Flamethrowing Superman

SG asked about some of my worst date experiences, which reminded me of how many of my dates I have yet to post on this site. I am not sure how I overlooked the Flamethrowing Superman! I would call him Flaming, but he was definitely not gay. A bit too much of a meat head and almost zero in the clue zone. Hey, look at that, I managed to use two words beginning with a "z" in one sentence! Oh, sorry, back to the story ...

Superman was a friend's boyfriend's friend. You know how those are. You go out with your girlfriend, run into her boyfriend and his friend and you are stuck with this guy for the night. And then he called for a real date. I couldn't go then because I was in the midst of finals, so we pushed it off a couple of weeks. Then came Christmas. This guy actually called me on Christmas Day to wish me a Merry Christmas!!! I should have realized immediately that he was going to be excessively clingy and completely not my type.

As usual, I didn't take the hint and we made a date for the next week. He suggested we go walk around the National Christmas Tree and all the decorations, which I thought was a bit ho-hum, but okay for a first date. Things went downhill from there. He was planning to metro and would meet me on the platform at my stop. He was late. I, of course, wear my typical first date casual, but nice outfit of jeans, nice heeled boots and a cute top. He has on a pull-over fleece, baggy jeans, and tennis shoes. Hmph. Looking at my boots he determines that his idea to walk from the trees to the Capitol won't go over well, which is true, but what exactly is there to see at the Capitol at night anyway?!?!? It isn't like I haven't lived here for the past 7 and a half years or anything. Soooo, we go walk around the state trees, stop by the bon fire and are done in about 30 mins. So, naturally, as we are walking away, I ask where we are headed next. He admits he has no plans for anything else and also has ZERO money. Not just that he needs to hit an ATM, no money at all until he gets paid at midnight that night. Um, why exactly did you ask me out for that night instead of tomorrow night when you would have at least a dollar to your name?!!? Trying to save face and be nice (there's a theme here that I need to put a hold on, huh?), not to mention it is too damn early to do anything else with my friends, I offer to buy him a drink at the Old Ebbit Grill.

Who is at the bar on a date in front of us when we walk in? None other than the Napkin Guy himself! Ha! I was so tempted to say something, but did the typical look away and ignore move instead. Luckily, we found seats far away. I hand Superman my card, ask for a Grey Goose Cosmo (I may as well get a good drink, I AM paying after all) and tell him to order whatever he wants. He gets a Miller Lite. Not that I am a beer snob or anything, but I really hope his reasoning behind his order was that he didn't want me to pay for more than that. I'm guessing it wasn't. As he sits down, he pulls off the fleece and uncovers the t-shirt he has chosen to wear: a black Superman logo tee with flames shooting out from behind the "S"! Ah, what a gem, I think to myself. He says he felt guilted into wearing it because he had gotten it for Christmas. I ask the next logical question: "Did I give it to you for Christmas?"

After two drinks, he has already mentioned that he has to go catch up with his buddies in Clarendon (and checked his voicemail for the details), so I decide it is time to go. He sees me to my metro stop and then proceeds to meet his beer-guzzling, iron-pumping, Superman t-shirt appreciating friends. Then it hits me: this guy has no cash, but plans to go out drinking with his friends for the rest of the night?? I find out later from my friend that Superman and his friends have the bartender hook-up somewhere in Clarendon. If only I were 22 again, he may seem like an almost dream guy: no balls, no brains (which is the only reason he could wear the t-shirt without having balls), no clue and free drinks whenever I wanted. Suuuhhhweeeeet! I would have walked all over him for weeks using his free beer hook-up until I just couldn't justify the annoying fly any longer.

And to top it all off, he called at 10:30 the next morning to tell me he had a good time ... I didn't answer and never heard from him again. Whew!

Need a Push to the Gym?

Need that little extra push to go workout (I know, what the hell am I talking about, right?)? Well, buy this season's swimsuit right now. Yes, NOW. You know the stores are already pushing them on you. Have you been to Target recently? Or how about the five thousand catalogs Victoria's Secret sent you this week?? You do know. Anyway, I digress. The point of this entry is this: buy the swimsuit, try it on and walk your little ass to the gym as fast as you can. You won't even have to think about it. Be sure to change into gym clothes first, though ... you'd ruin that pretty little swimsuit you just bought with sweat ...

Well, if you need me, I'll be on the treadmill ...

The Real First Date with SG

SG and I had our first real date. The first first date was a double date with the couple that set us up, so it didn't really count. Although I thought the first one went well, I wasn't sure if it was because of the other couple or not. Not to mention, on a double date you can never really look face to face with your date because you are always sitting beside them.

Anyway, I thought the real date went well despite my lurking head cold. I tried to keep my head down to earth during the conversations, but a couple of times he went financial-speak on me, and well, you know. I don't think he noticed. Did I mention he was a finance guy? Does some type of due diligence for clients or something. Accounting and I just don't get along well, so I'm glad someone likes it. Credit, debit, whatever.

