much more pleasant for all those involved, though, so I'll take one for the team. Just don't tell my dad! As for the update in my dating life, there isn't much because I was out of town for the weekend. I went home to help Miss V choose bridesmaid dresses. They say weddings are a good place to meet dates, but this will be the fourth one in a year or so, and I haven't met any potential dates. Maybe you need to bring a date in order to meet another one ... I need to find that "stand-by" guy that will attend all the occasions where I need a date. You know, the gay or completely a-sexual (to me anyway) friend that you completely adore. Whatever happened to him?

I digress ... Now for the update:
Friday, as I am shutting down my computer to leave work and head to my hometown for the weekend, I get a call from the Redhead. He's in town this weekend and wants to get together. Nice notice. When I return from the weekend, I see that the SG sent an email about an hour after I left on Friday.

What is the deal?????

Don't these men realize that they should contact me at least 2 days in advance of a potential date? Believe me, I don't subscribe to the dating rules book or anything, but I actually do have a life, a pretty great one if you ask me, and I am not putting my plans on hold, waiting for a boy to call. I guess it is better than the CJG who would IM me approximately 10 minutes before he wanted to see me. Or better yet, call when he was "in the neighborhood." Ha! Needless to say, I was just not spontaneous enough for him. Well, sorry kids, but if you manage to squeeze your little scrawny ass into my plentiful social life, you probably belong there. If not, let me introduce you to my good friend, The Curb.

Barbie short bus on the highway to hell

2005-03-10T23:46:00.000-05:00

Technically this post is not about the dc dating scene, but last night definitely deserves to be memorialized. And hell, we were at one of the newest, hippest dating spots in Arlington. That counts for something, right? Sure it does. What started out as a suggestion to a few friends to get together for happy hour ended up as a large night of complete drunken debauchery. At almost thirty, you think we'd be past this by now, but oh no ...

So we start out with red wine and apps.

By the end of the night, we have a $250 tab, and the waiter we'd been torturing all night finally refused to serve us another bottle of wine.

But that is not all ...

I hear that I touched tongues with Miss V's fiancee. Who tells me? Miss V, who isn't the least bit mad, just disturbed (I'm glad I don't remember it!). Yes, she was there, and if she had thought of it first, would have been the instigator. Apparently this was a ploy to turn on the only other guy in the group for me. I'm sure it made sense at the time ... maybe.

Also ermmagirl comes to the realization that she is immensely pissed at her husband, Chad, who isn't even part of the party last night. No, while listening to her favorite indie band on the way home, she decides that Chad has stunted her growth ...

musically

And boy, is she pissed about it. When he comes home, he finds a drunk bitchy ermmagirl who refuses to talk to him for absolutely no reason. She's so mad, she won't even tell him why she's mad. Needless to say, they laughed about it the next morning.

We all wake up the next morning with amazing hangovers, but somehow all make it to work. Of course, we are IMing about last night instead of working, but hey, we are there!

Okay kids, I'm not feeling all that inspired right now, so comment away!!!

Randomness

2005-03-07T21:20:00.000-05:00

Where the hell is spring already?!?!? Today was just an evil tease to remind me that it is still winter, I'm still in school, and although Spring Break, I still have to work all week. I've been in a do nothing funk for a couple of weeks now. Not bad enough to keep me at home mind you (read the last few entries), but I have zero motivation to do much of anything else. Instead I search for ex-boyfriends' wedding websites (found them! that does wonders for your ego) and eat too many Healthy Choice mini chocolate chip cookies. At least I do all this while sitting on my new couch! It is beautiful, although broken ... it will be replaced.

What spawned me to look for yet another ex-datee's wedding website was nothing other than an IM from his fiancee! Talk about odd. I went out with this guy (Tom Cruise look alike) ONCE, and we've spoken on IM a couple of times a month since. I mean, honestly, what the hell? After several iterations back and forth of trying to reassure this loon that she was really worried about nothing (why do I bother?), she finally either bought it or gave up. Although TC referred to her as his girlfriend that he was trying to get back together with, their wedding website does in fact say they have been dating since about the time I met him, and they are getting married next month! Not that I care in the least either way.

Where do I find these men? Oh yeah, match.com. Remember kids, quantity, not quality is what you get at those sites. It is entertaining, but exactly like a bar -- good for entertainment, but not where I plan to meet the man I marry. Of course, considering I drink more than most fish, there is no doubt I'll at least be drunk when I meet him! Speaking of, where did I set that glass of wine ... ?

Let's just be friends

2005-03-06T22:46:00.000-05:00

I finally had to break down and call the Vegetarian tonight. He is such a nice guy, I just haven’t been able to face the fact that I had to tell him I was interested in more than friendship. I really wish I had gotten to know him otherwise and not because he was interested in dating me. I wanted to see him again, but didn’t want him to have the impression that I was interested in dating him, which is not really fair to him. We’ve only been on one date, but I got the impression that he may have been contemplating asking me out for quite a while. My leaving the job was just a perfect opportunity for him to take a chance and not have to face me if I said no. He took it very well, but then instead of ending the conversation when I should have, I kept blabbing away digging my hole just that much deeper. To say the least, the conversation was rather awkward at the end, and we both were ready to get off the phone. Although I’m determined not to be one of those people who just never call back, this one was by far the hardest. I know I would appreciate the honesty, but some people would probably prefer not knowing and lying to themselves. I hope he can understand and we can at least act normal if/when we ever seen each other again.

The Bartender

2005-03-05T18:50:00.000-05:00

I went to dinner with a couple of friends last night and, after a lively conversation about their recent breakups and how we needed to get out more, we decided to head over to the dance club Home. Luckily, we happen to know a bartender there, so we skip the line and get discounted cover charges. Okay, let’s be honest here, I am the one who knows and in fact dated the bartender. Although a great guy (he does have a very good day job, but bartends on weekend nights for extra cash), we went on a few dates and things went progressively downhill. I wouldn’t hear from him for a couple of weeks and then get a drunk phone call at 3am asking if he could come over or that he loved me or whatever was on his drunken mind at the time. If I didn’t answer, he would just keep calling over and over again, leaving a message every third or fourth call (this is not an exaggeration)! But, all in all, he is a good time, and I enjoy flirting with him. And, hell, the free booze and priority service doesn’t hurt either!

I never quite know how he will react when he sees me after several months of no contact, but he is always the same, genuine, sweet guy. He gets me a drink, asks what’s new, if I’m married yet, asks if I miss his drunk dials, and then says he’ll call me soon to hang out. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn’t. I don’t remember the last time we hung out when he wasn’t on the back side of the bar, though … I’m guessing almost 2 years.

The night was great fun until my purse went missing. This would not have been a huge deal, except for the fact that my cell phone, my ONLY phone, was lost with it. Hard to cancel your credit cards without a phone! Luckily the one friend that hadn’t disappeared paid for our cab ride back to my place and she let me use her phone to call the credit card companies. As I was dialing the first one, though, we get a call from the other girl we were with earlier. She has my purse and my friend’s coat! She said she couldn’t find us and thought we had left, so she grabbed our stuff for us. DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA!! Maybe the Bartender was a bit too nice too all of us with those shots! It all worked out in the end my precious cell phone is back at my side. Whew! Close one.