He walked me to the door again, which I thought was very nice. Only a small peck, but seemed awkward ... Maybe that was my fault. I never know what to do when a man is acting like a gentleman, so I freak out and try to get out of the situation. I thought it would be best to give him a peck, say good-night and get inside! Not to mention I have a cold (so a full kiss was out of the question), there are extremely bright lights at my front door and all the desk folk can see what's going on at the door on camera. I'm not one to be the center of attention, especially while showing any signs of affection. Ick!

All in all, not sure how he feels at all, but I would definitely see him again. Unfortunately, that would be date three, and we all know about date three. Or do we? Ah, material for another post ...

Cruise calls it off

I get an email from the Tom Cruise look alike today. He has NEVER emailed me before, so I know this is odd. I had IMed him last night when I saw him online, but he never responded. Turns out that he and his new girlfriend were on the computer, and she apparently got very upset that I had sent an IM. So, he sends a rather abrupt email asking me to never IM him again. SORRY dude! Did you ever tell me you had a freakishly jealous girlfriend??? I think not. I thought about replying with some smart ass email stating that he could IM me anytime because, unlike himself, I would never let a jealous boyfriend control me or dictate whom I could talk to (and for all of you grammar nazis, yes I KNOW I ended the sentence in a preposition and i MEANT to *gasp* -- this is my blog, it sounds better that way, and you can just deal). Again, I'm too nice and sent a "sure, you got it, whatever dude" type email. Not nearly as satisfying, but that's why I'm doing this blog, right?

Current Status

Those are probably the major highlights of the past year. I am now dating a couple of guys (okay, 3 if you want to be technical), but all of which are VERY casual. A date here and there and all less than 3 dates each. Let's name them, shall we?

We have the redhead govt contracts attorney who is 4o, but definitely doesn't look or act that much older than me. Met him on match last year ... he pursued me persistently until I gave in and met him for coffee in November. Finals and the holidays happened, and I didn't see him again until a couple of weeks ago for lunch. Then work happened and he's in Florida pretty much full time for a few weeks .... we'll call him "the redhead" for now.

Next is a guy I was set-up with by an ex-coworker. Only been on a group date with him, so not sure about it yet, but going well so far. He is by far the most well-mannered date I've had (or at least remember) since moving to DC. He needs a name ... how about SG for "Southern Gentleman"?

Third, there is an ex-coworker. Not really my type, but super nice guy and very interesting. I'm thinking I need to nip this one in the bud before I really feel bad, though. Any suggestions for a name? Oh, he's a vegetarian ... we'll use that.

Cranberry Juice Guy

I met the CJG on yahoo personals. I thought I would try a new site since match was only so-so. Yahoo is definitely inferior in my experience. Not just because of CJG, he was only the beginning. This was during the period of time when I began to think that canceling the first date was normal, and possibly some sort of dating test. Not that I really care to be honest. Maybe that is the problem -- they want me to care. But if I can say one positive thing about online dating, it is the ability to have a date whenever you want one. It takes away the desperate issue altogether.

But on to the story ...
CJG and I had drinks and dinner at Faccia Luna in Arlington after work. I thought we had a great time, but he was, shall we say, fishing for compliments. He is very entertaining. But he requires more positive reinforcement than I am willing to give him, particularly on a first date. He walked me to the metro, but went to kiss me and then backed away like a tease. I honestly have no idea what he was trying to do, but we have all decided he is gay.

However, I was willing to hang out with him a couple of more times for a very casual date (gay men are GREAT friends). On date three, we decided to hang out for a while in my place. He walked in, went straight into the kitchen, opened my refrigerator and drank out of my cranberry juice straight from the container!!!!! WHO DOES THAT!?!?!?!? Not to mention, he seemed to feel no embarrassment when I caught him. He didn't understand why I was annoyed and just said that I could keep that bottle for him each time he came over. NOT!!! Needless to say, he's never been invited back into my place.

He still contacts me from time to time ... what a loser!

The Neighbor

The Neighbor. HAHAHAHA! Asked me to be his girlfriend on date 3 (I said no), dozen roses on Valentine's Day by date 4. Enough said.

Napkin Guy, AGAIN

Yep. I have no balls and I agree to go out with this cool kid again. This is the date where he earns his name, so it is worth it!!!

After telling me he is flying off to Europe this week and that he must see me before he leaves, we set up a date for after my Monday class. I do let him know that I have a lot of work to do and can only hang out for a quick bite. He sets up a date for a VERY fancy dinner, but hasn't made reservations. First, fancy dinners take time which I don't have (and don't want to spend with him) and second, you always need reservations. We go to some hotel restaurant that he picks out in Fodors book. Blah. Food was excellent, and I think service would have bee great except for the fact that he was a complete A-hole. He is snotty and feels like everyone should care about what he orders and why. He is skinnier than a flag pole, but feels like it is vitally important that he avoid carbs (I ate the bread from the basket after saying, "I will assume you don't want this then" and set it next to me. I'm going straight to hell.). How did I know he was avoiding carbs? Because he told the waitress of course!!!! WHERE do I find these people!?!??!

On top of all of this, between every bite of food, he picks up his napkin, daps his mouth, throws his arm out with the napkin and then dramatically lays it back on his lap. The description will NEVER give it justification. This behavior was completely unbelievable, and I can't believe I held it together for the entire dinner. He looked ridiculous. He tried to hold my hand on the way out, and I just played with my hair and apologized to the wait staff ...

NEXT?!?!?!?!?!?

Napkin Guy

Oh my, you would NEVER predict this one. I knew he was cheesy from day one, but almost had to go out with him purely for entertainment purposes. It is all about who has the best story, right? Well, he may win. He wants to me at Mie N Yu. We have a couple of drinks and then go upstairs for some type of tv episode. They gave us free Krystal, so I can't complain, but it was lame. The date was rude and obviously wanted to leave. Not to mention his button down shirt was open down to his belly-button -- um, GROSS!

Then he decided this just wasn't cool enough and we had to go to the Blue Room VIP room. Unfortunately for him, there was a party in the VIP room, and we had to hang with the peons in the rest of the club. I found a very cool guy to chat with while he went to the restroom, but unfortunately, he came back, and I am just too nice. I will get over that eventually.

After he has gotten excessively drunk and the guys at the bar are laughing with me at my date (without him noticing of course), he finally scores his way upstairs. I think the bouncers were just sick of him asking -- he had to have gone over there at least 5 times. We go upstairs, there is nothing going on, and we leave within 10 minutes. Yep. He is SO cool and that was SO worth it.

Hottie

Then there was the Hottie. Whew! Yum. Too bad I didn't realize we were an actual couple until the night he broke up with me (he didn't think he could be a good boyfriend anymore -- you were my boyfriend???). Oh well. I appreciated his creativity, ambition, motivation and definitely his athleticism (for all the right reasons ladies), but ultimately, I doubt we were compatible. He was a bit less risk adverse than I am -- gave up everything and more to pursue his movie-making career. Nah, I'm the one that keeps my day job and tries to go to law school to keep that check coming. I'm not up for instability.

Tom Cruise Look Alike

Next was Tom Cruise (TC). I don't really have an affinity for the real Tom Cruise, but this guy is a cutie, and I still talk to him regularly on IM. I passed him over for the Hottie. Regretting it these days as that he refuses to ever ask me out again, but hey, the Hottie was, well, HOT. Also, TC is very shy and seemingly naive. Not sure if he really is or not, but I don't find his demeanor all that attractive sometimes. He feels guilty about bothering me on IM when I am reading for class, even after I told him that I enjoy the distractions. He just seems wussy.

Prada

Prada starts the entire phenomenon. I met him on match.com. He claimed to have an entire closet full of prada shoes, as well as a personal shopper at neimans. Dont get me wrong, this isn't the type of thing i fall for typically, but then again, i really enjoy laughing at these type of highly materialistic people. i went on match for kicks, and kicks is about all i've gotten out of the entire experience. Prada lasted for approximately a month or so, but he is, shall we say, bi-polar, and completely unpredictable (for lack of a better description).

A few weeks later a friend from school and I figure out that we both dated this guy. He continues to call or email randomly and ask for another chance, but I basically blow him off each time. I haven't heard from him in quite a while now, I guess he finally took a clue.

A Brief History

I have been very single for a very long time, but I must admit, I do find the entire DC dating scene highly amusing. About a year and a half ago I took the plunge and signed up for match.com. My social life has been different ever since, even though I have been offline for several months now. I still haven't found the one or even close to the one for that matter, but boy do I have some great stories! And I definitely know what I don't want ....

If you have a favorite one of my stories that you don't see here, please just ask ... I would be more than happy to post it for everyone! Because it has taken me this long to get started and write things down, I may forget a few events or details.

Welcome

Although I consider my dating life rather pathetic, it seems to be somewhat humorous for those who have been swept away by some man from the single scene forever. So, here it goes, for what it is worth!

No real names will be used (duh), but they are all real people -- no matter how insane it sounds. I have somehow found the gems to date in DC, and they all have a story to go along with them.

I'll start with a little history of the past year or so to get everyone up to speed. I'll give each guy a separate entry (or more if their antics deserve the honor) so you can comment on your favs. Once I have a timeline established, I will just post whenever something jogs my memory, so nothing will be in order anymore.

Enjoy!